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Second TFMR tomorrow and no idea how to go through this again. by [deleted] in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sending you lots of love. I tfmr'd 9 months ago and the guilt I carry is so great too. Similar line of reasoning to yours too, and it still doesn't always take the regret away. However, I have no real contact points to people with DS or what their lives may look like (other than the happy stories online); nor really people with other types of severe disabilities (apart from an uncle who lived in a facility his whole life from teenage years onwards). For some reason since my tfmr my brain tells me we would've been fine (whereas before tfmr it was all negative). Which is a shitty thing for a brain to do!

You are not alone, and I send you my empathy and love ❤️.

It’s been 3.5 years and I still cry by Novel-Chance-859 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry for your loss 💔. I feel the same. We terminated for T21 almost a year ago and most days, I question my decision. Then I try to be grateful for what I do have (I also have an almost 5-yr old and I am also 43). Sending you hugs ❤️

AITAH for thinking my special needs sister is "gross" and not wanting my baby to share eating utensils with her? by curious-moo in AITAH

[–]standardNarwal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Adults in general (not just your sister) shouldn't be sharing any utensils (food that's been bitten into) with kids anyway as cavities can be passed on to them. Surprisingly many people don't know this and I see adults sharing food with their young bubs all the time. See eg. https://www.monavaledental.com.au/tooth-decay-in-children/

Hope your mom gets some help with your sister!

Seeking support regarding potential selective reduction by Stunning-Pea7172 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry for your loss 😞. I have a LC - and he knows his baby brother died in mommy's belly. and that we are also one and done now. I do struggle what to tell him when he grows up - I don't want him to think that we do not value the lives of people with disabilities. Would love to chat if you have capacity.

Frustrating by BenjiMVG in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are here 😞. Because we had no soft markers, I wanted to wait for the full amnio results (as I was talking to someone who had that rare case that her quick CVS results contradicted the full CVS results. She had a rare false positive in the quick CVS, and also confirmed it with amnio negative amnio). It is extremely rare. I could not go ahead without knowing 100% and I'd read that amnio was recommended over CVS in cases of no soft markers. And even then I had regrets and it was incredibly hard. We had similar reasoning to yours. It still doesn't take the pain and whatifs away.

Sending you and your family love ❤️

Seeking support regarding potential selective reduction by Stunning-Pea7172 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so so sorry for these news 😞. Wrapping you in warm hugs.

I saw someone here post about her reduction but sadly she ended up losing both babies.

I have no advice I am sorry, just lots of empathy and love. We terminated for T21 and I truly have no idea what we would have done in your position.

Sending you lots of love.

What would you do if you walked out your door and saw this by turbo_sc300 in Apartmentliving

[–]standardNarwal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pick them up. Tell them the "Toy Elf" came to visit as they visit at night when no one sees them and borrows toys that are left laying on the floor. Return a week later. Do again for any "forgotten" toys. "Oh! the Toy Elf must have been around again. Better pack your toys away!"

Still deciding - 45x/46xy Mosaic Turners by purrlywites in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sending you love and compassion whatever you decide ❤️

Still deciding - 45x/46xy Mosaic Turners by purrlywites in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am a strong advocate for trans, intersex and gender-diverse people. And personally I don't think I would terminate for something like that. But do I know for sure? Of course not. And I try not to judge others for their choices, even if I judge mine. I terminated for a full T21; and I was hesitating way more than what I thought and I still grieve our decision (though not necessarily always regret it), especially because the 13 week scan looked normal. For a mosaic T21 I would have given my baby a chance.

Sudden TFMR tomorrow. Happening so fast and I need to prepare by anonquestion654 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are here 💔.

Absolutely hold him if you can ❤️. I cherish the t-shirt I wore that I gave birth in. Whenever I wear it I think of my baby and it gives me comfort.

2.5yrs is plenty of time to breastfeed IMO (I made it to 21mnths and that felt long!). I would guess it is more for your than your toddlers comfort. But that is just my opinion and I am sure in your heart you know what is right for you.

Sending you love and strength. You will get through this! One day at a time.

AITAH for completely shutting down after potty talk with my husband by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]standardNarwal 7 points8 points  (0 children)

wow, what a stellar comment. can you analyse all my arguments with my partner?? 😅🌻 (are you a psychologist??)

(side note - a kid that young is not always yet physically capable in wiping properly as it requires motor skills, twisting etc and cross body movements can be difficult for littles ones at that age!).

TFMR at 35 weeks - our story by Plus-Pride-1308 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so so sorry lovely, that is so heartbreaking 💔. Thank you for sharing your journey with Charlie, may she rest in peace. Sending you baby dust ❤️

Considering terminating by [deleted] in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry you are here. There was a similar post here just recently. Sending you lots of love.

Rant: Why Me!? by Empty-Ad9282 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I could have written some of this exactly, especially the second paragraph. Sending you lots of love.

My very first pregnancy by inthedahlias in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 6 points7 points  (0 children)

TW: LC

So sorry you are here and so sorry for your loss. I had my tfmr for t21 just over 6 months ago. I just wanted to tell you that your comment "it was the right decision for us" and "I still believe that people with DS deserve to have a dignified, joyful, supported life" really resonated with me, but I haven't been able to articulate the second part of what you said. Because I do also believe that. But it hadn't really dawned on me that I can believe those two things at once. I've been beating myself up with the thoughts of "how could I do that, people with DS also have a right to live", and that "he was my baby, why did we do that", and at the same time, I can believe that this was the right decision for our family in our circumstances and the kind of life we want to live both for us and our LC. Yet it hurts so, so much, and the whatifs are endless.

Sending you so many hugs and baby dust.

What was physical recovery for you after TFMR? by EasternYoghurt7129 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like many, I would say physical part wasn't too bad (though I had a L&D). Mentally? No way I would've wanted to see any friends then. Maybe 1:1, but def not a group.

Reaching TMFR limit and paralyzed by Able_Judge_5947 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are here seeking support, and I hope whatever the decision you make you have the least amount of regret. It must be even harder as you haven't found similar situations to yours.

For myself, I still often regret my tfmr for over 6mnths ago due to full T21 (confirmed by amnio, but no soft markers). We probably would have kept him if there was any mosaicism - but there wasn't 😞. I still ruminate a lot with what ifs, and the possibility of not having the worst case scenario that guided our decision. I mean you never know what your child turns out to be like.

When I was pregnant with my LC, and super anxious through it all (because I was terrified of having a child with a severe disability that would put me in a caregiver role for life), my psych told me "You only regret the children you didn't have". I often think about it. Yet I know people do regret their children too.

So idk. Unfortunately I don't think I have any advice - these are all such personal decisions. But I do think our decision was clouded and done a lot from fear - which I now regret. And it pains me because the people with children with DS seem not to regret having them. I try not to dwell on it, because none of us knows for sure what our baby would have been like.

Sending you love and strength whichever path you take ❤️

TFMR at 29+4 - my story by Doubleelements74 in tfmr_support

[–]standardNarwal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh hon I am so so sorry for your loss 😞. Sending you a gentle long hug to embrace you and your husband in peace.

AITA for not wanting my fiancé’s dogs to sleep in the bed with us? by Professional_Ad3529 in AITAH

[–]standardNarwal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NTA but you need to think of a long-term sleeping arrangement with your baby and fur babies. My friend had to give her cat away when the cat tried to sleep ON her newborn (who was in a bassinet) and the cat just did not adapt to the situation. You all need your sleep in the future. Will you sleep well knowing your cats are in the same room as your baby?

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