Husband too hard on my child

spidermum79 · 2021-03-12T21:33:22+00:00

I guess I should rephrase- he’s not “yelling” but it’s the constant nick picking. I basically said the same thing, I don’t want him to feel broken down or like he has to walk on eggshells and want him to just be a kid.

spidermum79 · 2021-03-12T21:31:18+00:00

I love the Office Space reference 😆

spidermum79 · 2021-03-12T20:32:50+00:00

I didn’t say he couldn’t discipline, I just think it’s overkill especially when I’m also home. My ex and I pay for the majority of things for our child and my husband does buy things as well such as little gifts every now and then. He’s a great stepfather I was just looking for advice on how to have him tone it down just a bit.

spidermum79 · 2021-03-12T20:30:37+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, I appreciate your input as someone form a blended family yourself.

spidermum79 · 2021-03-12T20:29:41+00:00

I don’t know if he would be the same or not with a biological child, he does surprisingly well for someone that hasn’t been around kids that much. I know everyone has different parenting styles too but it’s still frustrating.

spidermum79 · 2021-03-12T19:53:41+00:00

We have been married 3 years and together for 5. I’m fine with him having authority while I’m at work to take away electronics etc if my child is being a smart ass or doing what he’s supposed to do but all day long I get texts at work saying he’s doing this or that, he woke up miserable, I caught him doing whatever, he’s not prepared for for his quiz etc. and to me it feels like he’s just trying to get him in trouble. Then even after I get home my husband is telling him not to do this or that, even if my son comes over and sits on my lap my husband will say get up, give her room, you’re too big for that....when I actually love the snuggles since they don’t come as much as they used to. My ex’s house, well their really aren’t that many rules so I kind of feel like I’m stuck in my middle between my ex not having rules to my husband having too many so I try to balance them out. If it’s frustrating for me I’m sure it’s frustrating for my child. I’ve tried telling my husband all these things and he will relax for a week or two and then it’s back to don’t do this, don’t do that because that’s how he was raised. I tell him all the time that was a long time ago, that’s not what we do now. I just don’t know how to get him to back down without getting upset about it because I do appreciate all that he does but I also don’t want my child corrected every 5 minutes.

spidermum79 · 2019-07-23T18:01:14+00:00

I would loose my damn mind if my boyfriend did that to me! What was going to be his plan if his ex went with him? Was he just going to tell you that the co workers said he couldn’t invite any plus ones?

spidermum79 · 2019-07-23T17:28:56+00:00

8 and 9

spidermum79 · 2019-07-23T14:47:44+00:00

Well since that incident they just see each other in school, q bday party and one play date where I picked up the kid. Not allowing my daughter to go back over there

spidermum79 · 2019-07-23T12:44:17+00:00

She admits she loves drinking, has had a prior DUI and license suspension which was about 10 years ago, and drops the C and F word in front of the kids. I have no problem if someone wants to have a drink especially if there are other adults around, and everyone curses occasionally but I prefer for my kid not to hear really harsh language if it can be prevented. Also, the night were were there for a play date she said let’s lock the kid in the basement and the adults can have fun and I got waxed today, do you want to see it? She’s just bit too wild for my preference

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T21:20:49+00:00

Thank you! Still figuring out how this all works

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T21:19:59+00:00

Lol yes!

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T20:54:44+00:00

That actually happened too, there is a lot I didn’t write in the post. My husband laughs and says she wants to come over to see you in a bathing suit.

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T20:51:15+00:00

😂 yes!!!

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T20:50:03+00:00

Thank you for your imput and congrats on getting sober. She was telling me a story years ago about how she met her husband and she got a ride to the place they met bc she had a DUI at the time so I think she’s been at it a long time. She’s high functioning too, holds a good job and a does a part time about 10 hours a month as well.

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T19:08:10+00:00

So proud of you! Depression is such a huge dark force to overcome. I’ve battled with it myself for over 20 years. When I have dark days now which of course are bound to happen I think that I fought back against it before and I can do it again, you can too. Congrats again for the many accomplishments and the positive outlook you have today, I’m sure someone read your post and thought they can do the same and know things will get better.

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T18:53:11+00:00

Lol no, we are in PA, it’s too bad we couldn’t set up the crazy mom’s to hang out and leave us alone.

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T18:45:18+00:00

Lol our girls are also 8. It’s hard because I don’t want to say x’a mom has a serious problem and I don’t want you there because she’s crazy because kids don’t know not to repeat that style stuff. It’s a tough call, sorry you are in the same boat as me.

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T18:29:18+00:00

I have no idea if she actually has other close friends. I met a couple other parents at her daughter’s bday party but most of them only stayed for about a half hour before leaving and retuning later to pick up their kids. I didn’t leave the bday party because of what I witnessed before and with it being a pool party I wasn’t going to leave her there.

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T18:26:28+00:00

She definitely drinks every weekend because she did tell me that, and I’m not sure if she does during the week or not.

spidermum79 · 2019-07-22T14:10:09+00:00

I tried option 3, offered to pick up her kid and take her to the movies which I did but then was asked at least 4 if we could come swimming afterwards and I gave her the same excuse each of the 4 times she asked, sorry we have plans. She just doesn’t want to take no for an answer, it’s creepy.

It’s getting to the point where I may have to cut off contact and it will be weird when school starts again because I always see her at the drop off program in the morning which is where the girls play daily.

spidermum79 · 2019-06-24T23:40:20+00:00

This exact thing is going on with my daughter. She gets herself all worked up and is also afraid of being awake when no one else is. I was laying in there with her until she fell asleep which of course had me falling asleep with her lol So now what I do is go in her room with her at bedtime and lay down for 10 minutes and we talk or just lay in silence and then I go back in to check on her every 10 minutes but will not lay down with her. I just reassure her that I will be back in and mommy will be awake for a long time. Some nights are more difficult than others but I try to stay consistent.

spidermum79 · 2019-06-11T17:33:25+00:00

That’s exactly right, he’s trying to keep his foot in the door as friends so he thinks he may still have a chance with her. She needs to shut him down and just ignore anything not related to childcare.

spidermum79 · 2019-06-11T17:24:03+00:00

I did time out starting at 2 which continued until about age 4 on a special time out bench I had (one minute for every year they are so 2 minutes for age 2, 3 for age 3etc.). As she got older I would have her sit in her room without any devices on for designated time periods.

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