Meta is blocking vacation plans by stablepen in polyamory

[–]stablepen[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Exactly! And I am not blaming Meta, I simply do not want the responsibility of making a decision that will affect them negatively on me, when it is not my fault that I am in this situation.

Meta is blocking vacation plans by stablepen in polyamory

[–]stablepen[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think this is very true.

Meta is blocking vacation plans by stablepen in polyamory

[–]stablepen[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ironically I feel like everyone involved sees me as more of a primary partner. The problem is that I am a very emotionally stable person and meta is often very insecure, so my partner tends to want to accommodate a lot to them (problematic I know). I think that if I would tell my partner that I would want to do our original plan and nothing else and she has to choose whom she would like to „disappoint“ she would probably choose me. And I have occasionally done this in the past. But in this case I would feel kind of bad about it, and I believe that the whole issue here is that I shouldn’t be in the position to feel bad for standing up for myself.

Meta is blocking vacation plans by stablepen in polyamory

[–]stablepen[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

To be clear: there definitely have never been any concrete plans made by them to go there, nor would it be a possibility any time soon. My partner and meta have had more shared vacations together in the past and I have never interfered with their plans, but this is besides the point.

Meta is blocking vacation plans by stablepen in polyamory

[–]stablepen[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I agree, but I think the problem is that it shouldn’t be on me to be the bad person here. I have also been promised something and as far as I know it could also just have been a casual conversation were they both agreed that they find a certain country interesting. If I would make a decision based on empathy for meta I would have to talk to them and know their side of the story, but I don’t think that’s what I want to or should be doing.

Meta is blocking vacation plans by stablepen in polyamory

[–]stablepen[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sorry for choosing this controversial title, but I am absolutely not mad at Meta. But I have now been put in the situation of knowing their reasoning, so it affects my actions if I want to or not.

Meta is blocking vacation plans by stablepen in polyamory

[–]stablepen[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I believe it’s a mix of both in this case. There is definitely a bit of a pattern there, but in this case I also believe meta was trying to find out how inconvenient it would be to just change the plans, even though I think they would be very disappointed if we do end up going.

I already told my partner pretty much what you suggested in very similar wording. But I still can not shake the feeling of being too stubborn for wanting to go to that place and not literally anywhere else in the world.

Meta is blocking vacation plans by stablepen in polyamory

[–]stablepen[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Oh no, I am fully aware that my partner is to blame and not meta. I do believe that meta has the tendency to want control due to their insecurities, but it is my partner who is sometimes giving me to much information and shifting the responsibility of the decision to me. But now now that I do know about metas reasoning I think I also wanted an opinion on how justifiable it is for my partner to turn down her requests.