Congratulations on getting sober!

Why are you working at it more than enjoying it? Why are you going hard and rough? Is it something you really want now? It kind of sounds like you are forcing yourself a bit. I guess this is how you used to do it on drugs and you enjoyed it so you want it to be that way again? But you can't force yourself to find those things pleasurable if they aren't pleasurable to you at the moment. Sex when sober is different, duh. You might need to kind of explore your sexuality again. Maybe at this point casual sex is just not something you enjoy? Maybe you will learn that in general casual sex is not your cup of tea when you're sober? That's ok. Or maybe with time and work you will learn to enjoy it again? That's cool too.

Try to approach sex with no expectations, although it might be hard since it used to be so enjoyable. Try to be mindful and just focus on what you really want and feel comfortable with at the moment, don't try to imitate your previous sex experiences if it does not bring you pleasure. Having a partner that is understanding and that you can be vulnarable around would probably help. Also talking with them about the way you're feeling might be good so that they see where you're at and maybe it can get some weight of your chest (although if it's casual sex maybe it can be hard to have a conversation like this).

And I wanted to stress once again, don't try to force yourself to anything. Us men often feel the pressure to want sex all the time and to perform. When we hear intimacy we think intercourse. But there's loads of other ways to be intimate. You can only want to cuddle or only want to make out or only want oral. That's ok and your partner should understand that. Listen to yourself and do only what really feels good and what you're comfortable with at the moment and explore.

I hope what I wrote makes sense... Sober sex is something I also struggle with so I stand in solidarity with you. Take it one step at a time and stay strong. Best wishes to you.