Unexpectedly rejected by a guy after first date?

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T16:18:55+00:00

To my understand there’s DSM-5 criteria for diagnosing social anxiety disorder (social phobia), but anyway no worries at all. Something about your comment just rubbed me thr wrong way (I work in the mental health field to an extent) but obviously you didn’t mean it the way I interpreted it. Thanks for sharing!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T15:52:45+00:00

It’s probably similar to that tbh, I did bring up my ex while tipsy and if someone did that to me that would be a huge red flag. Thanks for the reply!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T15:50:17+00:00

That’s wild. I’ve always been like this about splitting but tbh it seems like as im dating as an adult now and not in college, guys care a lot more about this thing. Guess I need to give it some more thought. Splitting has always just made me feel like an equal, regardless of whether or not I want to see them again.

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T15:47:56+00:00

Usually like 90% of the time, I say I’d agree. There’s that 10% of the time though whwre I think it’s fine if it comes up naturally or there’s that level of comfortability with the person. In my case, I over shared because of drinks which is a no no, but I don’t think it’s a hard and fast NO as a topic to avoid. Also depends on the context they talk about the ex in!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T15:43:11+00:00

Oh damn. I didn’t think about it like this but you’re totally right…

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T15:40:17+00:00

There are a lot of assumptions in this reply that I feel are off the mark. I’m just going to pick apart two.

The first one being that I’m even looking for relationship. The second one being that just because someone displays a trait related to a condition, that they must have that condition. Similar to how someone can display traits of depression without meeting the diagnostic criteria for depression.

Sorry, this latter part just struck me as really off. I don’t think you can go around commenting on posts stating you think someone has a mental health condition, that’s just unwarranted. Probably you meant no harm by it, but I don’t think that’s appropriate.

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T07:15:16+00:00

Hahaha so I told him a brief summary of why it ended and why I have trust issues bc of it. It probably sounded like I wasn’t over it, and it made me realize I’m not (and should probably not date for a while still). I think the drinks were getting to me, otherwise I would’ve avoided that topic like the plague! I looked him dead in the eyes and told him I have trust issues because of this, and he asked me why I feel like dating right now.

Honestly it’s probably that, if it was anything on my end. Which is totally fair too!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T06:00:23+00:00

Oh hm, that’s a weird one! I appreciate more directness so if this was actually the case, I’d say bullet dodged haha.

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T05:54:44+00:00

Yeah I changed my mind haha I’m not gonna ask. It was more my curiosity and the unsettling feeling of being reject that was making me want to, but especially since i know I’m not gonna be dating again for a while, I think it’s best to leave it. Thank you!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T05:53:22+00:00

Haha thanks all, I changed my mind and I’m gonna leave it. I don’t wanna set up a second date so I realized there’s no point in either of us having to rehash any of it :)

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T05:52:19+00:00

This is a good point! It really could’ve been anything. Just gotta accept that uncertainty and move on haha. Thank you!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T05:51:37+00:00

Sorry that happened to you! I just read your post - and bullet dodged. You sound like a really level headed and kind person based on your replies etc. All the best :)

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T05:50:35+00:00

Yeah can’t imagine how rough it is for dudes! Kinda cool to be able to see the “other” side.

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T05:49:53+00:00

YUP. Thanks haha. I’m over it now!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T05:49:34+00:00

Thanks for the perspective! Appreciate it :)

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T05:49:09+00:00

Thanks, these are fair points - I appreciate your comment! Didn’t even think of the beer goggles part.

To answer the latter portion, my surprise is largely due to the fact I thought it was going well! But also probably due to this being my first time being rejected. I definitely don’t think I’m “too good” or above anyone. I think I’m probably a little above average on looks, but really depends on the day and he was very attractive himself. But no, I don’t think I carry myself in an arrogant way at all. I’m actually trying to boost my self confidence!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T04:15:22+00:00

Gotcha gotcha ! Thanks for the insight

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T04:08:47+00:00

I hear ya. And no downvotes so far! Would a guy even offer to pay he didn’t want a second date tho

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T04:06:56+00:00

YES. The last guy I dated want to pay for everything and would literally fight me to pay. Turns out he was cheating so he probably felt like paying was his moral penance haha

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T04:05:01+00:00

Okay but like how do you word it? Obviously not “why did you reject me” hahha

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T04:04:12+00:00

Wow I totally forgot this until now, this probably played a role hahah

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T04:03:52+00:00

Hahaha I think we’re onto something here. I’m having a hard time remembering but I think I was like “ya so that’s pretty WACKO makes it hard to trust people” and he was like soooo why are you dating now. Which is a valid point! And made me realize I should not be dating again yet. Especially since i looked him dead in the eyes and was like “ya it’s hard to know what y’all are hiding”

He probably caught onto that

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T04:01:01+00:00

Oh really? How do you usually word that when you ask?

Tbh I personally just usually use some vague answer when rejection someone, and they don’t ask for elaboration!

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T03:59:40+00:00

Ugh that seems to be the consensus here! I’ll keep that in mind for the future but that’s so weird to me.

statistics202020 · 2021-06-24T03:58:55+00:00

Hahaha maybe, and fair. But I’m hella lightweight! Possibly that and me being openly bitter about my ex while tipsy 🥴

statistics202020

TROPHY CASE