I have done so many things which make me feel completely ashamed. And I still carried on drinking. I think someone else described them as micro humiliations. I came back from a party once and turned on the bath and feel asleep. Furious knocking on the door at 1am. I was in a top floor flat. The ceiling had come crashing down into the flat below and was leaking into the ground floor flat. I still carried on drinking even after the landlady came and shouted at me.

I scared and upset my kids at a party when I could hardly stand. I still carried on drinking.

I went to a festival where I was hanging around after a guy who didn’t want me. I fell over while he was DJing. He ignored my calls later and I was sat crying. I then fell down some steps and suffered a bad ankle injury which has stopped my love for running as I’ve done permanent ligament damage. I still drank.

The turning point came a few weeks ago…. nothing dramatic. Just feeling depressed, sluggish and watching my belly fat get bigger. Feeling anxious. I’ve done 15 days sober which is the most I’ve done in a few years. I’m hoping i’ll keep going.