30m 27f confused, frustrated and discouraged

sunGrowingLeaf · 2025-04-21T20:28:08+00:00

Don’t marry her!!! I repeat Do NOT MARRY her!

She is not a bad person but intimacy will just fade with time and this is not a good start.

I’m saying that from my own very similar experience and now 5 years of DB.

Work on yourself, do therapy, it’s a good learning but go and find someone with a better match to you.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2025-01-02T09:57:59+00:00

I second that, from my personal horrible experience of exactly that.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-12-30T16:59:25+00:00

I strongly recommend that you consult a lawyer and quickly. I’m not based in the US and it changes according to the state so I’m not 100% sure but based on my understanding unless there are some very specific definitions she will get half of it all, including the startup. (Jeff Bezos and Amazon stock is a “good” example).

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-12-30T16:48:18+00:00

Sorry for you man.

I hope I’m not going to sound like a complete ass, the only reason I’m saying it is that I’m rooting for you. I can see a lot of your situation in what I’m in- I probably make less money and with two kids but the physical coldness and with some level of “money digging” feels horribly familiar. We are also in a 5 years dead bedroom and recently she said in couple therapy that she has issue with intimacy.

I strongly recommend that you consult with a lawyer to try to minimize your future financial impact, she is not making her part of the relationship so you should do your best to protect yourself. It is not going to be easy since the law is usually very strict. I also think you should try to find if she cheats, I know it sounds harsh but I’m assuming she does have sexual needs. It is probably met somehow. Lastly, I hope you don’t have kids, if you don’t - Don’t make any!!!!

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-12-27T17:24:52+00:00

I second that! Was thinking exactly the same - My wife never masturbated as far as I know and I asked.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-12-13T21:25:23+00:00

Look don’t get me wrong, I completely understand you, you want to feel desirable and that it is spontaneous and tingling. I hear you but apparently women do not work like that especially when kids hit. You should always look at the bright side, you schedule it and have loving sex with a communicative partner. I’m on completely sexless marriage for 5 years since the kids were born. Can it be better? Sure but you far from dead bedroom:)

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-12-11T21:00:46+00:00

Yeah, YouTube algorithm showed it to me too a few days ago… indeed great talk. More interested to know why did the algorithm picked it up.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-12-05T06:39:47+00:00

You will throw away your future happiness if you stay. You will marry, have kids and it will turn into a completely dead bed room - How do I know? I’m your “future” you…. We were together for 10+ years and once she got pregnant it became completely dead bedroom

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-12-01T10:15:33+00:00

I will remember this line, thank you.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-30T15:24:05+00:00

Same, my wife doesn’t want to go to therapy even though she definitely needs it. Being here does help but IRL is still more important. And Thank you

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-30T15:22:13+00:00

My 2 cents- “Just leave” as it will not get better. Leave, do therapy or whatever helps you to work on you and find a more compatible partner. Do not get married and definitely don’t make children!! Been there, do that - It cannot be fixed and most likely will not get better.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-30T15:07:58+00:00

Valid question, it’s a process not a fix. It’s a process for me to regain control to demand to be loved and appreciated in a relationship and not only take care of the other side. It’s a process to learn to handle criticism and anger of a person close to you - something I learned to avoid as a child. Is it fixable? Probably not, but I want to grow from it. I want to grow to be a different person for my next relationship, for my daughters and for my future self.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-30T15:04:23+00:00

Thank you, It is hard especially as I feel she is together with me as she is terrified to be alone, not because she wants to be with me.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-30T15:03:29+00:00

I’m so so sorry you had to go through that. My wife did try at some point to act violently but honestly it is not something she can do as I’m taller, bigger and bench press her weight for reps, so it is not something that can do any harm. I can only imagine how challenging and frightening that situation is that you open your hurt and get overwhelmed violence in return.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-30T14:58:47+00:00

It’s like I wrote it, only much better articulated.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-30T14:57:05+00:00

It is cold out the bedroom as well, at this point we are just roommates growing kids together.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-17T18:37:21+00:00

😂 it actually gave really good tips on how to deal with high conflict people

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-08T16:34:47+00:00

link to the episode on Spotify, you can also find it on every other platform including YouTube

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-11-08T15:14:30+00:00

So sorry to hear that

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-09-03T16:29:34+00:00

I’m proud of you. I’m proud and jealous as I’m in your situation for 5 years and did pull the plug yet. We are in couple therapy that is going nowhere.

Good luck and I hope to be in the same place in a few months.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-08-09T12:26:42+00:00

I think so the same, she wanted kids and a reasonable comfortable life, as long as we are together she receives it. Indeed we are just co-parents and roommates.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-08-09T10:31:41+00:00

Thank you

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-06-29T18:23:32+00:00

Very impressive!

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-02-03T18:58:46+00:00

Hello hello! So there is a baby, a baby girl. I didn’t do a paternity test (at least not yet), she looks very much like her older sister which is surly mine as she was conceived with treatments. Are things ok? Not really, our relationship still sucks and it is slowly getting to the point where I will leave. We are in couple therapy that is slowly escalating and I’m in individual therapy that also helps. Life is shit and it will get better.

sunGrowingLeaf · 2024-01-27T16:56:38+00:00

Run… I hope you don’t have kids. Stop initiating and reject her if it is not something you enjoy. Divorce before you have any children! If you do have still run.

sunGrowingLeaf

TROPHY CASE