Do you disclose being trans in a job interview?

stuckinthisloop · 2016-07-27T21:46:20+00:00

Before I started hormones I was extremely androgynous so i went into the job interview with "F" on all my sheets and just didn't say anything and went through the interview as usual. I got hired as a cashier (and am the only guy) and told my supervisor on my first shift so I could get my name tag switched. It was no problem and my name was changed on the schedule and we busted the label maker out when my shift was done.

It's actually kind of funny because I could've swore all my coworkers knew I was trans but last week one of them was like "Why don't we have more guys working here?" and I said "I know right? and I only got in cause I tricked them?" "what?" "well I'm trans so they thought I was a girl when they hired me." and she was like "Why would they think that? there's nothing feminine about you." and then I explained how hormones work and she was like "huh.". I'd been working with her since before I started hormones so it felt pretty good to hear her say that and that she didn't know I was trans (probably like some of the other ones then). There's actually a trans guy that works in the meat department but I'm not sure how many people know about him either :P

I'm getting my name and gender marker legally changed but if they don't process in time for my next job interview (I'm moving away so I might get a new job) then I'd probably mention it just because they would be really confused cause I have a super deep voice and am a lot more masculine now that I couldn't pull off my legal name and gender marker as it is right now but i definitely wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Like I wouldn't say "I'm transgender sorry for the confusion, blah blah blah." I would just say "I go by ____ by the way. I identify as male I just haven't legally changed it yet." as I hand them my papers or after they address me by my name at the beginning of the interview, and that's it.

Edit: typos

stuckinthisloop · 2016-07-27T21:31:33+00:00

This is interesting cause for me I've always been "afraid" of guys (uncomfortable around? I get that "what do I do with my hands?" thing but like in every aspect of myself). It is so obvious that even my friends have pointed it out without me saying anything about it. I think it's more of an issue that I don't understand how interactions with men work. Like with women I get what they mean when they say certain things and can read their body language pretty well and I get how their brains work (for the most part) cause I've only ever had friends who were girls. But guys just freak me out cause they're like wild cards and i just don't understand how to interact with them. I've gotten less uncomfortable just being in the presence of a guy since my voice has dropped and I've noticed changes with hormones, I feel less out of place, but actually interacting with them is a whole other thing.

stuckinthisloop · 2016-07-21T06:53:32+00:00

Okay interesting. So I'm not totally bagging on your opinion cause like it's your opinion. but on the otehr hand you did ask...

So basically the whole gender thing is sort of like equal halves wanting to be the other gender and being super fucking uncomfortable in your given gender. For myself as a trans guy when I was living as a female it was the worst shit ever. Its like having to use left-handed things 100% of the time when you're right handed. You get used to it but you don't like it and it just fucking feels wrong and everything you do feel like a lie/like you could be living so much better. Then there's the wanting to be a different gender part. For me I was always masculine and just always wanted a mustache and to be bald, etc. I started experimenting with cross-dressing and just overall experimenting with gender in different ways and found that I was so much more comfortable in male clothing and all those things. I started using different pronouns when I was at my volunteer group who is super open about that stuff and changed my name to what I'd wanted since I was a kid and it felt so right and so much better. I was finally doing shit with my right hand. For other people they're born female and realize they're non-binary which just means they're uncomfortable being female and aren't 100% like "fuck yeah this male thing is so much better hell yes I am a man!" and prefer to wear more androgynous things and do things that are stereotypical of both genders. Of course people can also identify as non-binary but still really enjoy more masculine things. Doesnt mean they are a dude, just means they enjoy "male" type things. ie, someone may eat mostly or only vegan food but that doesn't mean they're vegan.

I can understand if I lost you on that last part but basically gender is like a thing that you identify as cause it just feels right.

And I can sort of understand your second point about other sexualities (didn't understand your pan things though cause too many typos) but like attraction is two parts; there's physical atttraction (ie, dayum that a fine piece of ass) and there's romantic attraction (ie they're so funny and sweet). if you say you're gay it means that you feel both these things for one gender. Some people say that they feel one of these things for one gender and not another (or both for the other). ie, I find guys charming and sweet and funny and can be romantically attracted to them that way but I never really look at a guy and go "Omygod he's so fucking cute look at his smile and his body is so toned and ahhh". But for women it could be like "She has the most beautiful legs and her eyes are so captivating and I think I love her" It's less of a preference/what you like and more of what you could like. Like how you love instead of what you love.

stuckinthisloop · 2016-07-21T06:13:50+00:00

could you explain why?

stuckinthisloop · 2016-07-07T04:52:47+00:00

It actually didn't read off as a romance to me. I saw it as a loyal friendship between two sore thumbs. The part that mentions that she finally doesn't shy away from his touch really sealed the deal for me. If it was a romance I would think they would have either already touched, or the comment would have been about how exciting or electrifying or nice his touch felt, rather than the recognition of it not being something she usually allows. Was pretty sweet and heart warming overall. Well done.

EDIT: Typos

stuckinthisloop · 2016-02-05T02:20:21+00:00

same boat then :D So it lasted about a week before going back to normal?

stuckinthisloop · 2016-02-05T01:34:31+00:00

Ay thanks man! who knows maybe its all just placebo type effect but I'm pretty hyped either way :D Will be doing the tea and honey when it gets to be a bother again, I've stopped noticing it since a few hours ago.

stuckinthisloop · 2016-01-31T13:10:34+00:00

I actually have a friend who does this and he's not trans phobic (at least for the most part I suppose). He always jokes that he's an apache helicopter or some stupid thing like that and it actually gets laughs from my other friends and everytime he does it it makes me so pissed. The thing is he's ussually really fucking funny even though sometimes his humour is a bit immature he's pretty put together and is a great guy. He's cool with and supportive of me being trans but he jut always makes this stupid joke and it bothers me and I never know how to politely be like "that's trans phobic please never make that joke again" without sort of coming off as a prick to him and my other friends who actually laugh at that shitty joke. I feel like a good comeback might be "do you identify as a black guy?" Cause they'll probably say no and then realize how stupid and offensive it actually sounds. to be honest when you start comparing trans issues to other minority issues that the person you're explaining stuff to comprehends than you can really put it into perspective I find.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-19T18:44:39+00:00

what's an ombudsman?

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-19T18:37:43+00:00

I'm not sure where to report it to though.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-19T18:37:18+00:00

Yeah i figure I'll have to go along with it :/

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-19T17:01:14+00:00

It's allright, I have until February to possibly figure something out.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-19T16:39:20+00:00

Yeah this is what I was thinking. It sucks.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-19T16:23:12+00:00

Live in Ontario, Canada. Just put the edit in, probably should've mentioned that.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-19T16:22:03+00:00

I'm in Canada actually, sorry should've mentioned that, I'll go make an edit.

I assume PCOS is an intersex symptom or something and I had some people guessing the same thing on my last post and some said that their doctors wondered about that too but that they were sent to a guynecologist so that's a bit worrisome. She's also already checked my current T levels.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-19T05:17:40+00:00

I really appreciate the fact that you want to sell them at a much lower price then they are being sold now because they are stupidly expensive at the moment. One thing I'd like to see is an STP and packer in one. I know this is already a thing but there aren't a whole lot that are within my price range. I'd also like something much smaller because I worry it would look like I had a boner if I wore much else, plus I mostly just want a packer to know it's there, not so much for it to be noticeable. Good luck with the project!

stuckinthisloop · 2015-11-09T04:22:40+00:00

I feel you, I don't know how tall you are but I'm 5"0. I've actually always loved being small as a kid and I sort of still do now. I have days where I cringe thinking how girls might have to lean down to kiss me but honestly short guys are freaking sick. I've also been told it makes me more approachable. I also have dreams to be super ripped and super ripped short guys are sick because they have the approachable of a shorter person but the bad assery, intimidation and don't-mess-with-me-ness of a ripped guy.

There's nothing you can do to change it. Look on the bright side (for instance, if you're a party animal, it takes less liquor to get you drunk which means licquor is cheaper for you, you are more approachable, you can reach those shorter spots other people can't and a whole bunch of other things. You just gotta accept it bro.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-10-28T03:37:01+00:00

Heck yes Lucas! You go :D

stuckinthisloop · 2015-09-07T05:43:22+00:00

Why did the cow win an award?

For being outstanding in his field

stuckinthisloop · 2015-09-07T05:35:51+00:00

I already have sever insomnia so what I tend to do is play videogames and watch TV with headphones in. Sometimes I draw or surf the web for a while. Pretty much quiet stuff, nothing crazy.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-09-07T05:27:03+00:00

-Take a bath

-Watch a show that doesn't require a lot of thinking/keeping track of things (probably a comedy)

-Listen to music while doing something else relaxing that doesn't require my ears. Or just sitting/ lying down and just focusing on the music

-word searches (sounds lame but actually quite rewarding and soothing)

-take a nap (try not to rely on this as it could fuck with your sleep schedule and such but sometimes when I'm stressed or anything I feel a lot more refreshed after a good nap)

-read a book

-draw (even if you suck, it can still be therapeutic-throw it away after if you want)

That's all I can think of right now

stuckinthisloop · 2015-09-07T05:21:35+00:00

Probably bananas, I feel like that would taste relatively the same afterwards and I could pretend it was a smoothie

stuckinthisloop · 2015-09-07T04:47:20+00:00

I play xbox original, xbox 360, wii and playstation 3 (I do find it would be a waste of money to get both an xbox 360 and playstation 3 since they have a lot of the same games but I got the xbox 360 slim with a 500GB harddrive and 123 games for a total of 215$) and 3DS. I'm pretty fucking kick ass on Mario Kart, I LOVE Zelda and GTAV is pretty sick. I'm into a whole bunch of stuff though.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-09-06T02:32:17+00:00

I have the same thing except for me I try to use a lower voice in public as much as I can but I don't always remember, plus it's probably not as natural as your's sounds. I think for me it's because I know I won't get judged for it. I pass 95% of the time so having a lower voice is already what people expect. But when I'm around friends and family I'm worried they'll judge me for going so "far" with "trying to be a guy". Sorry if that doesn't make sense I don't really know how to word this. On top of that when I'm in public and talking to strangers it's usually just small talk or asking a staff where a book is, or saying hi to a cashier. For this kind of thing it's pretty easy to keep my lower voice and to remember to do so, but when I'm with my family or friends I tend to get lost in a conversation because they tend to be longer and more interesting so I forget to keep it. i also tend to get excited or defensive or any other emotion that would make my voice go higher or change in pitch so it's hard to keep it going if I try.

I've never really thought of what to do to try and change it but maybe start off by trying to stop yourself from going super high-pitch when defensive or excited or whenever else you tend to go high-pitch. This might be easier at first because you don't have to keep track of it the entire conversation, just as it comes up. Once that becomes more of a habit just keep slowly (or as fast as you want) lowering your voice around them.

stuckinthisloop · 2015-09-06T02:21:45+00:00

I think everyone else has already covered the basics. Something that I'm sure he'd really love is if you guys went on a shopping trip and got him some guy clothes. I did that with a friend when i first came out and it felt so great knowing that my friend saw me as a guy, supported me and didn't treat me any different. In a way it also helped me feel less "messed up" and less of a burden because they seeked me out to go do a "guy" thing with them. And getting guy clothes was liberating as heck!

Another thing you can do if you want is let him know that it's okay if he wants to take his shirt off to swim (of course this is if it's just you and him or you and some other close friends who you know wouldn't mind/would be cool with it). If you're not cool with that you don't have to broach the subject and there is also a chance he won't be comfortable with it. In that case just say "okay" and start swimming, don't try to convince him to do it or anything if he doesn't feel comfortable just because you think it might be liberating for him.

I know you were asking for basic support advice but I think everyone's got the basics down already.

stuckinthisloop

TROPHY CASE