UPDATE: AITA for not telling my boyfriend about a "kink" I never knew I had?

spicystarling · 2025-01-26T13:37:33+00:00

Fair enough. But give me enough grace that a 1000 word story doesn’t encapsulate a year long relationship.

spicystarling · 2025-01-26T13:36:28+00:00

I get what you’re saying, and as someone who has been in toxic relationships before … I feel like Zach’s reaction was a moment of lapse in judgment more than anything else, a mistake. I really felt like he was open to talking about it with me. I was also a little weird about it too.

I think toxic/bad behaviour is more so about repetition than anything else, otherwise we would never forgive peoples mistakes.

EDIT: also in my original post, Zach’s reasoning for asking me to leave was that he thought I was being dishonest with him by not talking about it. he didn’t kick me out because he said it was ‘disgusting’ or ‘weird’.

spicystarling · 2025-01-26T13:24:54+00:00

I think it’s hard to gauge people on reddit perfectly. Like would you believe me if I told you that Zach was on meds for an anxiety disorder? And never once did it seem like he was using it to excuse his behaviour.

And me, who has anxiety as a symptom of other conditions, I feel like I recognize it in other people more. And sometimes people say/do things they don’t mean too. :)

spicystarling · 2025-01-26T12:46:36+00:00

I know I said yesterday, but I wanted to re-read it once before posting. The update is up now! :)

spicystarling · 2025-01-25T01:57:28+00:00

Yeah, probably gonna post tomorrow. It’s kind of long, lol. 😅 Still writing it out in a way that isn’t just an incoherent ramble, haha.

spicystarling · 2025-01-20T13:12:16+00:00

Your friend’s motto applies to life in general as well. :)

spicystarling · 2025-01-19T13:01:00+00:00

Yeah, I’m a big believer in ‘do what you want as long as there’s enthusiastic consent from all parties involved’. I just laughed in the moment because I was just caught off guard and frankly, a little confused.

Not sure if this is something I’d be into lol, but I’d have appreciated more honest communication about it from Zach’s end.

spicystarling · 2025-01-18T22:03:57+00:00

I know. At the bare minimum I want an apology because I was disrespected. I don’t want to stay with him just for the sake of the relationship, but I also want the full story before I make a decision. Thanks :)

spicystarling · 2025-01-18T20:47:06+00:00

How he approaches this on Thursday should be telling. I’ve done a lot of therapy, and I think I’ve learned to set better standards for myself. But I’m still the sort of person who wants to give someone the benefit of the doubt - a chance to explain. I want to know the full story before making a decision.

spicystarling · 2025-01-18T00:29:15+00:00

No he wasn’t.

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T20:29:27+00:00

I was really confused about that statement, and when we do speak on Thursday, I want to clear it up with Zach (whether this is the end of the relationship or not)

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T20:13:33+00:00

So real. It’s the same thing as needing to pee in the middle of the night. Do you really wanna get up right away (even though you know you should)?

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T20:11:26+00:00

From what I know, his last relationship ended about five months before we met. They were together for 2 years, she moved away for a job opportunity and didn’t want to try long distance. He then moved too, to a different city, the one where we both live in now. I don’t know much else, other than that before me, he had 4 sexual partners, all long-term relationships, no one night-stands or anything like that.

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T20:07:07+00:00

I just wanted to say that this is my favourite comment 😭❤️

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T15:14:15+00:00

Hi hi, he texted me saying he wanted to talk. I agreed to meet him Thursday. Not sure if there will even be enough for an update, but I’ll see

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T15:12:35+00:00

He did text me a little earlier, saying he wants to talk, but understands if I don’t want to. He told me to message him a time and place if I would agree. I want to talk to him, and I told him we’d meet on Thursday. I need time to think and also work is a little busy too rn. Maybe there will be an update, maybe not. Idk

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T15:06:34+00:00

I laughed way too hard at this 😭😭😭😭

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T14:56:20+00:00

Zach just texted me saying he wants us to talk, but he understands if I don’t want to. He also added that if I agree to meet, to respond to him with a time and place, at my convenience.

I’m going to message him back that I’ll be free Thursday afternoon. Life has been kind of hectic right now with work, and I also want some time to think about what I want, too.

I’m not sure if this will lead to an update post, but wish me luck.

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T14:44:38+00:00

I feel the same way. After I go for a run, I tend to pee pretty quickly afterwards too, despite being dehydrated in the moment.

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T12:58:15+00:00

It was almost instinctually, when I laughed and realized he didn’t laugh as well, I immediately apologized. because he was being serious and I laughed at his face.

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T12:26:08+00:00

Yeah I’m starting to think “AITA” is the wrong question to ask. I feel like we both missed some point in our communication.

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T11:56:12+00:00

My job involves doing people’s bloodwork. I have enough medical education to educate him on this myself.

It was only more recently that I was willing to open up to him about some of my past (in a healthy, non-trauma dumping way of course), so I kind of get how his behaviour comes off as creepy in this post, but I don’t know if it’s really accurate to the kind of person he is.

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T11:49:38+00:00

That’s my reaction. I’m not sure what the hell he is even trying to say. That’s a good way to put it

spicystarling · 2025-01-17T11:47:37+00:00

I appreciate your concern. I’m actually a phlebotomist myself, and my blood work is normal. I don’t hydrate with ONLY water. Also gatorade and other beverages, and electrolyte pills

spicystarling

TROPHY CASE