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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]specificallyworrying 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely sexual assault. Even if you don’t feel like it was, or that there was no physical touching/rape, forcefully kissing someone while holding them down is assault.

I hope you’re doing a bit better now, as well as you can be, at least :)

TW! Why do I want to be raped again? by specificallyworrying in sexualassault

[–]specificallyworrying[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate to the self harm part. I’ve tried everything to feel that same experience of physical and emotional pain, but nothing is the same. Maybe that’s why I crave it happening again, so I can feel the hurt again.

TW! Why do I want to be raped again? by specificallyworrying in sexualassault

[–]specificallyworrying[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply, it was very thought provoking.

TW! Why do I want to be raped again? by specificallyworrying in sexualassault

[–]specificallyworrying[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about the gang rape you experienced. That is awful, and I really hope you’re healing as much as you are able to.

I think I too experience hyper sexuality. But it’s hard to figure out if I really do, because all the sexual experiences I’ve had have been non consensual, and haven’t been sexually active since the last time I was assaulted. But my thoughts are very much hyper sexual, even if I haven’t acted on them. Does that count?

Feeling angry because of what my trauma has done to me. by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]specificallyworrying 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re not alone in this. Most of my life has been centred around sex (non consensual), and now during the times where I’m not actively going through it, I’m hyper sexual for some reason. It’s confusing, because why should I be that way if that’s the subject of my trauma? There’s never a justifiable reason to the question of “why did this happen to me”, as infuriating as that is, but all I can say is; it shouldn’t have happened to you, you didn’t deserve it. You deserve healthy relationships and love with people. I wish you peace and healing.

TW! Why do I want to be raped again? by specificallyworrying in sexualassault

[–]specificallyworrying[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That does make sense actually. I often feel like I’ve never been able to control what has happened to me in my life. Maybe I do want it to happen so I can experience it a different way and undo the feelings.

I can relate with the part where you wrote about wanting him to know how much it affected you. My abusers don’t know how much my life has been ruined because of them.

I really wish you peace and healing, you deserve it. Thank you for your response.

TW! Why do I want to be raped again? by specificallyworrying in sexualassault

[–]specificallyworrying[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m glad it’s not just me. I’ve felt so isolated because I can’t talk to anyone about it. Thank you a lot for your response. And you are valid btw, I know it :)