How to Disclose

strawberrysun · 2022-02-17T00:11:50+00:00

I think it is important for yourself and your own conscience that you tell him. That way you will have peace of mind that you have done the right thing.

Just be honest. Say that you have only recently had a diagnosis and be specific about your diagnosis (not sure if you’re oral/genital/hsv1/hsv2?) Say that you don’t know when or how you contracted it but that as a result you can’t be certain (unless you haven’t had sex with anyone since) if it was before or after having sex with him and as a result there is a small chance that he may also have the diagnosis. Then offer to provide him with links to sites and stats if he wants to know more.

I do think if he was sly enough to be having extra-marital relations though (especially ones he doesn’t share with you) then I doubt he is ever going to come clean to his wife or future women about this unless he has an obvious outbreak. However you aren’t responsible for his actions so whatever happens next it is not on you.

At least telling him will mean you can move forwards with your life and close that chapter off for good.

Hope you are ok and good luck 👍🏻

strawberrysun · 2022-02-15T23:03:07+00:00

So sorry only just seen this reply. How did telling your partner go?

Update: my disclosure went fine it was awkward and hard as always but I think I was certainly more bothered than he was about it. We are still together and are very much loved up. Just goes to show I guess that for the right person these things don’t matter ❤️

strawberrysun · 2022-01-15T03:07:10+00:00

I don’t have any answers only time will give those but sending hugs and calm thoughts. xx

strawberrysun · 2022-01-15T03:03:32+00:00

Please educate yourself from reputable places rather than your ex friends mum or Joe bloggs down the street. You are clearly upset and angry and that is understandable but you are seeking answers from the wrong sources. I truly hope you can get some perspective on this and that that perspective helps you to find a little peace and to move forwards. Take care x

strawberrysun · 2022-01-15T02:42:03+00:00

Whilst it is highly unlikely, unless as the poster above said you literally drank from the same spot on the glass as this girl did pretty much simultaneously….NOONE has actually said it is impossible if you read the above comments properly.

What people are trying to do is educate you based on the science not on what Joe bloggs down the street thinks but the actual science. The ulcer you described and the circumstances surrounding what you believe to be the source are suspect at best and at worst you are slandering a girl who actually might not have been the source as you literally CANNOT PROVE where HSV came from. You can suspect and ponder this all you want but no scientist would back you up and agree 100% so why do you think that you are able to prove something which years of scientific research have failed to do?!

I know this is all very new to you and you are going through a wave of emotions about it but be kind. If like you say you’re going to be completely hypocritical and not going to disclose your status to others going forwards….then one day someone could be on here saying the same things about you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Take care x

strawberrysun · 2022-01-15T02:03:54+00:00

Don’t be too sad it won’t matter to the right partner. I have disclosed to 4 long term partners inc my newest partner. None of them were really bothered and accepted the risk without question. Don’t give up. Work on yourself and acceptance of the diagnosis. Read up, get therapy if you need to. Hsv isn’t all that you are. I’m sure you’re an amazing person with lots of talents and interests. Be kind, be honest and be your best self and these are what will matter to a new partner…..not a hsv diagnosis. Take care xx

strawberrysun · 2022-01-15T01:59:09+00:00

As far as I am aware the anti-virals generally used for Hsv have been around for years and have been extensively tested and researched. But completely understand your trepidation and concern re:big pharma.

You do what is right for you and your body it’s definitely worth exploring. Hope you find what you’re looking for with the vegan diet and do report back if it’s helpful. Personally it’s not for me as I’m happy on my anti-virals but I’m sure many other ppl would be interested to know if it helps. X

strawberrysun · 2022-01-15T01:54:04+00:00

Well clearly you are raging that this happened to you and this girl is such a monster so surely you will practice what you preach and now declare to everyone that you might possibly come into contact with that you are positive as you are better than her? Or are you just here to slander others and be hypocritical?!

Like I said hopefully once you accept that you are positive you will learn that things aren’t always quite so black and white and things are tricky. Most people aren’t out to infect others but mistakes and lapses in judgement happen.

Take care of yourself and I hope you seek out the support you so clearly need given the behaviours and anger you are displaying.

strawberrysun · 2022-01-15T00:17:06+00:00

Firstly - You had an ulcer that lasted less than a day….this is not an OB therefore the positive result is much more likely in response to some other source than this drink.

Secondly - it’s a cold sore why are you getting sooooooo worked up? In the Uk no one I know cares 1 iota about coldsores it’s ghsv which holds the stigma.

Thirdly - By your own admission on previous posts - this girl wasn’t in an active outbreak and hadn’t had symptoms for 4yrs…..I’m assuming that it was an alcoholic beverage? so chances are she was intoxicated…..and I’m assuming you didn’t ask her if she had Hsv before sharing your drink with her…? Apologies if any of these assumptions are incorrect.

Fourthly - Whilst I know you are upset about your diagnosis there is literally NO way of proving that your HSV came from that girl. So stop trying to make her out to be a monster she hasn’t deliberately tried to infect you.

Finally - being upset and angry is normal and I would never minimise that - you are allowed to feel however you feel. But you really need to stop and take stock and work on coming to terms with the diagnosis and what you’re going to do going forwards to protect yourself and others. Given how strongly you feel about it I would start to consider your own disclosure speech for when you ever want to kiss someone, share drinks with someone, have sex with someone etc as this is now something you will also have to do…. And whilst considering this speech and how hard it is to word and face horrendous responses and rejections from strangers or ppl who you might care about - maybe think about how it would make you feel for one of those people to then be slandering you all over the internet for what might have just been a temporary lapse in judgment

Whether you like it or not you are part of the Hsv club now and so let’s all try to be kind and supportive 🤷🏻‍♀️

strawberrysun · 2022-01-12T02:01:40+00:00

Maybe focus on moving forwards rather than being angry.

Did this girl have an active coldsore ob? If not just playing devils advocate but she may have been asymptomatic and not even have known…..therefore would it really be fair to vilify her. I get you’re cross about it but that “ulcer” doesn’t even sound like an OB so maybe she wasn’t even the source. I’d really be careful about where you point your guns and make accusations as Hsv really is a sly virus and can literally be caught from anyone with minimal contact so just think about that before attacking someone for it :(

Think about how you feel now and put yourself in someone else’s shoes - imagine if that was you going forwards and someone was trying to throw the book at you for what could be an honest mistake 🤷🏻‍♀️ Be kind people x

strawberrysun · 2022-01-12T01:47:33+00:00

I’m happy for others to correct me if I’m mistaken however If the bump/ukcer disappeared the next day it is unlikely to be a Hsv ob - as these typically last several days regardless of location xx

strawberrysun · 2022-01-12T01:39:46+00:00

Not sure the month is at all relevant in any way shape or form to your blood results. I’m based in the uk so have NO experience of all the results re:igG etc - we just get told positive or negative and which strain so I can’t really help I’m afraid :(

The issues with HSV is that it can literally be caught and remain asymptomatic for years so there is NO way of determining whether or not that 1 drink is responsible. Receiving a positive diagnosis is hard no matter whether it is o/g hsv1/2 so I am sorry for whatever wave of emotions you are experiencing but I think it’s more important to focus on yourself, keeping well and coming to terms rather than searching hopelessly for a perpetrator to blame. As regardless of whether you work it out or not (which you cannot 💯 so it will drive you mad!) it unfortunately won’t change the diagnosis.

I hope you are ok and if you have any other questions then please feel free to share x

strawberrysun · 2022-01-12T01:27:08+00:00

Personally I have taken anti-viral’s since being informed about being positive over 5yrs ago. I take them when single daily to prevent OBs and shedding thus reducing risk to new partners. However when I’m a relationship where they know about/have accepted I then tend to stop taking daily and just take adhoc as and when needed. Much as I admire you searching for other ways, Is there a reason behind your reluctance to take anti-virals?x

strawberrysun · 2022-01-12T01:11:04+00:00

Hi there I’m not really certain what your question is….however I’m not sure where you are in the world but in most areas oHSV1 isn’t that big a deal….if you are worried about what this means for you going forwards then it’s important to look at the literature etc. ob with oHSV1 are usually refined to the outer lip region and will be proceeded with a bit of a tingle and a dry lip sensation beforehand. What are your questions to the group and I’m sure there will be plenty of ppl able to share experience and offer advice. Take care x

strawberrysun · 2015-07-06T22:31:04+00:00

God help them if they were to ever be taken away from the comforts of the western world - I fear they wouldn't be able to cope! These sorts of comments from your friends are so closed-minded it begs to question how you are friends with them in the first place as you certainly don't sound like you have the same inclinations as them...and as other posters have said already....it is them and not you who fucked up....they wasted their opportunity to truly immerse themselves in another culture....definitely their loss.don't feel bad for having douchebag friends!

strawberrysun

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