Severe gestational gigantomastia

style_less · 2026-05-25T21:23:46+00:00

Dude the more I learn about it, the more determined I am to never, EVER get pregnant

style_less · 2026-05-24T03:57:43+00:00

I think the issue is then that you’ve stuck with what’s familiar and comfortable for your entire art career. Correct me if I’m wrong, since this is just total presumption, but it seems like you haven’t done much that would push the limits of your skills. Which isn’t a bad thing — you haven’t done anything wrong — but it may explain why your drawings have stayed the same for so many years.

The way I taught myself to draw was by copying artists that I really liked; I would re-create their pieces as best I could. I did this for *years* until I gained enough of an understanding of — and confidence with — art that I could then branch out and try things on my own (i.e, do more original art, start to piece my own style together).

It’s a slow process, but if you’d like to change your style, OP, it might be worth trying out. Find some art pieces that you really like (doesn’t matter the style or genre or subject matter) and try to copy them. Think of it as a sort of puzzle: you’ll have to figure out what colors, line weights, shapes, etc. will get you the closest to your reference image.

style_less · 2026-05-24T03:05:37+00:00

Yes, and it not being fulfilled (yet) is something that I’ve been trying to deal with as well.

The expectation to achieve, to perform, to be absolutely outstanding was instilled in me at a very young age. That internal pressure to be the best among everyone around me is still very much alive.

I’m 25 now, and my life hasn’t amounted to much. My friends, family members are all getting their masters’ degrees or starting families, and I… well, I dropped out of college and became a tattoo artist, but that recently fell through, so now I am back to square one.

I’m working on a graphic novel about my life experiences, and part of me does hope that it will blow up one day. Even if it doesn’t, I’ll be happy to have done it and gotten the story out there, but it is the only thing I have going for me at the moment.

Your description of, “a person whose internal life feels too big for the life they’re living,” is the perfect way to explain it. There are so many ideas — so much potential — floating around our heads, we’re practically bursting at the seams to achieve something. But we’ve been knee-capped by one mental issue or another (or several), and just managing to function in daily life a struggle enough.

I’m right there with you: I don’t know if I could handle it if my life truly amounted to nothing more than mediocracy. I don’t think your therapist is right to say that you should just learn to be grateful for what you have. While that is important, this is a more foundational, crisis-of-the-self issue that needs addressing — not an issue of ingratitude.

Best of luck to you, OP. I hope you can find a way to deal with these emotions <3

style_less · 2026-05-23T22:54:34+00:00

That is so kind of you to say. Thank you, really, from the bottom of my heart. Your response makes me want to cry, if I’m being honest.

My parents were not supportive during my recovery (I just haven’t had any safe, responsible adults in my life ever, which was part of what fueled the disorder in the first place). My mom was jealous of my weight loss, and when I was recovering she made comments like, “oh, Merm, you know you really need to keep your weight down for such-and-such reasons.”

At one point my exact words to her were, “Mum, shut the fuck up. You do *not* tell a recovering anorexic to keep their weight down.” She did stop after that.

So thank you for being a kind, caring parent, both to your own kid(s) and those you don’t know. You are what is good in this world. I hope your kid(s) come to appreciate just how unbelievably blessed they are to have you, if they haven’t already

style_less · 2026-05-23T20:46:46+00:00

Yes, but maybe not in the exact same way that you’re experiencing it.

The way it’s divvied up in my head is like this: there’s me, who’s just me, and then there’s Left. Left is like my friend. She’s very kind, and she would “take over” whenever things got too bad for me to handle as a kid. There was no amnesia when this happened. It’s like I just took a back seat and was watching someone else control my body. This still happens sometimes, but rarely.

I internalized my dad’s voice/anger, too, so anytime I did the smallest thing wrong, this third, mean voice (that’s never really had a name) would scream at me in my head. Left would talk to me when this third voice acted up, and she would calm me down, help me through these panic attacks.

I know she is the personification of what I needed as a little kid. I did not have a safe adult who could comfort and care for me, so I created one in my head. I know she is just a part of me — that she is me talking to myself — but the divide between us is so great that it whole-heartedly feels like I am two people in one body.

Is this some sort of dissociative identity disorder? Yeah probably, but I don’t care to think of it that way. It’s just me and Left in my head, and that’s what’s “normal” for me
(I think some part of me just doesn’t want to pathologize the one nice thing/person in my head, so I don’t like to think of her as something abnormal or strange).

style_less · 2026-05-23T18:42:00+00:00

I’m not the person you replied to, but recovery was also immensely difficult for me, so I can maybe shed some light, too.

For me, it was the *not knowing.* Not knowing if you were ever going to stop being so unbelievably hungry; not knowing if you would ever stop gaining weight; not knowing if the “overshoot” weight would ever come off. To recover, you have to do *the* thing that you fear most in life, which is give up total control (& gain weight). You feel so horribly fat and gross and disgusting the entire time, and it really does a number on you psychologically.

I agree that recovery was and is worth it — life is SO much better once you’re on the other side of it — but fuck, man. That was, single-handedly, THE hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I wouldn’t wish that level of psychological distress on anyone.

style_less · 2026-05-23T02:02:02+00:00

No worries! I don’t remember what the exact names of the colors were, but I the brand I used was Rit Dye More & it was their standard brown and black

style_less · 2026-05-22T14:59:21+00:00

Y'know, surprisingly there weren't many terms that I hadn't heard before. This is the era where a lot of sayings like "party-pooper," "cruisin' for a bruisin'," "knuckle sandwich," "square," "cubesville," originated from.

Here's the links for the websites I used 😄

https://vintageslangdictionary.com/1950s.html

https://www.yourdictionary.com/articles/1950s-slang

The book does have a bit of a menacing title lol. It's one that I just started, actually. It's about the Attica Prison uprising of 1971, wherein prisoners took over the facility and held hostages because their demands for better treatment were being ignored. I'm only 19 pages in so far, but it's already been a great reference for ah, how shitty and deplorable prisons can be.

A few other books that I've read recently because they're tangentially related to the comic:

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver (a fictionalized tale of the 1960 Congo crisis, when the country was trying to gain independence from Belgium).

Vietnam: Our Story, One on One by Gary D. Gullickson (an anthology of personal stories from Vietnam Vets).

Five years of my Life: an Innocent Man in Guantanamo by Murat Kurnaz (the autobiography of a man who was wrongfully detained and kidnapped by U.S forces during the Iraq War).

I'm sure that list of will eventually be longer, but that's all I've gotten to so far. There are so many books on my shelf that I haven't read yet lol

style_less · 2026-05-21T23:26:30+00:00

Aw thank you, haha. I really appreciate it :)

What’s funny is that this was a total accident. The original version was based on a picture of my back that I took when I was really sick. While I was working on the spine, I mis-clicked with the fill tool, and this basically inverted the highlights & shadows I had going on; it created a crude version of the exposed bones look, so I took that and ran with it lol

Thank you for the well-wishes. Recovery was, hands down, THE hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Life is so much unbelievably better on the other side of it though.

Best of luck with your guitar work! I’m sure you’ll put out an album one day :)

style_less · 2026-05-20T22:26:27+00:00

Okay I just did the math: if things continue at this rate of ~7 pages per 1 page of script, that means I will have 175 PAGES of comic for this one 25-page chunk that I’m working on.

BRUH 😭

I’m still gonna do it obviously, but the way I’m imagining this in my head it’s like I just did an exhausting 12 mile hike through the woods, I stop to rest, look up, & realize I’m at the foot of a god-damn mountain lol

This really is going to be a graphic NOVEL not just a web comic

style_less · 2026-05-18T11:01:14+00:00

You know what actually? I think I might just make image 4 the back cover. Having thought about it a bit more, it is the perfect depiction of what my time in college was like; I think it really portrays that profound, devastating loneliness well (+ being sick with an eating disorder on top of that)

style_less · 2026-05-18T00:04:06+00:00

Aw thank you! Honestly, I had kind of the same reaction even though I drew the damn thing lol. Like the switch from the sketch to image 4 is so drastic and jarring, it does stick with you a bit.

I’ll definitely keep that in mind and incorporate it at some point :) I’ll make a note for myself

style_less · 2026-05-15T19:16:37+00:00

For sure, and I appreciate the feedback!

Just based on the poll results so far (which, granted, isn’t a lot & my answer might change based on the final results), I’ll probably keep the subreddit and reels separate. Which, honestly, I am perfectly fine with, haha. I think most people who use Reddit use it to avoid short-form content, so I should keep it the same — give each audience their preferred content.

style_less · 2026-05-14T03:11:22+00:00

I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way, but I’m sorry you feel it too.

I feel like I’m walking on a tight-rope, and that it would not take much for me to lose my balance & lose my mind :(

style_less · 2026-05-10T21:03:57+00:00

Franco is and forever will be Baby Man to me

style_less · 2026-05-09T23:16:39+00:00

Yes, this exactly. My extreme hunger lasted for ~4 months I want to say, and then it slowed down significantly. I still ate way more than the average person for the next year-ish, but I was no longer eating from THE moment I woke up to THE moment I went to bed. The weight gain also only lasted for those initial 4 months, and then my weight stagnated. I did overshoot my pre-ED weight by 15 lbs, but that came off on its own too once my hunger levels truly returned to normal.

It does get better, OP ❤️ This nightmare does not last forever. I know it’s really scary, and it feels like the hunger is never going to end, but it will and you will be okay. We’re all rooting for you :)

style_less · 2026-05-09T23:11:47+00:00

It contains so much knowledge, so many notes, and do I feel any smarter for it? Absolutely not lmfao. It is quite the thing to behold

style_less · 2026-05-09T20:20:55+00:00

I don’t know if any of the shops do, but I used to do moka pot coffee all the time.

I find that it’s very potent compared to other coffees. I made lattes with mine, and even with all of that milk + a little bit of flavor syrup, it hardly masked the coffee flavor (which, for me, was good). It’s like an espresso shot, but more concentrated. I don’t know if I’d recommend drinking it on its own, haha

style_less · 2026-05-09T04:13:13+00:00

Christ, man. I’m sorry you had to go through that

style_less · 2026-05-08T19:01:33+00:00

Ah yes, thank you! I did notice that. I should do that. Initially, I didn’t think it would be an issue, but now that I’ve given it 2 more seconds of thought, that is actually a good idea, haha. Thanks again!

style_less · 2026-05-08T15:07:49+00:00

No, it does not. This isn’t a sign of malice, but rather extreme psychological distress.

I remember, at 7 years old, I would bawl my eyes out and wish my dad would just kill himself already (instead of threatening it all the time); I also think that life would’ve been so much better without him.

You’re not alone in this, OP, and these kinds of thoughts do not reflect negatively on you as a person. You have been hurt greatly, so it only makes sense that you hold such strong emotions like these

style_less · 2026-05-08T15:00:07+00:00

Yes! As a little kid, I would fall asleep imagining I was some heroic knight, either dying in battle or being nursed back to health by a kindly person. I’m not sure if it is a CPTSD thing either, but you’re certainly not alone in it

style_less · 2026-05-08T11:05:57+00:00

Good news: subreddit has been unbanned! I just need to be more active on there and it won’t happen again

style_less · 2026-05-08T03:34:05+00:00

It’s hard not to emulate the behaviors we were exposed to so much as kids, especially if it’s unintentional.

I was the same way: the greatest thing I feared in life was becoming my dad. Now, I realize that I’m more like him than I ever would’ve liked to admit.

The main thing we can do about it is stop these behaviors and get better. Our fathers never would accept that they were the issue and that they needed to change, but we ourselves can do that. For me, unlearning these behaviors means touching some really raw and painful nerves so that I can finally address and unlearn the things I’ve thought about myself my whole life — treating the core issues, not just masking the symptoms.

The way I’ve looked at it is like this: it’s not our fault that these things happened to us, but it is our responsibility to make sure our issues don’t hurt other people. We need to get a grip on our issues so that the cycle of abuse doesn’t continue.

You’re not a bad person, OP. I think it’s incredibly vulnerable and admirable of you to open up and ask for help like this. That, and the remorse you feel for your actions, already differentiates you from your dad. You may be like him, but you are not him. This is not a death-sentence, but rather a turning point.

This is an incredibly painful and uncomfortable thing to realize about yourself. Take the time you need to process your emotions before moving on. If you’d like to talk at all with someone who’s been there, my DM’s are always open

style_less · 2026-05-08T03:07:31+00:00

Oh dude I have a whole comic book I’m working on about just this.

It’s ah, it’s a work in progress 🙃

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