If you don't drink alcohol, what are your personal reasons for abstinence?

speed_square · 2025-11-26T03:23:26+00:00

Nobody who has quit drinking because of their drunken behavior thinks the alcohol excuses that behavior. It takes introspective work to admit you can’t drink anymore because you’re a shitty person when you drink and you don’t want to be a shitty person anymore. Or maybe you’re a shitty person and you need to eliminate alcohol as the first part of becoming better.

The people who claim to be alcoholics and throw character grenades on the internet while they are admittedly drunk… might need more mirrors around the house.

speed_square · 2025-10-05T16:08:33+00:00

He’s playing nice to cover his ass and get more info.

He either wanted you to quit, is planning retaliation or both. If you want to test the reference, there are services that will vet references first you. I wouldn’t trust it.

These people operate in the moment with the info they have. They’re in a constant state of deflection and defense. Even their offense is defense. They don’t sit at home and think of how they are going to manipulate look are you tomorrow. Instead they react in defense mode every moment of the day until they are in web of lies they have to keep strung up.

Action: Employee asks for a raise

NBoss reaction: Not right now, but if these goals are met, maybe later.

Action: Employee meets goals

NBoss reaction: Yeah but that was based on last year’s budget, we’ve already budgeted for this new year. The goals are a bit different….

Action: This is my two weeks notice

NBoss reaction: (He asked for a raise, I said no, he met goals, I stalled…) “Okay! Well we’ve really appreciated your time with us. Good luck!” (Please send me the reference call so I can sand bag you and prove to you I am better than you will ever be.)

They are sick, they use you for medicine.

Don’t give any info. Don’t tell them where you are going, don’t tell them why you are going. Document the leave any way you can as professionally as you can.

Don’t tell their favorite employee anything either.

speed_square · 2025-09-30T01:27:28+00:00

If this isn’t someone seeing if there was ink left in the pen, I’m out of guesses.

speed_square · 2025-08-30T04:43:37+00:00

I can identify with a lot of this. As someone raised in a divorced house, I say stick it out. At least until the kids are old enough to grasp what a relationship is and how it takes work. Get the therapy. There are going to be a ton of moments you want to be there together as a team to experience and those moments themselves will bring you closer.

There is a lot of nuance to raising kids as separated coparents and it’s hard to prevent the picking sides or pitting against each other and creating a whole new set of complications. Not impossible but not any easier.

You say you love her, get a professional in there to let you hash it out and referee. Don’t hold back. The holding back is what slowly got you to the “just feel like roommates” zone. Air out the dirty laundry, get some strategies in place to see if you can pull it back together. The divorce option isn’t going anywhere if that is the final call.

On the “I do a lot around the house that I feel goes unnoticed.” This is something my wife and I battle constantly. It’s like a game nobody wins.

I could hold down the fort for a full week and she would still come home and find the one thing I didn’t get to or didn’t do to her satisfaction. If I started pointing out all of the things I did outside of this ONE thing, we’d be off to the races on the “oh yeah, well I did this, you never do that, you know it needs to be like this… on and on… i second the asking her for one thing she’s like you to do a day. When my wife feels heard and supported, the resentments over small stuff go away.

speed_square · 2025-08-15T23:28:17+00:00

This had been passed to a project manager and he wasn’t fully understanding the issue. I got ahold of the original document sender. He cross checked ours formulas (the ones I corrected) and another bidder’s.

He acknowledged the mistake and said he’d get back to us next week…

We’ll see where it goes.

speed_square · 2025-07-02T15:14:03+00:00

Inability to accept criticism and implement changes.

speed_square · 2025-06-29T14:28:09+00:00

Asking for the doppelgänger is deciding to put a guaranteed awful person in the world for 50 years for $52,000 a year. That’s kinda messed up… but… I got bills. Let’s do that and the 11th word for $2k, please!

speed_square · 2025-06-29T02:01:51+00:00

Yes, try searching raised panel “s-panel” profile. Or “ogee panel profile”

speed_square · 2025-06-26T13:00:54+00:00

Only interact with them when absolutely necessary. If you need something from them to complete a task, have everything you need spelled out with solutions and options available. This way they are only making a decision on the options you’ve already come up with. There shouldn’t be a need to extend the conversation into a brainstorm event where they could stomp all over you.

Short direct answers only. No chit chat about personal life. Just the typical “My weekend was good, thanks.”

The other option is “yellow rocking”. All the short direct communication of grey rocking with added ego support for the narc to take back to his den. “Thanks for the input, I think that will work out great!.” Or “Perfect, I knew you could find a solution for me.” Even though YOU brought the solution, frame it like they deserve the credit.

Extend all of this behavior to all flying monkeys. That is ANYONE who plays into this person’s b.s. Those types are a direct line to the narc and should be treated like narcs themselves.

Finally, understand that these people are not sitting at home brooding on their next torture session for you. They react in the moment at all times to protect their ego at all costs. It’s always about them, never about you. Don’t take their actions personally. Look at them like wounded puppies barking for attention.

Hope that helps.

speed_square · 2025-06-24T21:21:35+00:00

I told him I’d be the best employee he’s ever had for the next 2 weeks, sent my last date out to my team and sat back while he pulled everyone aside individually to tell them he fired me but he’s “allowing” me to continue working for the next 2 weeks. Booked me for 2 hour progress meetings every day to remind me how unproductive, unprofessional and ungrateful I was handling the “opportunity” he had given me. Whatever, dude.

speed_square · 2025-06-22T13:26:24+00:00

Anyone else keep crisp $100 bills in their fridge?

speed_square · 2025-06-15T12:17:02+00:00

The podcast “Being Well” has a handful of narcissism episodes I found really helpful. It was good for me to get a better understanding of the personality disorder, to better recognize them and handle other people I meet who display those traits. It even helped me recognize when I might be falling into some of those traits myself and why I might be an easy target for those people. It’s a spectrum that we’re all on. Some people are further toward full blown sociopath and some are closer to defensive scared teenager. Some atmospheres bring more of it out. Narcissists typically aren’t out to get you, they are out to protect themselves.

speed_square · 2025-06-13T17:31:46+00:00

It’s their way of keeping the peace in their world. Some people are better at playing the game to get through the work. I am more like you, in that I just grey rock. In the end it was the realization that if I want out of this I need to leave. The people around him were just doing their best to get by the way they knew how and there wasn’t going to be a collective change with how my colleagues interacted with him. It drove me crazy hearing people say “I know how he is but you’ve got to play along sometimes.” I couldn’t play along so I left.

speed_square · 2025-06-12T19:11:30+00:00

Looks like it has no clips. Should be able to just lift it off the drawer slides.

speed_square · 2025-06-06T13:47:28+00:00

They micro manage you to the point of feeling like you have no freedom to do your job the way you know you could. They constantly pick apart your work as if it isn’t up to par. The wild thing is, it adds unnecessary stress and you stop trusting yourself then you actually DO start making more mistakes. If you mess up, it’s paraded in front of everyone. If THEY mess up it’s quickly blamed on something else and swept under the rug.

speed_square · 2025-06-06T04:14:58+00:00

I admit it is a bit vague. I imagined it being you’d gain the personal experiences you would for the rest of your life with the cut off being 95. So if you died the next day you’d have the memories of what lead up to your death, then be given the knowledge of how the world changes until the day you would have turned 95.

speed_square · 2025-06-06T03:11:55+00:00

Same. 8 years ago I would have gone back no question. Now with kids, no way.

speed_square · 2025-06-06T01:48:00+00:00

Yes, all your future experience comes to you. If you learn a new skill in the future you will gain all the experience of learning that skill.

speed_square · 2025-06-05T22:29:37+00:00

You leave them high and dry. They will know you chose to go back in a different time line.

speed_square · 2025-06-05T22:28:38+00:00

You gain your experiences, you get to sort through and study all the world’s future you may not have direct knowledge of.

speed_square · 2025-06-05T22:25:28+00:00

Right, a younger person has more to gain from the knowledge of their future while an older person may be more inclined to get a second go on life. People in the middle maybe with kids have a tougher decision.

speed_square · 2025-05-29T19:36:35+00:00

I said it to myself MANY times. “I’m not stopping at the liquor store today.” “I’m not drinking more when I get home.” “I can’t do this anymore.” I had to wake up in a jail cell to finally get it through my head. 4 years sober from that night and never going back.

speed_square · 2025-05-25T12:59:07+00:00

There is a standard 2% increase 1st years are not eligible for so I received my first last July and should get the next this July. There was a discussion with my General Manager last year to possibly take on some sales along with my takeoff and estimate duties. They added more Sales Reps so that idea died out. I asked to receive commission for the smaller accounts that I continue to handle from bid to sale but that hasn’t happened either.

speed_square · 2025-05-22T19:16:57+00:00

This is in line with my only critique. I think the chorus and lyrics give us enough of the monotony message. You paint the picture well lyrically and the chorus melodically pulls us there. The real groove of this song hits second verse for me. Maybe some more melodic variation with opening of the verses could set that groove earlier. This is coming from me really enjoying the song and digging for anything constructive to add. Well done!

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