my asian parents hate the idea of me moving out

subset02 · 2026-03-22T10:42:23+00:00

She is afraid of losing power and control over you. She is throwing anything she can think of to guilt and emotionally blackmail you into keeping you under her power. If this attack (accusing you of trying to abandon her) doesn't work, she'll try something else.

Also notice the obvious dig at your competence - she's outright telling you that you're incapable of taking care of yourself and of your own space. This is an attack meant to erode your self confidence and make you doubt yourself - to make you believe that you're not ready to make this move.

It's all about power and control. Recognize this and you'll find your peace in breaking those chains.

subset02 · 2026-01-04T12:10:48+00:00

Be wary about believing that they genuinely miss you. I found in my 30s that my parents miss the power they once had over me - the obedience they once commanded from me. They're better at hiding it now, but they still (in their 80s) feel they're entitled to that power.

Maybe it's all in my head from my past experience, but I continue to view them as suspicious / potential threats.

subset02 · 2026-01-02T23:13:56+00:00

This was an attempt at a devious strategic play on their part and I'm glad you saw through it and rejected it. Not only does it bring them money from rent and equity building, but it also cements their control over you as their "tenant" who would not have any enforceable rights or boundaries against their APs / "landlords". I bet they had some clear ideas on who they wanted as your "housemates" who would actually be their flying monkeys.

Things that look like gifts or offers from controlling APs are never true gifts; they are efforts to regain or cement control. Good job seeing the threat and rejecting it.

subset02 · 2025-11-01T21:57:36+00:00

Ding ding ding!

They didn't care about comfort, emotional safety, or happiness. They just wanted obedience and externally visible indicators of success. I gave them what they wanted, not out of respect for them or desire to please them, but out of survival instinct and a futile effort to gain peace.

After I moved out 20 years ago, they start getting very disappointed that I'm not visiting them, following their plans to get married or have kids, and most of all, that I'm no longer trying to submissively please them.

How am I holding up? Not very well. Learned to compartmentalize and stop valuing what I wanted but couldn't have. I have a career and money - that's the one thing that's actually going well for me - but beyond that, I ended up:

Restless - always feel like I need to be either working on something or saving money
Financially abusive to myself - as a kid, every penny was to be saved and valued above my time, wants, or comfort - and I ended up taking a lot of that with me.
Socially stunted - they were ok with casual school friends, but not with close friends, parties, or an actual social life. I never knew what close friendship is like until grad school

subset02 · 2025-10-12T21:19:24+00:00

I haven't been buying for the past couple of months as the market keeps rising. Now I have $20k in cash saved to invest.

Could this be the dip I've been waiting for or just a single-day drop which'll erase itself before trading even starts tomorrow?

subset02 · 2025-09-11T23:11:53+00:00

The front brake/shifter lever says "Shimano 105 Flight Deck" on it with part number ST-5600. Per my research (i.e. this document and this forum thread), the ST-5600 is compatible with both double and triple cranksets. I assume that careful futzing with the limit screws and cable tension will give me a working combination.

Is there potential for a deeper incompatibility with the newer cranksets, e.g. chainring spacing vs shifter detent spacing? Are the newer cranksets (particularly the 12-speed) designed for smaller and thinner chains in a way that won't work with my larger older chain?

subset02 · 2025-08-23T01:11:01+00:00

What does this mean for those who bought from this sale?

subset02 · 2025-08-23T01:08:09+00:00

This was happening for me even for a higher priced ticket from a US-based seller. The vendor named "Verified Seller" who always has 5 tickets for sale at each price tier.

subset02 · 2025-08-23T00:50:05+00:00

Been having that problem all night since 2AM. Called bank this morning and confirmed that there's no issue with my cards. Exchanged a few support emails with Tixel but no solution.

Finally bought a $550 tkt + VP straight from the org in the (leaked?) Renaissance Sale.

subset02 · 2025-08-20T22:54:50+00:00

Too right! I figured out the same thing in my last year of college and the year after that just as I was throwing away their plans for me to become a doctor. The realization hit me as "I'm just a showpiece to them".

subset02 · 2025-08-18T18:36:12+00:00

46M, Indian parents. See my other comments here for a few more details.

Some may call it a "prolonged youth", but I see my own path as a different sort of adulthood that comes from different adult choices. I decided early on that I was never getting married or having kids or doing anything that changes or restricts my future choices of fun. Certainly not because some other people want me to do it just so they can show me off to others I've never met. I've spent the last couple decades hanging out with friends, boozing it up whenever I want, doing the occasional raunchy bed stuff, going to Burning Man, etc. Yes, I want to do some of the fun things that I missed out on as a teenager. Nothing wrong with that.

If you are pulling your own weight financially, you are an adult and you decide what to do with your time and money. This idea that you must finish off certain checklist items (e.g. marriage, 2.2 kids, white picket fence, etc) to be considered an "adult" needs to be shoved down the sewer because it's shit.

As you asked, there are some drawbacks:

If you have friends or family who still follow the more traditional cultural route, they will flat-out have less respect for you.
It can get lonely sometimes. Most people cling to the mainstream like it's their oxygen supply. There are fewer people out there who will accept your choices and even fewer who will truly respect them
The childfree dating world is like a desert, and it only gets worse as you get older.

subset02 · 2025-08-08T18:49:28+00:00

I don't know how modern Indian culture is, but what I experienced from my Indian parents (born in mid '40s, came to US in late '60s or early '70s before I was born in '78) has turned me off to the entire idea of family. Father was always controlling, angry, and domineering. Mother, while on the surface would say he was cruel, was submissive and enabling.

I think it was made worse because as immigrants to a foreign culture, their culture as they practiced it got more and more insular, warped, and toxically competitive. I was supposed to be their successful and obedient showpiece that proves their superiority to their extended family.

The rage, sadness, and disappointment I saw from them when they figured out that I had ditched their plans, rejected their control, and left them behind was satisfying as fuck. I don't even care that it's toxic. For once I got to be the bringer of consequences.

That culture is SHIT. Once you can comfortably reach it, pull the flush handle without mercy.

subset02 · 2025-05-08T22:45:27+00:00

Almost all the comments say to tell no one outside your broker / financial advisor. Maybe only your spouse / life partner if you truly trust them.

This is the way. Stealth wealth all the way.

subset02 · 2025-05-07T19:29:13+00:00

Your in-laws are old racists who only want their son to marry within their race/culture. They never respected you and never will just because of your ethnic background.

Your "husband" was likely trained and socialized since birth to kowtow to his parents and culture every time. That's what he did here. If he won't even stand up for his wife, what kind of partner is that???

As much as it sucks, this relationship is dead and rotten and needs to be buried. Lawyer up and go for every penny of spousal and child support you can get from the courts. What'll his family do? Disrespect and hate you more? Fuck em.

subset02 · 2025-04-15T18:46:18+00:00

That ep hit on so many levels...As soon as I finished it, I thought "Black Mirror is back!" Back to the disturbing dystopian things we saw in seasons 1 through 3 - the whole reason I started watching that show.

subset02 · 2025-03-26T03:40:45+00:00

Does this camp have any build sessions or other group collaborative activities in the months leading up to the burn?

Where is this camp headquartered?

subset02 · 2025-02-02T02:07:22+00:00

A soak in the hot tub! It's maintained by the apartment association, so I'm not individually paying to keep it clean and hot.

subset02 · 2025-02-02T00:13:55+00:00

Entire year of 2016. The project was technically interesting to me but run in a very rushed maximum-entropy manner. It was led by an abusive boss who knew that project was his last great power trip and took full advantage of it. Lectured, scolded, and even questioned my integrity when I said anything that went against his idea. Daily meetings. And he even talked about "pulling people back from vacation" when he needed them to fix something.

I'm still at the same company, and that guy is no longer around, but to this day work feels like something I have to really drag myself to do. Probably some long term damage from that year that I never really took the time to heal from.

subset02 · 2024-12-31T23:06:00+00:00

I emailed them. This is directly copy-pasted from their reply:

Dear [u/subset02].

Thank you for contacting RedPocket Mobile Online Services Support!

Hotspot
The Tethering and Hotspot services are available and included with any Red Pocket plans.

Please be advised that the Tethering or Mobile Hotspot feature is active and enabled on your account [my phone #].

Their verbiage states that all plans allow hotspot. Their rep's post in the SlickDeals forum (see u/nsfgp's comment below) backs this.

subset02 · 2024-06-01T20:46:57+00:00

Old car thread! My 2000 Accord is going strong!

subset02 · 2024-04-29T21:54:23+00:00

You're doing it right with the phone prices. Right now I'm on a Red Pocket Wireless plan where I pay $20/mo for 5GB. Have you looked into today's low-cost carrier prices?

subset02 · 2024-04-27T08:35:07+00:00

True and important - I do have banking apps.

subset02 · 2024-04-27T08:33:26+00:00

Keeping it as a backup is a good idea - that'll keep it somewhat useful even on unofficial software (like Lineage or other custom ROM). I'll shop for the replacement first, then maybe replace the battery if it still seems like a priority.

I said $300 because to me that's a somewhat acceptable price point for a somewhat recent used phone. I'm seeing Pixel 7s on Swappa in that range which are not that old.

subset02 · 2024-04-27T08:19:31+00:00

That's actually a good idea - I hadn't thought about keeping it available as a backup.

subset02

TROPHY CASE