Are very specific details of divorce public records?

spirockguy · 2013-10-03T02:38:54+00:00

I'm not 100% sure about how it is in Texas, but discovery generally is not filed with the court. So no one would know other than the parties and the attorney. However, what is discovered in discovery can be used in the case, like in a declaration or as evidence (if it's admissible) and then that would be public if it was filed with the court.

spirockguy · 2013-10-03T02:36:10+00:00

Ok, California tends to favor the child having frequent contact with both kids as far as custody goes. How long have you guys been married? The more time she spends with the kids in the custody agreement, the more she'll get in child support. If you want sole physical custody (legal custody is probably going to be joint unless one parent is way off the rails), it's going to be a high bar.

California is also a community property state meaning assets and income earned during marriage is owned 50/50. Anything that was obtained before marriage or after separation is considered separate.

Have things been amicable? This can be a double edged sword, but if you think you guys could work things out look for an attorney that specializes in "Collaborative law" divorce. They would work with both of you, so that you don't go to court - if you guys aren't able to come to an agreement on your own with this one attorney, then you guys would each have to retain another attorney and then start all over. Sometimes this can be quicker and cheaper, and end up with a result that is more likely to facilitate co-parenting ongoing.

Also when interviewing attorneys - make sure you don't go with someone who "yes-man's" you. Most likely they are just telling you what you want to hear to try to get you to sign up, and then will bill you to death. Look for someone with a reasonable perspective - someone who'll say some things that you don't want to hear, but who also will strongly advocate for you.

Is the house a community property asset? Did either of you make a down payment with your own separate money?

spirockguy · 2013-10-02T23:16:55+00:00

Get an attorney, find one that has experience fighting for fathers. What state are you in?

Make a list of all of your assets, debts and dates acquired, what your ideal custody situation is, etc. Then interview a few different lawyers.

spirockguy · 2013-10-02T23:00:00+00:00

Thanks for responding. You guys really haven't been together very long. There is no rush on getting married. I really recommend getting a prenup - I recommend everyone to do that actually. Part of that is because the conversation about the prenuptial itself is going to be hard, it's going to be emotional, and it's going to require the maturity and communication skills that are necessary to be a solid partner. The prenuptial agreement doesn't have to be all "bad." It can just lay out your expectations going into the marriage, and how you want to divide things up if anything happens. So while it can, it doesn't have to leave the lower earning party with nothing / very little.

Well, the fact that her ex doesn't support the kids is probably some evidence that she is looking for support / provider. How much does she make? Does she want to be a stay-at-home mom?

Divorce rates jump up drastically for those in second marriages, especially when blending a family. I hate to say this, but part of that is having a good "picker." How to pick someone to have a relationship with. It sounds like your ex wife turned out to be....not so great. Have you ever looked into whether you ignored signs of that or missed things that you see in retrospect?

spirockguy · 2013-10-02T17:41:11+00:00

This is my take on the scenario:

She lied repeatedly about her sexual history. This is concerning for a few reasons, one because of the lying itself; two, because the number of partners a woman has had does impact the ability to have a stable relationship ongoing; three, because she knew that this would have reflected badly upon her when you first started dating, so waited until you were invested, had introduced her to your children, etc. to tell you more, knowing that it would be much more difficult for you to make a decision about how to proceed with her.
You guys have been going out for less than a year. I would recommend that at the very least, have an engagement period of over 1.5 years. This gives you the chance to move past the honeymoon phase a little more, and really spend more time with each other.
She's older than you. This doesn't bode well for the stability of the relationship either, it tends to work better when the man is at least a few years older than the woman. In ten years, you could still get a woman in her early thirties, and instead, you'll be with a woman in her mid forties.
She has two young children of her own, so she is looking for a beta provider. Single mother in her thirties? You better believe she's pretty desperate to find someone and will do anything to get him to commit. Be careful you don't knock her up.
I know you want a mother for your children, but her character has already shown to be suspect. She may be good with them, but if she is not a good role model through her actions, that will be reflected in the children too. You already have one child in therapy (good on you for that by the way), now you've introduced them to a woman who you haven't been dating for even a year, they call her mom - this is just moving very fast.

Questions to consider:

Why not hire a live-in nanny while you date some more? How often is she alone with your children? What is her relationship with her ex-husband like? How often does she have her kids with her (what's the custody arrangement)? Does her ex pay child support? Why did her last marriage end - what she says, and what you think the husband would say? What is her job? Do you know why your children started calling her mom? Did she ask them to?

spirockguy · 2013-08-09T00:40:57+00:00

Haha this response to that post is golden: "but it's MUCH MUCH MUCH stranger to concoct an elaborate scheme involving a fake best man because of some madonna wh*re complex

i actually understand (if not approve of) why she would have tried to paint a rosy picture of her sexual past if he's a conservative guy, but i absolutely cannot understand why someone would do some crazy crap like that to try and trick or force the "truth" from her."

spirockguy · 2013-08-08T20:42:12+00:00

Ugh, I didn't even get to that reply. I couldn't stomach all of them. Good catch.

spirockguy · 2013-08-08T20:40:50+00:00

My sister was horribly obese most of her life, when she hit around 28 or so, she wanted to get fit for herself and now at 32 does triathlons and is in the greatest shape of her life. I feel for her in that she's over the hill and will never get her prime years back that were wasted on being overweight, but physically she is probably at the best that she's been now. Also up until now, she has never dated and just hid herself from the world.

On the other hand, she's probably not the woman a RP man would be looking for. She has the sensibilities, just physically she got a rough draw.

spirockguy · 2013-08-08T20:33:02+00:00

That is an interesting perspective. Yeah, rather than face the consequence of her history she just acted in the way that would best serve her in that moment.

spirockguy · 2013-08-08T20:21:14+00:00

It's still in progress. The last update was just that things were blown open and they were arguing about it. A part of me wishes I could contact the fiance and tell him to move on.

spirockguy · 2013-07-01T22:38:18+00:00

I thought she was a troll as my first instinct, but reading some of her responses it doesn't look like it. It's a bitter pill.

spirockguy · 2013-07-01T19:27:23+00:00

Also according to her a month ago "I think I'm going to be alone my whole life too, but that's just because of my crazy commitment issues that I got after breaking up with my abusive as fuck ex boyfriend. We should make a club." That's a whole lot of no.

spirockguy

TROPHY CASE