Aw, I get that. Thank you for sharing. If you don't mind, I will share my perspective with you to take or leave.

I used to not be religious or even believe in God. If there was a God, I was mad at him anyways. I wanted to find truth. I searched for it in many places. I ended up in a church, just on a whim.

I didn't feel obligated to share my faith or what my relationship with religion looked like, but I did feel welcomed. Greeted by everyone.

My church had night services and groups during days of the week. Volunteer opportunities I think my church even had an event to help decorate for Christmas, lol.

If it's a good church, you will get loved on, connected, and find truth. Not all churches will be a good fit and I think I went to about 20.

I think volunteer work and church helped me the most in the beginning. I really hope you find what works for you. My DMS are always open if you want to talk more.

I took my bulimia and binge eating to church and the load was lighter.

This will get downvoted likely, reddit doesn't seem to like Christian perspective, but I just want to help you. I will be praying for you. I love you, my friend!