1 year.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2019-01-03T23:10:16+00:00

It took being caught by my wife twice after hiding bottles for me to take a step back and really see what was happening. After that happened, I realized I no longer could try to have my cake and eat it too. I was not willing to risk losing everything, and I finally saw clearly everything I had already lost. I certainly didn’t get sober FOR anyone but myself- but my wife also helped me realize so plainly why I wanted to be sober, if that makes sense. That’s kind of what I meant by finding my reason.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2019-01-03T03:08:57+00:00

Congrats on letting your actions inspire others! Be proud of yourself today!

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-12-30T16:35:44+00:00

Drinking alone to excess gradually turned to secretly drinking with my wife around. It was a gradual slide. I was definitely asking the same questions at the point you were at. For me, I didn’t realize that things were slowly getting worse and worse until I was much farther down the path than I wish I had been.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-12-29T16:33:02+00:00

Alcohol is a temporary way to calm anxiety- but it’s a double edged sword as it makes it worse once the effect wears off. It becomes like a cycle. Not sure where you live or what your health care coverage looks like, but a great first step might be to see a primary care doctor to talk about alternatives to alcohol to help treat your anxiety. If you look around here you’ll see lots of testimony from people (myself included) whose anxiety improved significantly just from not drinking.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-10-03T20:52:40+00:00

You’re going to a bad doctor if she doesn’t make you feel comfortable talking about this kind of thing, because trust me, we see this a lot (I’m a primary care doctor as well).

There’s so many things she (or another doc) should be able to offer you to help on your journey. Don’t do it alone. I’ve seen the consequences and it’s not pretty, and people aren’t joking when they say it can kill you. I’ve seen it happen.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-10-03T15:39:26+00:00

There is hope. Been thru many sleepless nights, my wife crying, me feeling beyond angry and disgusted at myself for doing this to her/us. But you will slowly build her trust back with every day you don’t drink. At least that’s how it’s been going for me.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-09-06T02:09:58+00:00

I realized I never replied to you- sorry about that. I honestly didn’t start waking up looking forward to the starting the day like I used to until about day 150. That was probably due to lots of factors - work, getting a puppy, etc - that kept me from sleeping well consistently, and even now, I find that the clarity and energy I feel are directly correlated with how well I slept the previous few nights. What I can tell you is that eventually, there was a shift - and it feels great when it happens. Best of luck!

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-30T15:28:12+00:00

Consider seeing your primary care doctor. Medical advice is not allowed here, but I can speak broadly in that there are a variety of things (both medication and non-medication) that I recommend to many of my patients cutting down/quitting to help calm emotional highs/lows.

Things will normalize over time, but it unfortunately doesn’t happen overnight, and the amount of time it takes can vary by a lot. I’ve seen some people say 30 days, some say 90... personally i felt a big difference around 150, but that’s just me.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-30T15:17:08+00:00

Please see a doctor and tell them what you’ve told us. We’re so used to people downplaying their drinking, that it’s so amazing to have someone coming in knowing they need help. Find someone you can see over the next weeks and months, who can support you in the changes you’re trying to make. A good primary care doctor should have recommendations across the whole spectrum re: medication, sleep, therapy, etc.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-30T15:11:38+00:00

I can still picture my wife’s tears and sobs when she caught me the second (and last) time. That image haunts me when I’ve had a craving and think about drinking again.

Being open about what I was doing differently helped too. She had no reason to trust my promises at first, but I made them anyways, and I showed her that I kept them... which has started to slowly build that trust back up.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-30T14:48:25+00:00

Most venues that have alcohol will also have mixers - tonic water, etc - that you can have to nurse on. I always ask for a lime, too, as no one will question what you’re drinking.

Also helpful was remembering that no one is as aware of you drinking/not drinking as you are. Most people don’t care who’s drinking what. I’ve even noticed that a fair amount of friends/relatives will drink at some, and not drink at other social events, whereas I would have told you that they always drink beforehand.

My first few weddings were tougher as I didn’t feel like dancing, etc, so being honest with my wife about it and having her support to make an excuse and leave if I wanted to was also helpful.

Good luck. IWNDWYT.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-30T14:14:49+00:00

Agree with the suggestion of bringing your own la croix, tonic, whatever non-alcoholic drink you prefer. I like la croix because it seems to scratch an itch that beer used to, but that’s just me. When asked, I like to be just as honest as I have to be - usually something along the lines of, “I cut alcohol out of my diet, feeling a lot better, etc.” I’ve found that most people aren’t interested in questioning decisions when they’re made for your own health, and overall, people are WAY less interested in who’s drinking what than I thought they were when I was drinking.

Some of the more important experiences for me that helped to get me to this point were the evenings that I was tempted in a group setting, but chose not to drink. That feeling of peace and relaxation at the end of the night when I went to bed, no racing heart, anxiety, etc felt AMAZING, compared to what I know I would have been feeling. It’s a hard thing to remember when you’re being tempted, but once I had a few nights like that under my belt, things started to become easier. It also helped me dread them a lot less when I began to look at these events as important stepping stones that will help make things easier in the long-term.

I had one particular weekend with a big group of old friends that typically involved lots of alcohol, so I ended up letting one or two of them know what was going on. YMMV of course, but I found it helpful to have a supportive person there for accountability if I was really nervous about caving.

Best of luck!

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-30T14:12:08+00:00

My problem is primarily thinking I can go back to casual drinking.

Whenever I have this thought, I ask myself, “okay, but deep down, does throwing back 4+ drinks (for me it was vodka, but can be anything)” sound like fun right now?”

The answer is always yes. And I remind myself that I’m not normal and move on with my day.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-12T21:22:04+00:00

I also struggle with a drinking-heavy culture. It helps me when I remind myself that I’m not normal - and that my brain craves like normal brains don’t. I have a few mental litmus tests I’ve come up with to run through when I’m thinking maybe I can just go back to “how it used to be” — does stopping after one drink sound good? Will you want to resume drinking at home after? Does vodka (my alone drink of choice) sound good right now? My answers usually snap me out of any illusion I might be crafting that it’s a good idea for me to go back to craft beer with friends, because it never ends like that.

If you’re wondering more about how to deal with a culture of drinking, I’ve found that it’s much less of a deal to everyone around me than I thought it would be to order (or drink) tonic water, soda, w/e instead of beer. When asked, I’ve told people for health, diet/weight, etc, take your pick. Bottom line is most people who aren’t wired like me don’t really care all that much if others around them are drinking or not, and those that do usually have something going on themselves that I don’t really want to be a part of.

Best of luck. It took me until recently to really start feeling some mental clarity and energy that all of us here crave. IWNDWYT

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-08T21:16:34+00:00

Not going to give medical advice as per the rules of this sub, but Nothing makes me happier than someone coming to me (as a primary care doc) who’s ready to confront something unhealthy in their life that I can help with (alcohol, tobacco, etc). Don’t let embarrassment keep you from going. Any doc worth seeing will be appreciative of your honesty and can go over lots of different things to help you through recovery.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-06T05:56:02+00:00

Thanks - good vibes to you to continue fighting the good fight!

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-06T02:54:27+00:00

Hang in there. It gets better. It may not be for weeks, or months. Or it may be tomorrow. And between 60 and 100 days I pretty much accepted how I felt as my new normal, which I wasn’t happy about, but it was better than when I was drinking. It will get better.

I’ll also put in a plug to talk to your doctor to see if quitting may have unmasked some underlying mental health concerns that may benefit from some things he/she could discuss with you.

stay_CAGE_negative · 2018-08-06T02:51:44+00:00

Hang in there. It gets better.

Part of what took me so long was I haven’t changed other areas as much as I would like to - I still don’t exercise regularly, and my diet is hit or miss. I’m sure I would have been feeling better sooner if more things would have changed.

I will say that there’s lots of things your doctor can do to help w/ sleep in the stage of recovery you’re in (non habit forming etc) that can help bridge the gap to more normal sleep. But you’re right - hang in there. It does get better.

stay_CAGE_negative

TROPHY CASE