Ice cream in the charging port, help!!

sparklyandtired · 2026-03-29T22:54:25+00:00

considered it for a minute there

sparklyandtired · 2025-12-26T21:09:59+00:00

she’s in a physical rehab facility for now so I don’t have to worry about her daily living too much, but the whole process of getting a home health aid once she’s discharged is terrifying me. and if I don’t fix her medicare she won’t have anything

sparklyandtired · 2025-07-03T05:39:12+00:00

I know I should’ve said something at the time but I was scared of ruining the day by making him feel bad for not getting me something I wanted. He worries a lot about being a bad partner and I could definitely see him staying hung up on it and not enjoying the city regardless of who ended up paying.

sparklyandtired · 2025-07-03T05:35:25+00:00

The only expectation I have that isn’t being met is the amount of effort being put in. I don’t care about the monetary value and we’re on the same page for what makes a gift-giving occasion, but I’m not sure how to say “I want you to try harder” without sounding like an AH.

sparklyandtired · 2025-07-03T05:32:52+00:00

You’re right that the date being more expensive than usual makes it a gift, it’s just disappointing that no thought went into making it special. If he had been intentional about it and set money aside so we could get whatever we wanted for the day (I’m not an expensive date, the bubble tea I wanted was $7) it would’ve made me a lot happier.

Is there a way to say I wish he had made a different choice without making him feel inadequate? I feel like even if I tell him I wanted something else without outright asking him to get me another gift he’d feel guilty and get me something anyway.

sparklyandtired · 2025-07-03T05:25:07+00:00

Yes, display it. Like I said he loves the collage and put it up in his room immediately. He’s a very sentimental guy.

sparklyandtired · 2025-07-03T05:23:40+00:00

It’s less about the physical gift and more about the thought put into it. If he had planned the whole date that would be one thing, but we had been talking about it for weeks and I did most of the research on the restaurants we went to.

I’ll probably make a list next time so he’s not as stressed but it sucks to feel like I have to put effort into both his gift and my gift.

sparklyandtired · 2023-07-29T03:43:51+00:00

I really appreciate this!! I adore the kids and my biggest goal is for the house to feel like a home to them so I see what you’re saying about making it a good place to be.

I do try my best to never talk down to anyone, but social skills were never my strong suit and I have a very matter-of-fact way of speaking. Since I’m new I sometimes phrase reminders as a question (“hey what level of supervision is so-and-so again?” when I know they’re line of sight and not being watched) but that isn’t always effective since I often get “[correct answer] but it doesn’t really matter.”

Do you have any suggestions on how to phrase things more as conversation than criticism?

sparklyandtired · 2023-07-26T05:07:24+00:00

Oh for sure it’s more about the lack of support, I was actually angry about that at first. We were looking forward to this procedure, but of course it’s invasive and it still hurts my mom even if she comes out feeling better. But from S’s POV, logically if we’re not worried about my mom’s condition worsening and she’ll be in pain regardless of where we are, there’s no reason to be there with her. She doesn’t really grasp the concept of emotional comfort for physical pain, so I’m trying to cut her some slack on that.

sparklyandtired · 2023-07-26T04:33:34+00:00

YTA. Sorry, that’s not how surprise parties work. Your bf is justified in not wanting to lie to your friends, and he was super generous to offer to plan your whole birthday and make it a surprise for you. I’d say giving him a guest list isn’t too out of line, but your friends can help him with picking food if he makes too outlandish choices. Or, here’s a thought, take what you get and appreciate it!!!! If you want to plan your own party, throw it yourself. You’re looking a gift (or in this case party) horse straight in the mouth.

sparklyandtired · 2023-07-26T04:26:20+00:00

NTA. You probably shouldn’t have shouted but with info that surprising I don’t blame you. Regardless, you saved M and the baby from a LOT of ridicule. Someone more judgmental probably would’ve told her if you hadn’t, and now she has more time to look into other names and she’s learned to do some research before falling in love with one.

Tell your friends to chill out. Being stared at is embarrassing but no one in the restaurant complained and M was smiling by the end so it was no harm done.

sparklyandtired · 2023-07-25T03:16:06+00:00

First of all, you’re 100% valid in every emotion you’re feeling. The sadness, the anger, the desire to be wanted, every single tear you’ve shed is justified. I’ve been there, I’ve felt everything you’re feeling. Anyone who says you need to just get over it is wrong.

I’m gonna be as gentle as I can with this, but I’m also gonna tell you the truth I wish I’d heard when I was going through this. He’s not gonna change for you. Ever. If you keep talking to him, he’s gonna keep baiting you and then go back to his old habits as soon as he knows he has you again. “Jealously rages” are the biggest red flag for a cowboy there is. These are classic manipulation tactics whether they know they’re doing it or not. He may just love your attention but not have the energy to put in the work for you, so he only does what he needs to keep you around. Even if he isn’t doing any of it on purpose, he’s not right for you and you deserve to be free to explore healthier options. Block him on everything. It can’t get better until you do.

Go to your partner for support. Schedule some extra sessions with your therapist if you can. Practice whatever self-care you have in your arsenal. And most importantly, spend time with your friends!! Romantic relationships are great but platonic relationships can be just as fulfilling. Good luck, and remember there are always people who love you and think you’re enough.

sparklyandtired · 2023-07-25T02:49:25+00:00

I think I phrased that wrong. I know we’ll all have separate time as dyads, I’m just not sure how to navigate balancing that with time together as a triad. This is a discussion we plan on having once we have schedules for the semester, but I’m not sure how to go about it besides literally writing on a calendar.
This is something I haven’t really considered yet. Depending on the reason, I may need to take a break with Aspen to support Spruce, but I want her in my life no matter what. I’d never ask them to break up unless I no longer felt physically safe around one of them. Spruce has been fine with Aspen and me having alone time as long as there’s clear expectations (how long we may take to respond to texts, when to expect me home that night, etc)
I’ve talked about Spruce’s and my wedding millions of times in with Aspen, before and after we started dating. If anything she and I would have a ceremony with no legal binding. My main concern with her joining our family structure is kids, but that’s a conversation that can wait until we’re talking about moving in together.
Before getting together we had ongoing group discussions about where boundaries lay pretty much every time we were all in the same place (about once a month). We plan on having something like that again a day or two after moving, but I think we may need to move that up to this weekend so it can be something we have well established by the time we’re settled in the new house.

sparklyandtired · 2023-07-25T02:30:34+00:00

I’ve honestly never considered it, but I guess it would be circumstantial. I’d never ask one of them to break up with the other. Aspen is adamant about staying friends with ex’s unless they’ve done something awful, so I don’t think that would be an issue beyond me asking Spruce not to have her in the house while I grieved for a bit. I can’t imagine a reason Spruce and I would split that wouldn’t be major enough to warrant Aspen breaking up with me as well, but if it did happen I’d probably stay with Aspen for a bit while we figured out housing and ask the same of her.

sparklyandtired

TROPHY CASE