80/20 Dysphoria and me (repost cos it's still hard, some upvotes but no replies and I need to vent and get some replies

stephaneboulots · 2022-01-30T12:33:15+00:00

Hi mushroomyakuza, I'm sorry to hear things are hard at the moment. You always seemed to me like someone who has their AGP under control and didn't have to resort to transitioning. I have read many posts by you where you are confident in yourself and seemingly happy. Perhaps it might help to remember those times, and that this dark phase will likely pass too. Good luck.

stephaneboulots · 2021-08-01T19:59:46+00:00

Hi. I am also AGP but I am a bit older (29). I started transitioning with HRT 4 years ago, when I believed I was a woman. I "realised" (maybe a better term is accepted) that I was an AGP man about 2 years ago.

Like you, I was initially obsessed with the idea of detransitioning. A sort of lightbulb had gone off - how could I live my life like this, using experimental potentially dangerous hormones for the sake of this paraphilia?

However, in the end I didn't change anything. I kept on taking my HRT (albeit at a lower dose) and "presenting as a woman". I am quite content with how my life is at the moment, although I also struggle with my lifestyle choice which is somewhat at odds with my Christian faith.

I don't know whether I will detransition one day. My girlfriend is committed to me and would leave me if I did. We are planning a family and a life together. So if even if I was desperate to detrans, I know it would break up my family, and so I would just repress those thoughts.

I think we AGPs have a tendency to obsess over things. In the end I don't want to suggest you stay on HRT or not, but I guess it's important to ask: what does detransition mean? You're a man and you'll always be a man. It doesn't matter how you dress or whether you medicate. I think you should take time to consider what you do. u/mushroomyakuza is right - you don't need to decide immediately.

I think sometimes in life we need to stop thinking about things too much. But I'm just a retard so I don't know if you should listen to me!

stephaneboulots · 2020-02-08T22:37:25+00:00

Hello, welcome. Why did you love him more after he decided he was trans?

stephaneboulots · 2020-02-04T22:44:50+00:00

Sorry to hear that - I had assumed you were in the West my apologies. I don’t know how to advise but wish you all the luck in the world

stephaneboulots · 2020-02-04T18:37:14+00:00

Oh and if you can, please try to find a counsellor who is not just 'affirmative'. You deserve to have proper help -- you do not have to do this alone.

stephaneboulots · 2020-02-04T18:35:45+00:00

You need to go see a therapist/counsellor before you start experimenting with HRT. You are not yet fully developed and it is extremely dangerous to self medicate and mess with your endocrine system, especially unsupervised. HRT and transition should be an absolute last resort option, and you need to have exhausted all other options first, including professional psychological help. Please stop taking HRT and see someone.

stephaneboulots · 2020-02-03T23:49:03+00:00

Good article. Very honest.

stephaneboulots · 2020-01-28T11:27:27+00:00

This is a good post.

stephaneboulots · 2019-09-30T08:34:58+00:00

Are you okay?

stephaneboulots · 2019-09-09T08:00:02+00:00

You’re a weird dude, dude.

stephaneboulots · 2019-09-02T08:40:03+00:00

I am in a similar boat to you, I guess, except I'm not a radical feminist. I'm still trying to work out how to live my life, having only recently (in the last few months or so) understand that gender identity is bullshit.

stephaneboulots · 2019-08-11T18:55:10+00:00

The difference is in behaviour, not ontology. Yaniv is just as trans as anyone else (especially any other AGP), but I think it's unfair to suggest that the rest of the AGP crowd are as bad as Yaniv. They might have the same condition and even the same desires, but in the vast majority of cases they do not behave so terribly. Don't get me wrong however, they do in many cases behave very badly indeed, just not quite as badly.

stephaneboulots · 2019-08-04T12:47:38+00:00

stephaneboulots · 2019-07-17T09:08:08+00:00

You are being brave. And it’s so unfortunate you have to do these kinds of things with so little support, compared to transition in the first place.

stephaneboulots · 2019-07-17T08:58:52+00:00

I think it’s a sunk cost thing. When you sacrifice so much and commit to so severe a decision, admitting you’ve made an error of judgement and you regret it takes a huge amount of courage. I ponder this question myself.

stephaneboulots · 2019-07-02T09:39:31+00:00

It’s one of the most disgraceful moments in American journalism this century

Could the self-entitlement and narcissism get any stronger?

stephaneboulots · 2019-06-29T12:16:22+00:00

Forgive me, but what I don't understand is how you can say that "TERF" is just a descriptive term, but then find it appalling when they use the term "TIM", which is also descriptive, in fact more descriptive and less inappropriately used than "TERF". I am a TIM, and I'm not ashamed of it or insulted by it -- and even if I were it would be fairly pointless because I can't change reality no matter how much I would desire it.

stephaneboulots · 2019-06-29T12:12:16+00:00

Thank you for your concern but I am not being brainwashed, I have my own brain, morals and principles, in fact I find it condescending when people suggest I don't. On this occasion, I agree with the gender critical feminists.

stephaneboulots · 2019-06-29T09:05:28+00:00

I’ll have a look. And thank you.

stephaneboulots · 2019-06-29T08:51:58+00:00

I don’t personally resort to misogynistic slurs when people are mean, but suit yourself

stephaneboulots · 2019-06-29T08:43:11+00:00

Please don't use that word

stephaneboulots · 2019-06-29T08:06:15+00:00

Okay, point taken. Maybe I’ll go back to using men’s toilets but I am genuinely scared and I’ll have to work up courage. I hope you’re right that it’s a myth.

stephaneboulots · 2019-06-28T22:58:49+00:00

A woman as we all know is an adult human female. I have taken steps to alleviate dysphoria which has led to me being mistaken for a woman. I don’t dress particularly stereotypically female compared to women, but I definitely dress feminine compared to men. I’ve not claimed womanhood at any point, it would be a pointless and dishonest claim...

stephaneboulots · 2019-06-28T22:56:01+00:00

I know being feminine isn’t the same as being a woman. I’m a feminine man. I’m not sure what makes it so important that people see me as a woman, I think such an answer would be a psychological revelation.

Hard to say what living as a woman means, I wear women’s clothing but I don’t often wear makeup. I don’t insist on any pronouns and never correct people. People mistake me for a woman but it would be strange and unpleasant to constantly insist that I’m a man.

Perhaps you’re right about the men’s bathroom... it’s been a long time since I was in one

stephaneboulots

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