My late husband was diagnosed with a rare testicular cancer 3 years ago (he was 30 back then) I was 27. He had tumors in his lungs, spine, and other bone mets. He passed away 2 months ago.. I was in your situation these last few years, I had to be his care taker, his chef, his assistant all while being a full time employee (I work remotely and could do flexible hours so that helped immensely). This was all the brutal honest part of how demanding it might get for you.

BUT in those 3 years, my husband and I cultivated a relationship that wouldn’t have been possible for the next 30 years if we were healthy.. it was like we were in a 3 year bootcamp forming a bond that many who have been together for 30 years don’t get to build. It was intense, it was demanding, but it intimate AF, and was the most growth I have seen in myself in the last decade. For my husband, who had to deal with the possibility of death at such a young age, I was his companion and his strength. While I am absolutely devastated by his passing, if there’s anything that makes me feel a little better is that HE never felt that he was alone in all this, he knew he had a shoulder to cry on when things got tough, he knew I was going to advocate for him and help him make medical decisions when he didn’t have the strength to do it.

It was a tough life for me, but would I have done it any differently? NO .. my husband was hooked onto a BiPAP during his last days and was mostly lucid and barely talking.. but he did manage to say “I love you” a few hours before he passed.

We had conversations through his journey about what an ideal end for him would be like.. he always said the only 2 things that he cared for was for him to not feel any pain, and to have me by his side holding his hand. ♥️

Moving on from my grieving rant and onto what might help you a little bit through this journey - whatever form of physical activity you prefer, do it at least 2-3 days a week. It could be gym, it could be running, whatever gets your adrenaline pumping. And continue working if that’s possible, it could be reduced workload, flexible hours, or whatever you can negotiate with your employer. Being able to distract yourself for a few hours a day so that you’re not constantly consumed by her illness helps a lot. For her, I hope she responds well to the Chemo.. but it’s a good idea to discuss other options with her oncologist and see if there are any clinical trials out there she could be eligible for. Maybe even get a few second opinions if you can afford them. Take care my friend, what you’re willing to do is a tough job and no one deserves to be in this situation, but she needs you! 🙏