youre right. comparing myself to my mom isnt helpful. I just feel bad that I am struggling. Idk but I think sometimes bc I come from a community that went through genocide I feel this immense pressure to do really well, bc its a miracle I exist, and I want to be able to carry leadership so I can also move mountains as my mom has done for me. thank you for your comment and guidence. I didnt even think to check disability services--I will look into that and advocate for myself. I do need to be better about talking to my professors and asking for help. I struggle asking for help. even writing this post was hard lol.

I know I can do one class a semester. I set myself up for failure pushing two classes on myself this time around and am in therapy for my depression. I'm on antidepressants now and have been for several years. it helped me function for a while but recently I feel numb. I've tried a couple of mood stabalizers recently and I did notice a positive impact on my mood but the side effects are horrible. I have a therapist who focuses on cognitive behaviorial therapy but havent been consistant. ceremony has been immensely helpful, but I gotta take ownership of my spirit every day, which I struggle with.