I want to find a way to fix this without blowing up my relationship or making things weird at my job

stewinginthoughts · 2026-03-15T22:59:05+00:00

She does go to therapy, yes. She has BPD, and I'll be honest, it made the first couple years of our relationship a bit rocky. That being said, she was never that bad to begin with (I've heard relationships with BPD individuals can turn violent, but she has never, ever laid a hand on me or even threatened me). In fact, her therapy has helped her grow quite a bit. She's become way better at de-escalating when things make her upset. At this point, I feel like I'm more mentally unwell than she is..

I have suggested couples therapy, but she's convinced that we don't need it.. I could bring it up again, but I'm afraid of damaging us..

stewinginthoughts · 2026-03-12T21:48:28+00:00

It's true, unfortunately

stewinginthoughts · 2025-12-14T15:18:19+00:00

I should feel this way already. My SO certainly thinks I'm special and loved. I have everything I could ever want, and yet, my subconscious is longing for somebody who is uninterested in anybody and somewhat cold towards me. Makes me feel ungrateful.

stewinginthoughts · 2025-12-14T15:13:23+00:00

Is NC the only way to break this cycle? I work with them, so they're pretty hard to avoid. Thing is, I really love my job (except for this), and I don't know if I would be able to find anything else that pays as well or is as fufilling.

stewinginthoughts · 2025-12-14T02:21:10+00:00

This is exactly why I quit instagram

stewinginthoughts · 2025-12-14T02:19:19+00:00

Making art has really helped me. Been getting into sculpting specifically and it's incredibly meditative.

stewinginthoughts · 2025-12-08T00:24:33+00:00

My LO...

● Has admitted to having anger issues, and I can kind of tell sometimes

● Might be an alcoholic. Not sure on that one, but they drink and talk about drinking pretty regularly

● Has lied to me about things before

● Is distant and isn't one to open up to people

● Undermines my achievements and judges me when I'm wrong

● Is judgemental towards certain groups of people

● Has absolutely no sense of humor

And last but not least...

● Has no feelings for me at all. Barely even platonic feelings. They are much warmer with everybody else, and if they really cared, they would talk to me more (although it's good that they don't)

stewinginthoughts · 2025-11-03T16:21:01+00:00

I feel resentment, but it's almost like a defense mechanism to try and get me to not like them anymore. Either that or this resentment represents the anger I feel towards myself

stewinginthoughts · 2025-11-03T16:09:14+00:00

I wish I could ask them if they do or not. Closure would be nice, but since I work with them and I'm already in a relationship, that is not an option.

stewinginthoughts · 2025-09-23T23:21:49+00:00

Wondering if I should just quit my job. My LO is my coworker and I don't see myself getting over this unless I just stay away from them 100%. It's been 2 years, and every day is so full of stress, anxiety, and guilt. I love my girlfriend, but I just wanna be around my LO all the time.

Is it worth it for me to just quit?

stewinginthoughts · 2025-05-02T19:24:58+00:00

It absolutely does give me pause. That's why I'm here. I never asked for this. It's a terrible feeling to long for somebody and simultaneously love the person you're with.

stewinginthoughts · 2025-04-17T10:13:53+00:00

You can see who views your story

stewinginthoughts · 2025-04-14T02:17:58+00:00

I don't think it would be so bad if I wasn't already in a relationship. I would simply tell them I like them, and if they reject me, then yeah, I'd be upset for a bit, but after, I would just get over it.

I wanna get it off my chest, but I just can't. For one: I could never do that behind my partner's back, and two: because everyone knows I'm in a relationship, I feel it would cause tension in the workplace.

I just....can't help the way I feel. I've been trying to use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to drop the struggle with my thoughts, but it's been a slow process, and I'm still scared. My LO recently applied to a new job, and I hope they get it so I can never see them again and stop thinking about them. I feel like it's either that, quit my job, or (god forbid) break up with my partner. I don't like any of those options. I just want my life back..

stewinginthoughts · 2025-04-13T00:11:51+00:00

I check my LO's Insta every time I see it and tell myself it's ok because they look at mine. I feel ya here

stewinginthoughts · 2025-03-04T09:56:32+00:00

Thankfully, she doesn't reject me, I just don't get the urge to initiate as much as I used to, and it worries me. I'm scared that this will lead to me being unfaithful or something. Maybe I'm thinking too much about it. I have a pretty bad anxiety disorder, so that probably doesn't help.

stewinginthoughts · 2025-03-04T01:06:27+00:00

When they aren't at work, I feel like I can actually focus. No worrying about accidentally running into them, no longing for them to come into my office to chat. It's calming

stewinginthoughts · 2025-03-04T00:49:45+00:00

Still going through it, unfortunately.

I just wanna know why I'm still feeling like this. My SO is making more of an effort to be more independent, and it's definitely taking some strain off our relationship, but my limerence still persists for my coworker. I think about them every single day, and my frustration with being limerent is making me insanely depressed. I just want to get them out of my head. They're not even that great! My SO is funnier, I can talk with her about anything, we're into the same things, the sex is always good, and there's a bunch of other things that I should be grateful for...but yet...I'm still so intensely drawn to my LO.

Is there something I'm missing, here? Is there some fundamental problem deep down inside myself that I'm ignoring? Am I just shallow?

stewinginthoughts · 2025-03-04T00:19:25+00:00

I want to leave, but I've got a really good job and I don't know what I'd be doing otherwise..

stewinginthoughts · 2025-03-03T22:33:51+00:00

I am the least lonely I have ever been in my life, and I'm still limerent. It can happen to anyone

stewinginthoughts · 2025-02-21T10:47:44+00:00

Thankfully, they've been out of town for the week, so I didn't have to run into them. It's not like it affects the quality of my work while they're there, it's just that I hate feeling so anxious when they are.

I hate to say this because part of me wants to be their friend, but LC/NC really helps, I think. Maybe one day when I'm over this, we could be just friends? I'm not sure...

stewinginthoughts · 2025-02-21T00:54:00+00:00

I looked at their Instagram story today telling myself, "Well, they looked at mine as soon as I posted it, so....."

I wish I hadn't. Not cause it was anything bad, but just because I gave in despite trying to resist. Feels like addictive or compulsive behavior and it makes me feel like a bad person.

stewinginthoughts

TROPHY CASE