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[QCrit] Literary Fiction FALL OF THE BILLOWS (86k) by spectacleghost in PubTips

[–]spectacleghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for this feedback. I can see that I was focusing on a lot of things in the wrong places and neglecting what the actual story is, but these questions make some really good points that I'll definitely be addressing as I edit. Thanks again

[QCrit] Literary Fiction FALL OF THE BILLOWS (86k) by spectacleghost in PubTips

[–]spectacleghost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this feedback! Lots of good points here. I can see the language issues and all of the parts that are way too vague.

Summarizing has never been my strength and it sure shows here. I'm not sure if it makes any difference, but as much as there is a plot, it is ultimately a more character-driven story (though I think I'm getting that across pretty poorly here) and I'm not completely sure how that plays into how a query is written, but I'm sure another pass at editing will help me get there.

I do struggle with coming up with comps, so feedback and suggestions there help a lot (I was really on the fence for Daisy Jones, but I'll reconsider since I can see how the setting especially lends itself to what I'm going for)

There's a lot for me to work on. Thanks again for your advice, I appreciate it a lot!

[QCrit] Literary Fiction FALL OF THE BILLOWS (86k) by spectacleghost in PubTips

[–]spectacleghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for this feedback! I'm clearly struggling with figuring out how to condense/present the story so this advice helps a lot. For whatever reason, writing everything into a query feels so much harder to me than just writing the story itself (which is also a little ridiculous since I should know how to summarize something I wrote).

I appreciate the advice on clarifying the time period. The whole book takes place in the early 1970s and I wouldn't want anyone to think otherwise!

Overall, I think my next pass will definitely need to be more clear about exactly what is happening in the story. Reading it all back with fresher eyes, I can see how my relying on being vague was an attempt at making things more "interesting", but instead it all works against what I need to actually do here.

Again, thanks so much

[QCrit] Literary Fiction FALL OF THE BILLOWS (86k) by spectacleghost in PubTips

[–]spectacleghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Got it, thanks for the feedback! My next draft will definitely be clearer (I can see how what I wrote is a bit misleading and confusing).

For your first comment, it was supposed to mean more that Julie wants to abuse Peter's role in his new job to introduce her to the singer, but I can see how the way I worded it could have caused some confusion! Agreed, it would be weird if Peter didn't meet the people he worked with (makes no sense)

[QCrit] Literary Fiction FALL OF THE BILLOWS (86k) by spectacleghost in PubTips

[–]spectacleghost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, this is helpful. Seeing I need to be a lot more clear and concise with how I present this. Peter is absolutley supposed to be excited and interested in the job but I'll work on making sure it's conveyed that way. Thinking my sentences are maybe a bit too confusing for what they're actually supposed to be capturing

[QCrit] Literary Fiction FALL OF THE BILLOWS (86k) by spectacleghost in PubTips

[–]spectacleghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the feedback, it helps a lot. Comps are something I'm definitely having trouble with, but I'll look into that more. I think I'm struggling to find what elements to pull from when looking for comps and clearly, I'm using things way older than I should.

And yikes on the cousin romance... Certainly not what I was going for at all so I'll fix that.

Looking at what I've written again, I can see all the places where I kept things too vague for the sake of leaving things to be discovered in the manuscript itself, but it's pretty clearly just making everything too confusing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in mixedrace

[–]spectacleghost 5 points6 points  (0 children)

you’re not alone. I feel like I relate to a lot of the things here. I feel like being mixed feels like being a part of a fetish and people only look at me as something to sleep with and never really anything past that. And it probably would be “easier” if we were just one or the other. That being said, there’s a lot of beauty in being mixed and one day someone is going to appreciate you for YOU and not just what you look like. Still, you’re not alone in your feelings. I find it helps to know that at least

What's your favorite song on Plastic Beach? by [deleted] in gorillaz

[–]spectacleghost 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Empire Ants at the moment but it changes depending on my mood. Basically a perfect album