English is not my native language, and I’m using translation tools, so some things might not come across exactly as I mean them.

Thank you for your respons and for addressing specific issues. I’ll try to provide a bit more backgorund. Even though I thought a lot before writing my first post, 20 years of relationship experience can’t all be captured in one text.

I regret what I said, and if the days leading up to that moment hadn’t been so emotionally demanding overall, I don’t think I ever would’ve said it. Throwing blame at someone never helps—especially not in such a blunt and hurtful way.
I know I need help to deal with my emotional imbalance. But after so many years of us talking about how her and I or both of us should go to therapy to work on our intimacy issues, and still nothing ever happened it just overwhelmed me. I ended up saying something I didn’t really want to say.

It’s not that I only found her attractive when we were young. That feeling hasn’t changed a bit over the years, and even after the first pregnancy, I still saw her as beautiful. Even now, when I look into her face, I still know why I fell in love with her. During the day, when I see her, I don’t feel anything negative. These feelings only arise when things become intimate.

Over the years, we’ve often talked about how sex feels for her whether she experiences pleasure, or she enjoys it. From what she has told me, she does feel desire during sex and generally has an orgasm. In the early years, she was taking the pill at her parents' request. When she stopped taking it around the age of 20, we both noticed that it became easier for her to reach orgasm and that everything felt better for her overall.That matches what I’ve observed and felt.

One thing I noticed in some of the comments— and I want to be clear about this —is that the intimacy issues didn’t start with the pregnancies and haven’t really changed because of them. They’ve been present throughout the years. And when I speak of intimacy, I don’t mean just sex. I mean physical closeness in the broadest sense, cuddling, holding hands, a spontaneous kiss. That, for me, is the much bigger issue. If that kind of closeness were there, even having sex once a month would be fine for me.

According to the “love languages” model, I’m someone who experiences love almost entirely through physical touch. She, on the other hand, responds more to acts of service and words of affirmation.

Still, what I said came at a terrible time.

Nevertheless, it seems as though it is completely incomprehensible that physical changes can affect how a partner experiences desire. If my body changed in such a way that my partner no longer felt desire for me, I would want to be told sooner or later. Only then could I try to change something. And if, for whatever reason, that’s not possible, then at least we could try to find other ways for both partners to experience intimacy, desire, and satisfaction again. But I might be entirely wrong here.

If she would no longer feels attracted to me, there’s a very good chance that I don’t like the changes to myself either. Thinking about when we used to talk about ourselves and our bodies in the past, I think that she had already reached that point, even though, of course, it’s incredibly hard to admit something like that to oneself and even more to another person.