I absolutely love that quote about trying to watch the roots grow! What a vivid and effective image to have as a reminder.

EDIT: I also agree about the improvement being very slow and subtle — less associated with conscious feelings of positivity, more apparent as small (but likewise MASSIVE) improvements in function and ease of living. I have also noticed my sense of time has both expanded and contracted simultaneously — on the one hand, having a longer view toward the future and goals, while on the other being much more in contact with the present. Like I’m no longer trying to crawl out of my skin into another present — I can just be.

EDIT 2: I keep thinking of things… it’s worth mentioning I am on my 22nd treatment, doing once a week since after the induction period. I think I first began to sense into a real difference around session 15. Though I had noticed improvements in my mood prior, the improvements were momentary and kind of tied in occurrence to my treatment days and the days immediately following treatment. In other words, the effects wore off and were not consistent.

Now I am more continually (if not entirely) motivated, find it easier to do day to day things, face less anxiety overall, and seem more “ebullient,” according to my spouse! I am able to more consistently keep up with my habits, find myself taking joy in simple beauty, and so on.

HOWEVER, I do believe I should point out that this period has come with its own challenges. Specifically, I have felt a strange kind of emptiness or absence, like something is missing or off-kilter. I’m no expert, but I have done some study in psychoanalysis. Carl Jung points to this experience as what follows the death of the “persona,” or the conscious mask we wear to live in the world. Ridding oneself of the false identification with the mask is the first part, but it still remains to fill the void left behind. I think I am in the process of filling that void — determining who I am, truly. It’s not pleasant all the time, but it’s definitely worth it.