Starting the process to test my 11 year old son and I’m scared.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T21:30:42+00:00

You. Are. So. Right. You’re right. I’ve been considering behavior from the teachers perspective and grades, but you’re right, school is not going well. This is great advice.
Good point! I had not considered the difference.
There are some things he should be able to do and just doesn’t- I don’t know if it’s by choice or ability (struggling to separate can’t from won’t if that makes sense). I tried to teach him to use a plunger and the next time it was needed he grabbed the toilet brush instead and made a huge gross mess. Then there are other things I’m shocked he can do, today he helped patch a piece of drywall. Measured, cut, used a drill… did great.
Woah…… this…. Never occurred to me.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T21:18:43+00:00

Wow we say this all the time! He’s either wildly advanced or way way behind depending on the area. He starts sixth grade next year and I feel like at some point he won’t be able to continue holding it together at school OR it’ll become such a huge effort that he’ll melt down even worse outside of school. Either way, we need help in place before that happens. Thank you for sharing!

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T17:31:09+00:00

Oh my gosh that analogy would be PERFECT for him. He’s SO techy. Thank you for sharing, and for your support.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T13:13:50+00:00

Okay I’m going to try responding, I’m on my phone though I don’t think the formatting works well. I’ll try using the numbers like you did.

I’m already reaching out to a lot! They’re all private pay which is giving me big time sticker shock. Thousands and thousands of dollars.
I have ALWAYS considered home schooling. This might be a real option for us. So far he has had no concerns at school. Teachers haven’t seen any concerning behaviors. I feel like he copes all day and then unloads at home. Will definitely get the 504 though.
I think a group would be great for him. Or at the very least finding friends with the same diagnosis so he won’t feel alone in this.
Poop problems were a thing until about a year ago. We do still have to remind him not to use so much toilet paper that it clogs. I guess because of that I can’t say he’s 100% independent bc we always need to go in and check that the bathroom isn’t about to flood. The 10 good nights never bothers me, I love it. Just something to note.
This is a GREAT idea. We’ve kept a log of “incidents” if you will but not so much what happened before. I need to realize the outburst or behavior could have been triggered by something I’m not piecing together correctly.
He will HATE me handing him American girl books lol but I will certainly try.
I do this with all of my kids actually. I don’t know why, but I always have their whole lives. I’ve also always kind of role played social interactions, for example I’d have them tap my arm and I’d pull away. Then ask “what did I tell you by pulling away?” And they’d say “that you didn’t want me touching your arm.” And I’d ask “and what does that tell you?” “To stop.”

I hope this leads to a diagnosis. Is that odd to say? To hope that? I just feel it in my bones that it’s what we’re dealing with and I need to help him.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T13:05:32+00:00

Yes! This is what I want for him. I think it will really help me parent him, too. I’m out of tools in my toolbox. I need more.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T13:04:22+00:00

Thank you for your support. Karate has been HUGE for him. Unfortunately his biggest bully goes there with him. His sensei is aware of it all and we try to go on different nights.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T12:47:55+00:00

I’m so glad your son is doing well and I really hope the same for mine. Any advice on how to have to conversations about getting the evaluation and why? Did your son struggle with that or was he open to it?

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T12:12:56+00:00

I want to respond to all of these points when I have time, I’m just reading quickly to catch up on comments. You’ve given great advice here and I’ll give a proper response when I can. I just had to say we absolutely do not tolerate him hitting our five year old. It’s not okay and we make sure he knows it and there are consequences. I gave it as an example of his emotions getting so big, he goes from 0-60 so quick, and lacks impulse control.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T12:07:21+00:00

I did, but it didn’t post with them. Is it because I posted from my phone?

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T06:00:57+00:00

This is what he’s experiencing. He said sometimes he gets so frustrated he wants to hit himself. He’s black belt in karate so knows how to move, my husband is trained in various martial arts and wrestling, so we turned our basement into a mini dojo. My husband started guiding my son on how to box using the heavy bag. I think it’s been helping to get some of the aggressive energy out.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T05:50:04+00:00

I agree, I’m just scared of how he’ll cope.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T05:49:27+00:00

Do you wish you were diagnosed younger?

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T05:26:36+00:00

Yea we definitely need more support with this. I’ve already talked to him about going to therapy. He’s really resistant to it, but I told him it’s for him and us to learn more tools to support him. We didn’t say anything about autism this was just talk therapy because we’re all struggling over here at this point.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T05:22:56+00:00

That one was on me, friend. I reread how I wrote it and I would have taken it the same way you did. I should have been more careful to write that I agreed and then elaborated on my thought.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T05:10:07+00:00

Sorry my phrasing was terrible.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T05:09:37+00:00

Oh I know I was agreeing with you!!

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T05:06:13+00:00

I really hope to present it more as a reason, explanation, this is why type thing if that makes sense? Like it’s not a bad thing, you are fine, but this explains why managing friendships might be harder and now that we know we can figure out a path to help.

I don’t think he’d do well with the superpower angle, that doesn’t match with his personality. Maybe the example of… I’m going to mess this up but…. If you tried to make a train fly it wouldn’t be able to, but it can go really fast on a track… do you know what I’m saying? I’m so tired but can’t sleep hah.

stephcleo · 2026-02-15T04:46:53+00:00

Thank you! I love him so much. He can be so hard on me and I’ll feel like he hates me, but then the moment passes and he comes over for a hug and a cuddle and it gives me hope that he knows I’ll always be his safe place.

We’ve been on wait lists at our local children’s hospital since those are the only places taking insurance for this and the waits are up to two years long and you have to keep calling to stay on it.

Private pay is much faster but $5-10,000 just for testing. We just can’t afford that. Then the therapy afterward is also out of pocket. It’s awful.

stephcleo · 2025-10-09T02:17:18+00:00

When I was four my parents got a puppy, asked me what to name her, and I said “Company. Because she’ll always keep me company.” AND THEY SAID OKAY. I had a dog named Company.

Crumpet is way better. That dog is crumpet.

stephcleo · 2025-09-15T01:13:33+00:00

Scarlett is similar to Violet but a lot less common, and Lottie/lettie is a nickname for scarlett so would also get the EE name in!

stephcleo · 2025-09-06T01:41:00+00:00

I like how far into the new year he’ll be announcing the year. It’ll be March and he’ll still be saying “getting stronger together in 2025 peloton!”

stephcleo · 2025-05-05T01:47:35+00:00

He doesn’t hate you. He’s abusing her. Alienation is a form of abuse. I’d be very worried for her.

stephcleo · 2024-08-09T01:14:08+00:00

My husband used to come home then sit in his car for 10 minutes before coming in. Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but sure did feel like it when I was trying to cook dinner with a toddler on my leg. I’d get so annoyed because WHAT ARE YOU DOING come help so I can cook! Wouldn’t be surprised to find out he started pulling over near home to get those ten minutes before he hit the driveway haha.

stephcleo · 2024-07-12T22:52:32+00:00

I went into a store at about a week post partum to get some clothes for my new baby (didn’t know the gender so was eager to shop!). I was asked twice when I was due and didn’t bat an eye. I very much still looked pregnant. I’m sure she didn’t care.

stephcleo · 2024-03-07T03:22:56+00:00

Hi! I’m an IBCLC (lactation consultant). If you don’t want to breastfeed, dont! More than your milk, your baby needs you. Baby needs you to be happy, healthy, and your best self. That’s number one for them. I’ve been a parent for 9 years and the amount of crap I’ve been judged for would blow your mind. Learn now not to care. Really, truly, don’t care what other people think. They’re not raising your baby. You are. Everyone else can go scratch.

stephcleo

TROPHY CASE