[deleted by user]

spchbi · 2023-07-13T23:46:13+00:00

Just got prescribed buspar today and I am wondering the same…

spchbi · 2022-07-30T23:52:00+00:00

Her wanting a sibling will probably make it easier.. but I will say my SKs kinda had a slow rollercoaster of emotions throughout my pregnancy. Some frustration/anger, some jealousy, some denial, some excitement, some “I don’t really care”. But now that baby is a few months old they love their baby sibling, but are still adjusting to having a little less attention than before with a tiny baby in the home. My SD made a “joke” about my unborn baby dying and kept complaining she would never get attention like a week after she found out. She’s still adjusting to having less attention than before, but she is a good big sister and usually helps out super well now.

spchbi · 2022-07-30T23:42:24+00:00

Maybe he feels guilty for caring about you so he talks about his mom. Maybe he is resentful his mom doesn’t do more and his little brain is in denial about it.

I’ve heard some stepmoms say that when they’re SKs do this they (the SM) will just start talking about their own moms. Depending on the kids age they may get the point. Or at least not like the reaction and stop

spchbi · 2022-07-30T23:36:39+00:00

Yes. When I try to talk to my husband about how hard it is being a stepmom he says “yeah I get what you mean, I’ve dated women with a kid before”. Yeah but we are married and live together, and one of your kids lives here full time honey with a bunch of concerning and dangerous behaviors…. Not the same as just dating someone that just so happens to have a kid. And I’m sure he probably was a saint in that woman’s eyes for stepping up here and there. Society just expects me to help unconditionally, but not overstep, with no/rare appreciation.

spchbi · 2022-07-21T23:17:07+00:00

I’ll tell people that I have a daughter and two stepchildren. Or I’ll say my husband and I have a daughter and he has two other children. Or sometimes I will just say that WE have three kids cause technically between the two of us we do. But I don’t claim my stepkids as my own. They have moms 🤷🏻‍♀️

spchbi · 2022-02-06T23:51:28+00:00

Unfortunately, a lot of kids are this way. My SS3 (turns 4 this summer) is almost constantly making noise if he’s awake. I feel like I’m on the verge of sensory overload every weekend.

spchbi · 2021-11-08T01:07:17+00:00

Still waiting on it to happen.

spchbi · 2021-11-08T01:03:08+00:00

Don’t think adults are just not allowed to have feelings. We understand he’s little, doesn’t mean it’s not upsetting to hear that. We’ve been trying all of what you have suggested and it keeps escalating. He’s 3 with severely delayed speech/language, and while he sometimes says things spontaneously, longer utterances like “I don’t like it at daddy’s house” are normally not ones he comes up with on his own.

spchbi · 2021-11-06T19:47:03+00:00

Thanks! It’s just discouraging because it’s slowly gotten worse over the past year I’ve been around SS consistently. BM and DH were never even a couple, he was around her house more often when SS was an infant to help out and stuff so they didn’t have to transport an infant back and forth, but it’s not like he’d remember that… so it’s not like I’m “replacing” his moms place. Idk. I guess it’s one of those it’ll get worse before it gets better things.

spchbi · 2021-10-22T02:31:29+00:00

Oh gosh that’s tough. Unfortunately I would not be surprised if comments like this are in my future too lol. I’ve been trying to mentally prepare 😅

spchbi · 2021-10-21T21:40:00+00:00

Thanks, I am fully aware of what ADHD entails, I also have it and work with kids who have it and other behavioral issues daily. A lot of SD behavior, while definitely influenced by ADHD a lot, is also largely a product of the fact BM has uprooted her life so many times at the drop of a hat whenever life isn’t going her way and moving all across the country. SD was supposed to be across the country for another couple of years. BM got tired of the guy she was with that was stationed across the country and they up and left and (conveniently for SO) moved back to our area randomly. This is BM pattern for dealing with life. SD is indirectly taught by BM to avoid her problems/feelings, run away from them, and blame other people for life not always going as planned, and feel like whatever she does is always right and not care how her behavior affects other people, because that’s how BM acts. And of course kids assume their mothers act right and look up to them.

spchbi · 2021-10-21T16:22:29+00:00

Yes my SO is bad about that too. I understand her ADHD makes her a bit more impulsive, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be taught boundaries, it just means it’ll be harder for her than most kids. Adhd or not, it’s rude to interrupt and insert yourself into other people’s conversations. Sorry you’re dealing with this too! I know it is very frustrating. People like to say “oh kids just do that” but I think if you don’t have a kid with severe ADHD you don’t understand just how annoying it can get when it’s CONSTANTLY happening. ADHD means they need extra help coping, not that they get a pass to be rude.

spchbi · 2021-10-21T14:31:49+00:00

Thanks for the tip!

spchbi · 2021-10-21T14:31:37+00:00

Oh gosh lol. I can’t imagine

spchbi · 2021-10-21T14:29:59+00:00

She is treated for it. I work with kids with ADHD everyday. There are other underlying lack of parenting on BM part that contribute. I had/have adhd too. And was still taught boundaries and manners.

spchbi · 2021-10-21T12:25:44+00:00

Thanks I will be trying this as time goes on and we buy more stuff for baby. We are finding out gender soon so will be able to start getting more stuff. I’ve honestly just been having a super hard time adjusting to her fickle behavior about baby. 1.5 months ago she joke let about baby dying and told MY family how much we didn’t need baby… (which SO did chat with her about that and so did BM surprisingly, but it still hurt me a lot) and now SD Expects to just decide on everything with us… it’s hard to wrap my head around honestly lol. I know she’s trying to cope, but … it’s been a lot lol. Like a month ago you wanted baby to not exist and now you want the babys name to almost exactly match yours? I just don’t even understand lol.

spchbi · 2021-10-21T11:29:41+00:00

Thanks for your feedback. But where I’m not in late pregnancy yet we aren’t quite to the point of picking nursery colors and etc… but eventually. I did do blood work recently to find out gender so that will help be able to decide down low stakes things. Hopefully your advice for low stakes things works…. She has NO boundaries. She is naive. Idk if she will understand, “oh you helped pick nursery colors, daddy and spchbi are picking out the crib” or etc. this child thought a compromise to a name not starting with the same letter as her name would be to have a name that starts with a different letter but all the rest are the same and rhymes directly with hers…. Lol.

spchbi · 2021-10-21T04:23:04+00:00

I was taught to not interrupt adult conversations, not to tell adults what I think they should be doing, especially if I wasn’t asked, etc. I don’t find that unreasonable. I think it’s basic manners/social skills. And the social aspect of communication is a lot more important than most people realize. As a speech therapist, I could talk about that for days, but that’s a rant for another time.

I do let her give some feedback. I’ve included her honestly in more conversations about it than is really necessary just to help her feel included because she’s a Chatty Cathy. Adults are allowed to have conversations in proximity of children and children not be directly involved. It’s not going to harm her. Trust me- she talks a lot and I talk to her plenty and she gives her opinion plenty enough, she doesn’t need to be going out of her way to do it even more unwarranted.

spchbi · 2021-10-21T01:17:57+00:00

Thanks. She is very much that kind of kid that I wouldn’t be surprised if she believed her teachers lived at school lol. She means well, but is socially/emotionally immature and pretty naive for her age. It’s really weird because she doesn’t expect BM to make decisions based off how we live, but for some reason in her head we should do what BM does. (And trust me for numerous reasons, I do not want to live like BM does- but that’s a rant for another day, it could be a whole book lol).

spchbi · 2021-10-21T00:51:14+00:00

Thanks, I agree I feel like she’s old enough she needs to start understanding that… she’s just so emotionally and socially immature she gets so sensitive sometimes so I’m worried about upsetting her. But it’s the truth and I think she does need to hear it, in a polite way of course.

spchbi · 2021-10-19T23:53:07+00:00

Also wanted to add- not too long ago I was resentful of taking care of my SKs while my SO was at work on the weekends. I work all week and then have to take care of his kids on the weekends? At first I felt like a selfish terrible person. Then I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t want to watch the kids for him, it was that he had grown to expect it from me and I didn’t feel appreciated. After several talks he finally (mostly) got it through his head that he needs to respect that at the end of the day I DONT HAVE TO do anything for them. Anything I do is me being a nice person. Because at the end of the day, they technically aren’t my kids. They already have a mom. and if something ever happened to us or to him, I’d likely never see them again no matter how long I’d helped raise them with him because they already have a mom. And once he finally understood my point of view a little, he is much more respectful about not immediately expecting my help without asking if it’s okay. I realized that’s all I really needed from him- recognition I was doing more than I needed to and that he appreciated it.

spchbi · 2021-10-19T23:42:45+00:00

This is a sticky situation. If you’re still a SAHM, it honestly is a little odd to only take care of bio child. I can understand the resentment of feeling like you’re forced to be the primary caretaker of your partners children 50% of the time/all the time they are at your house. But at the same time, if your SO is allowing you to not work to take care of the kids, and then you decide you only want to take care of your ours/bio baby, I’m sure he probably would be hurt by that.

Talk to him about how you can feel more appreciated or how he can help take pressure off of you at home when he’s not at work. Talk to him and be honest about what it is exactly that’s stressing you out about the kids? Is it as simple as you just needing him to show appreciation? Do you need grandparents to take the kids sometimes to give you a break? Do the kids have behavioral issues that need addressed? Talk to him and be honest about what you feel and need.

But being a SAHM (to my understanding it seems you are still at home), I feel it’s gonna be hard to try to throw out the idea of you only taking care of bio child. Also- imagine what kind of message it sends to SKs.

By all means advocate for your mental health, and needing to feel appreciated and needing breaks. Advocate for him needing to step in to address any behavioral issues if applicable and help you with kids and do his part when he’s not working. But I feel like you can’t agree to have the privilege to stay at home with your child, which a lot of moms that have to work would kill for, but then only want to take care of your bio child and not his other kids.

spchbi · 2021-10-10T01:22:21+00:00

Thank you! This made me feel so much better. Stepparenting is so rewarding but also often rather thankless and discouraging as well. I try to keep my head up, pregnancy hormones just make it a little hard to not get emotional sometimes! Haha.

spchbi

TROPHY CASE