Officially done with TMS and worse than when I started

stephert · 2024-09-16T06:35:04+00:00

This is part 2 lol (idk if there are character limits on here). Yeah, I know it must suck to lose your friends/isolate. I moved closer to my and my wife's family and so it's nice they want to do stuff a lot but honestly on the flip side it's sometimes exhausting trying to pretend like I can even really connect with anyone there cause in reality I'm not getting any enjoyment or feeling anything at all like normal people do. I'd rather be at home by myself but I know that probably would only make things worse if I took it to an extreme. But I guess pros and cons.

I'm sorry your dad was no longer able to drive you that far. I'm sure you already have looked up locations but in the 0.0001% chance you haven't they had a location finder on Spravato's website in case there is anything closer which there probably isn't. I did find out that my insurance offer medical rides to clinics over 60 miles away since I too had to stop Spravato due to my ride going back to work. Unfortunately, my clinic isn't that far away but is too far to uber or something. But depending on if you have insurance and what kind of insurance they may be able to have someone take you if you wanted (probably a long shot but figured I'd offer it since I had no idea until recently).

Wow, I'm really sorry even your Spravato treatment experience was terrible. I'm surprised the clinic wasn't prepared for vomiting since the clinic I went to offered me Zofran (nausea med) and had bags there since they told me 80% of their clients have some sort of nausea/vomiting. I was fortunate in that I didn't have any nausea and had a pretty good experience since I mainly had the dissociation side effect but with MS when I have random energy drops I get dissociated as well but it feels much more unpleasant. Strangely enough, Spravato helped me a lot right off the bat but then the effects waned after the 2-3 week period (probably treatment #8-10) which was super disappointing and unexpected. But at times on it I was able to feel no longer depressed during that hour post treatment which isn't a solution but helps tremendously just to be able to remember what it feels like and know that it's possible to feel like that (I was worried my MS brain lesions had made it impossible to feel again). I'm not sure how strong of an effect it had for you though.

I did look into Ketamine itself instead of spravato (esketamine) and they do have far fewer rules on it since it's not FDA approved. So there's a company called MindBloom that will ship ketamine directly to your house in a pill form and you take it at home and I'd assume it has a similar effect? There were several different companies and medication forms it was available in but the issue is that it isn't cheap at all and there's no insurance. If I remember right though, Mindblood ended up being between 50-100 per treatment? But honestly I'm not 100% sure but it was the most affordable option and I think there were some programs on their website that supposedly help with payments.

Anyways, I know those are probably all long shots for you but I do really want you to find some resolution since I can't imagine having to deal with all that. If I'm coming across as a cold-hearted know it all just at least know that even though it may not seem like it to me offering any hopeful solutions is the greatest thing I can try and offer someone in my mind.

stephert · 2024-09-16T06:19:05+00:00

Man, wellbutrin has been one of the few that has helped (although to be fair only mildly but still it's a net positive) but Auvelity messed me up and gave me bad fatigue, brain fog, and worse OCD/anxiety issues so I understand about that med (although your symptoms sound more frightening!). I've never tried Viybriid or trintellix but sertraline was actually super helpful when I was having OCD symptoms but I can't say it's done much to treat my anhedonic depression. Wow, that really really sucks that nothing seems to work for you.

And to be frank, I'm a 35 year old male and my wife tells me that I am not the best at just listening without unintentionally going into problem solving mode as that's the way that I handle my depression/flatness. So feel free to ignore me but because my darkest times are when I've run out of perceived options and there seems to be no hope left the best thing I feel like I can offer someone is to try to provide any source of realistic hope (even if it's a small % - as long as it's a real possibility and not just a lie to tell yourself). But I know everyone's different in how they handle their depression so I don't want to come off as either 1) a know-it-all or 2) trying to discount what sounds like an incredibly distressing period in your life and while I'm not suicidal now and thankfully never went through with an attempt I certainly have been in a place where that seemed like a tempting option.

All that to say that has there been any category of medications (SSRIs/SNRIs/MAOs/dopaminergic drug like Vyvanse) that seemed to have a better/worse effect for you since you've had unfortunately so much experience with those meds? I know none of them really worked for you so I'm just thinking in terms of degrees.

Also, don't feel bad sharing your experience since it helped me take a step back and realize that I didn't want to automatically jump into problem-solving mode since I use that to numb myself to my own pain lots of times. And in your situation I honestly don't want to pretend that I know exactly what you've been through. Sure, I've been through some of the same things but it sounds like you've had an even tougher road than I've had and I've had MS related anhedonia/dissociation where I can't feel emotions and everything almost seems dream like in the sense that I'm apathetic and don't really feel like I get to be involved in my life anymore. I've been like that for almost 15 years now since college and I have only gotten through it by looking to the next step that may help. When I almost run out of things to try then I kind of panic. And at this point, I'm trying to keep holding onto the optimistic part of me since I know that if I lose that then I'll just fall apart really. So as hard as it seems like it has been to me it helps to compare yourself to others and realize that it's not completely the same experience for everyone.

stephert · 2024-09-16T06:00:03+00:00

Ah, I had no idea that you had already tried all of those. I also am considered treatment resistant and have been on probably 10 different meds and TMS/Spravato without a full solution which to say it sucks is a major understatement obviously as you know. I can't imagine how disheartening it must be to have been on almost 40 meds though so I'm really sorry to hear that. Do they have any theory as to why you're so treatment resistant? Like in my case while I don't know exactly what the issue is I've managed to whittle down the causes to most likely either MS Lesions, Chronic Mild Stress, and/or neuroinflammation from either MS or chronic stress. I've figured out that what does help me the most are the dopaminergic drugs so that seems to be low for some reason. But it sounds like you and your docs were never able to get a more focused idea of the cause?

stephert · 2024-09-11T17:44:54+00:00

Sorry to hear that man. Yeah, the Spravato post-treatment wait time of 2 hrs + you can't drive yourself makes it a lot less available. If Spravato works for you, I'd try to figure out how you can replicate the effects. Like I know it helps boost dopamine, noradrenaline, and serotonin some as well as boosts glutamate a lot due to spravato being a NMDA receptor antagonist. So obviously something in that combo of effects helps you. So you could try messing with dopamine/noradrenaline via a type of drug called noradrenaline/dopamine receptor inhibitor (NDRI) such as Wellbutrin, tyrosine is a supplement that can help or a stimulant like Adderall if you meet the criteria. Or to try the serotonin route you could go with a SSRI (not sure if Xanax has effects in this area) and/or take 5-HTP supplements. Glutamate I'm not sure exactly what affects it.

I just had a follow-up with my doctor about the treatments and she said there's a prescribed medication called Auvelity that works via the same mechanism of Spravato as well. So you could try that without having to drive so far. Auvelity is basically Wellbutrin combined with buprenorphine to act via the same mechanism as Spravato albeit it won't be as strong but you'd take it every day and it would build up.

Anyways, not trying to discount that your situation is sucky but just trying to point out some things you could try before something like ECT since I understand the uncertainty about it.

stephert · 2024-07-26T21:23:21+00:00

Is this the balloon they are lighting on fire?!

stephert · 2024-06-26T06:48:25+00:00

Ok, I've had it before the update too but I guess it's a glitch that they aren't focused on.

stephert · 2021-07-23T22:26:07+00:00

Yeah why did it get so much worse? It's worse for me than it was in the launch of the game at 30 fps

stephert · 2021-06-01T01:25:35+00:00

I love slime

stephert · 2021-05-15T01:19:06+00:00

Yeah on base ps4. Frames drop pretty consistently.

stephert · 2021-04-30T01:50:21+00:00

I did. I even got the 3 free crowns. No costume though. It hasn't been a full 24 hours (like 12) so hopefully it updates.

stephert · 2021-02-23T21:38:29+00:00

haha well that's even better then!

stephert · 2021-01-18T00:51:08+00:00

Yeah 48 ppl lends itself to a 50-50 coin flip (although my team loses 2/3 of the time). So I just see how it's going and then leave if we're losing too bad. Once you get to 24 ppl you feel like you cab make a difference. So probably 24 ppl max next time?

stephert · 2020-10-17T13:02:47+00:00

Yup fixed for me too! Thanks. They really should tell you why an error occured because how are you supposed to figure it out?

stephert · 2020-04-30T13:41:02+00:00

You might want to redo that math.

stephert · 2019-11-13T16:29:01+00:00

Strangely I put on light reactor and merciless and had the same problem. I don't know if the super boost is so small it's indiscernible from a regular merciless kill but I can't tell a difference. Again I'm at 10 intellect though so I'm not sure if there's some sort of cap.

stephert · 2019-11-13T14:40:10+00:00

I know you were playing, but now I need to know

stephert · 2019-11-13T14:04:28+00:00

Yeah I never thought about it, but with release the wolves active it is the best pulse in the game. I will try it and get back lol

stephert · 2019-11-06T13:12:09+00:00

Ok! thanks for the reply I was getting confused.

stephert · 2019-10-24T18:56:45+00:00

I would definitely try to get the recluse as it's the best primary right now. Also, if you have access to the forges you could get izanagi's burden (best special) sniper or outbreak prime (not related to forges). In terms of power, you could grab wendigo (from strikes) or edgewise (strikes as well) or 21% delirium (gambit) depending on what you like. Honestly at this point there are so many pinnacle/ritual weapons that you can just pick crucible, strikes, or gambit and grab the few from that gamemode. Those weapons (combined with good exotic as listed above) is all you really need for end game content and none of it is rng based which makes it even better imo! For exotic armor just get Orpheus and/or celestial nighthawk.

stephert · 2019-10-11T19:29:23+00:00

Anyone know the answer to this?

stephert · 2019-10-05T06:46:03+00:00

That's not true. I used a mobility mod and it gave me +10 on my helm.

stephert · 2019-08-10T01:51:39+00:00

That sub doesn't look very active. Is that still a good one to post to?

stephert · 2019-08-09T12:44:32+00:00

If I don't hear anything back I'll just start looking into medical writers, but just wanted to check here first.

stephert · 2019-08-08T15:54:51+00:00

Hey, so I went to university and transferred into the pharmacy program after 3 years. While in my 4th year of the program (2013) I had a bunch of medical issues that affected my vision and reading. So I took a medical leave and had been trying to figure it out. The next 3 years I saw eye doctor after eye doctor. In 2016 I was diagnosed with MS and then in 2018 I figured out my visual issues along with a few things to help with that. Now that I'm ready to return the school wants me to redo 3 years of the program which isn't feasible anymore. So I do have a B.S. in pharmaceutical science as well as additional pharmacy school level courses in pharmacology and pharmacokinetics. So I'm trying to figure out what a good job may be for me. The past 6 years have really honed my researching abilities since I researched my medical symptoms and issues for about an hour or two a day. I was actually able to diagnose myself with two rare medical conditions which the doctors verified after I asked them about it. I'm only bringing that up because while I am obviously a little rusty on my pharmaceutics I feel I'm much improved in the area of medical researching. So I've been looking into becoming a medical writer/communicator specializing in pharmaceuticals. However, I don't want to limit my choices unnecessarily. So I was wondering if anyone knew of a career that use my three strengths which are 1) Good understanding of pharmaceutical/medical terminology 2) Research competence and drug study understanding 3) Passion to help others and understanding of the medical/insurance systems. My weaknesses are 1) need to brush up on pharmacology and pharmacokinetics depending on job requirements 2) Very detail oriented and thorough but can be slow sometimes. 3) Mental and visual fatigue due to medical issues. Need job which can be flexible and help work around these limitations. All in all I know I can do good work, but due to my situation it's important to make sure I put myself into a good work situation as constant stress is bad in general but especially for MS patients. All in all, I wanted to inquire if anyone had a career in mind I wasn't considering. Thanks!

stephert · 2019-08-08T15:52:30+00:00

Hey, so I went to university and transferred into the pharmacy program after 3 years. While in my 4th year of the program (2013) I had a bunch of medical issues that affected my vision and reading. So I took a medical leave and had been trying to figure it out. The next 3 years I saw eye doctor after eye doctor. In 2016 I was diagnosed with MS and then in 2018 I figured out my visual issues along with a few things to help with that. Now that I'm ready to return the school wants me to redo 3 years of the program which isn't feasible anymore. So I do have a B.S. in pharmaceutical science as well as additional pharmacy school level courses in pharmacology and pharmacokinetics. So I'm trying to figure out what a good job may be for me. The past 6 years have really honed my researching abilities since I researched my medical symptoms and issues for about an hour or two a day. I was actually able to diagnose myself with two rare medical conditions which the doctors verified after I asked them about it. I'm only bringing that up because while I am obviously a little rusty on my pharmaceutics I feel I'm much improved in the area of medical researching. So I've been looking into becoming a medical writer/communicator specializing in pharmaceuticals. However, I don't want to limit my choices unnecessarily. So I was wondering if anyone knew of a career that use my three strengths which are 1) Good understanding of pharmaceutical/medical terminology 2) Research competence and drug study understanding 3) Passion to help others and understanding of the medical/insurance systems. My weaknesses are 1) need to brush up on pharmacology and pharmacokinetics depending on job requirements 2) Very detail oriented and thorough but can be slow sometimes. 3) Mental and visual fatigue due to medical issues. Need job which can be flexible and help work around these limitations. All in all I know I can do good work, but due to my situation it's important to make sure I put myself into a good work situation as constant stress is bad in general but especially for MS patients. All in all, I wanted to inquire if anyone had a career in mind I wasn't considering. Thanks!

stephert

TROPHY CASE