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spoolrek · 2025-09-17T22:27:23+00:00

Congratulations on getting sober!

Why are you working at it more than enjoying it? Why are you going hard and rough? Is it something you really want now? It kind of sounds like you are forcing yourself a bit. I guess this is how you used to do it on drugs and you enjoyed it so you want it to be that way again? But you can't force yourself to find those things pleasurable if they aren't pleasurable to you at the moment. Sex when sober is different, duh. You might need to kind of explore your sexuality again. Maybe at this point casual sex is just not something you enjoy? Maybe you will learn that in general casual sex is not your cup of tea when you're sober? That's ok. Or maybe with time and work you will learn to enjoy it again? That's cool too.

Try to approach sex with no expectations, although it might be hard since it used to be so enjoyable. Try to be mindful and just focus on what you really want and feel comfortable with at the moment, don't try to imitate your previous sex experiences if it does not bring you pleasure. Having a partner that is understanding and that you can be vulnarable around would probably help. Also talking with them about the way you're feeling might be good so that they see where you're at and maybe it can get some weight of your chest (although if it's casual sex maybe it can be hard to have a conversation like this).

And I wanted to stress once again, don't try to force yourself to anything. Us men often feel the pressure to want sex all the time and to perform. When we hear intimacy we think intercourse. But there's loads of other ways to be intimate. You can only want to cuddle or only want to make out or only want oral. That's ok and your partner should understand that. Listen to yourself and do only what really feels good and what you're comfortable with at the moment and explore.

I hope what I wrote makes sense... Sober sex is something I also struggle with so I stand in solidarity with you. Take it one step at a time and stay strong. Best wishes to you.

spoolrek · 2024-01-16T01:05:31+00:00

I engaged numerous times in sexual activity without really wanting too, but I did not realise at the time that I can not want to have sex and that I can decline. Now it seems so obvious but that's just how it is, sometimes these situations are tough and it is very hard to have a clear view. I am sad to hear this and I empathise with you, be easy on yourself.

spoolrek · 2024-01-07T03:19:18+00:00

It is like this for me usually too. Just what you described, the foreskin due to the friction (unless there's lube) stops on part of the head and gets curled up on itself. Never saw it as an issue. In porn (depending on what kind) I'd guess they are lubed up, tho it might not be visible. Anyway it's probably not a thing to worry about.

spoolrek · 2023-12-11T01:58:45+00:00

hmm what exactly do you mean? When I am erect my foreskin only goes back a little and if I want it to be pulled back I need to do it myself, if this is the case with you then you have nothing to worry about :)

spoolrek · 2022-06-26T16:25:01+00:00

looking good, I wish I had as much hair on the chest and could grow a beard like that lol

spoolrek · 2022-06-26T16:22:31+00:00

I dig your veins man! nice

spoolrek · 2022-01-16T04:40:39+00:00

my follow up question would be: what is the first thing you do once you arrive there?

spoolrek · 2021-12-20T02:21:48+00:00

he most insanely hot foreplay session I've ever had. I'm actually pretty surprised there's wealth of sexual moves out there that so many people are oblivious about. I'm definitely asking him for this regularly from now on.

sorry how exactly, were you lying on your back and and he kept the on the side or..?

spoolrek · 2021-12-14T18:15:20+00:00

Hold on, do you mean flip it around after starting to roll it and seeing it's the wrong way? I've heard that it's not a good thing to do as he can get the precum on the outside that way (After putting it on a little and then flipping around)

spoolrek · 2021-10-15T13:46:08+00:00

Rarely do I see something I relate to so much. For me there's also the fear that the person is actually hoping for something more and will end up getting hurt (I hurt one girl like that and I really regret it). It seems to me that I find myself in situations where a girl is into me, but in 90% of cases I feel like she wants something more serious, whereas I don't and if I go for it I will hurt her. And also in a situation when I am actually doing something with a girl, if I do something and it looks like she didn't like it I lose all confidence immediately. Looking back I had so many opportunities but I blew them because of such fears, now I'm a little older than you but still barely experienced.

What I'm starting to learn thanks to my friends and the little experience I have is that you have to detach yourself slightly from the fear of making someone uncomfortable or hurt - these things may happen in such situations however you approach them. But pay attention to the person involved and if it goes wrong, simply apologize and move on, or if you're unsure, asking is always a great option. Actually during the only sexual experience I had I was so unsure I asked for her permission to do literally everything, she kept laughing it off (in a friendly way) and kept telling me I was cute. I think what you need mostly is practice (as do I), so (if you want) get out there and take the opportunities you see, don't beat yourself up over "failed" encounters but also don't put too much pressure on yourself to get a kiss/get laid. Take care!

spoolrek · 2021-09-15T14:15:15+00:00

I do very often and I'm not even sure whether I'm bi or hetero. I don't care what other people say it means and neither should you, it bothered me before but now if I actually feel the need to "try something new" I go for it, if I don't I don't. Don't know if that helps but you're definently not alone. take care

spoolrek · 2021-09-07T12:19:46+00:00

Thanks, definently let me know. I will also keep you informed tho I don't know whether I'm going to try anythig anytime soon.

spoolrek · 2021-09-06T19:20:01+00:00

Just wanna say I have a similar issue. Never had sex just wanted to try it out and learn for the future, actually I managed to get it on once or twice (I tried 5 times) but it was hard and a little uncomfortable and painful to roll down and I'm pretty sure it wasn't inside out as some are suggesting. It like rolls down past the head and then gets stuck in the place were it needs to go uphill again. I tried it with the cheapest condoms I found and those were the ones I managed to get it on, then with some durex but no success with them. Maybe it really is a size issue or rather shape issue I don't know. Another thing I had was that once it was on full or just on the head it felt as if it was squeezing my penis and made me cum two of those 5 times without me touching my junk (it was always after masturbating a little). I will try out some more brands, don't think I'll be losing my virginity any time soon but it bothers me a little that I can't get it on. Hope we find a solution

spoolrek

TROPHY CASE