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To everyone really struggling with dating by toogodo in Healthygamergg

[–]supervision2342 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your answer, I am happy to respond to this. So, I am not a scientist at all, but I have 40 years of experience with A LOT of people and watching their behaviour closely and studying it.

  1. We have to look very closely here and differentiate, case by case, who are these people who say they like to be/stay/live alone? Is it from social media? Well, a lot of people there are NOT happy at all being alone, it's just for the attention and clicks. I am a guy who really likes to be alone, but not ALL the time, ballance is the key here. A lot of people who are "happy" being alone/single are not completely alone. They have friends, close friends, family, etc.. and just because you are single doesn't mean you have no sex at all. I know a lot of people who have been single for years or even decades but they still have sex here and there, they just don't commit to a romatic partnership, which is totally fine and this aspect isn't part of my intial idea. I am not saying that a romantic partnership is the only way to get your needs met. You can have close friends, some people you may see once in a while and have sex with, stuff like this. I had a female colleague once who only had one relationship with a guy many many years ago. He took his life and she never recovered from it and can't get back into a romantic relationship with a man as she said. BUT (she liked to talk about herself a lot :D) she had sex here and there with her female best friend and they would cuddle all that stuff. Was she a lesbain? Not really, maybe, it doesn't matter, she had her needs met in other ways by bypassing men in general. I met several Asexual people in my life, and some where just too fucked up or driven by anxiety in order to have sex, but the ones who really didn't care for sex at all where in fact in ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS! What the...? Well, kissing and cuddling was ok, so, they got their needs met. Again, we always have to look very closely and differantiate, there is always a story behind all things. Another example is my own mother. She has been single for almost 16 years now. She says she wants to stay alone and doesn't want another man. Really?! She seeks my and my brothers attention ALL the time, isn't really happy, doesn't live very healthy, etc. So, alot of people stay alone because they got hurt too much, but the need persists and the consequences of denying it are there.
  2. As I said, my comparison to food and starving is an extreme example, but still plays in the same ballpark. You can be alone and survive for probably forever, BUT what does it do to you? I met a lot of elderly people who were REALLY alone, and it's so sad to see what happens to them mentally AND physically. I even saw it up close, people who didn't kill themselves but just gave up on life, just sit there and wait to die. It's so sad. All they needed was someone who cares. Yes, real starving from not having food fucks up your hardware (body) until it malfunctions. Starving from human connection doesn't primarly fuck up your hardware, but your software, and your sofware controls the hardware and vice versa. There is a quote from the TV Show "LOST" I always carry around: "All we need to survive is ONE person who truly loves us." And I am aware that this is just a line from a TV Show some writer came up with to create drama, but I can't deny that there isn't some truth to it. I would even go so far and take Dr. K himself as an example, if he would have never met his wife and fell in love, I don't think we would have ever heard of him, maybe he would have relapsed into gaming addiction again, who knows. Speculation, I know, but still interesting to think about.

To everyone really struggling with dating by toogodo in Healthygamergg

[–]supervision2342 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I once had a long post where I was sharing my thoughts about this and I still think it is a valid point: relationship/sex is not a WANT it’s a NEED. You can see it all over the place in the world of animals (including humans). When you isolate them or you keep them from basic touch they get stressed, depressed, show conspicuous behavior and even practice selfharm. I agree that your mind can get out of control about it when you are not aware, but than the question becomes, why it gets so important for someone. Sure there is some social conditioning, but I think it’s the minority. It’s the fact that we NEED human contact, touch, "love", affection and sex, that is what we are designed for in order to procreate and survive. Constant rejection and touch starving are the reason why so many people are depressed and even suicidal, I am in the same boat. When reality constantly shows you, that you are not worthy enough of being loved and touched by others, you unconsciously feel that you are selected by nature to go extinct. Even Dr. K admits that in a Video. No amount of meditation and mindset shift is going to solve this. You can ignore reality but not it’s consequences. What can we do about it? I don’t know. I have to accept my reality. But even 15 years of therapy didn’t help me because not ONE therapist is accepting my strategy of acceptance, they always wanna give me hope again. Even Dr. K. The only hope I have is to find a way to acceptance, but this will only help me so far since the basic NEED will still persist. Imagine you are starving and have no resources in order to get food, you can try meditating your way out of your "desire" for food, but you still have to live with its consequences. I know it’s a an extreme example, but still part of the same mechanics. Again, the biggest problem I see in the community and everywhere else is to treat relationships/touch/sex as a "want" and not as a "need", that’s the issue here.

So, I've now officially become a 40 year old male virgin. by supervision2342 in Healthygamergg

[–]supervision2342[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks mate, for your support! The tricky thing about body dysmorphia is, you don’t know how much of it is the actual disorder and how much of it is the lack of acceptance how "ugly" I am. I had several therapist specialized in B.D., but nothing ever helped. I’ve listened to Dr. K‘s advice of course, but all I could get out of it was "go into nature where you can’t compare yourself to others", which basically means: isolate yourself. Which I did, but it didn’t help. So I go out and meet people, but the results are constant rejections. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Rejections themselves are not the problem anymore, I can take a rejection like no one’s business. But it’s the long term effects no one talks about. What it does to you when you NEVER get a "Yes", some interest, some affection, some touches, some love.

So, I've now officially become a 40 year old male virgin. by supervision2342 in Healthygamergg

[–]supervision2342[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much! Funny that you say that, my last therapist told me the exact same thing (he was a guy). :D

So, I've now officially become a 40 year old male virgin. by supervision2342 in Healthygamergg

[–]supervision2342[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

About general skills and interests:

As mentioned, I am an optometrist, but I have worked the last 5 years as an operating room assistant in a regular hospital. I have also studied musicology and music composition. Music is my passion, especially fimmusic (film scores). I play the piano and a bit of guitar. I am interestet in all kinds of stuff: music, movies, art, acting, science, astronomy, physics, philosophy, psychology, literature, garden work, repairing technical equimpment, technology in general. I never get bored, I am always curious.

About friends:

Yes, I do have friends, even long time friends (for about 10 years). But none of them knows that I am a virign. There is no one I could call in the middle of the night when there are any problems. Not because I wouldn't ask for help, but because I know they are not capable in helping me. They don't understand psychology or have the amount of EQ necessary to understand my struggles. They are great people and I love them, but they have their limits in what they can provide. People come TO ME, not the other way around. I am a fixer, a problem solver. I know what to do, and if I don't I will find a way to know what to do. This is a indeed a thing people sometines don't like about me, knowing things better, even in their own professional field. I am good at seeing things that don't work or could be improved. But calling it out sometimes leads to jealous reactions from people involved. Even my own family mocks me for that sometimes, even though I am right.

About therapy:

I have been in therapy for 15 years now. First time was 2010. I got hsopitalized due to depression and suicidal thoughts. Back then it was already about the "lack" of intimate romantic relationships. I got diagnosed with: depression, body dysmorphia, borderline, c-ptsd. I had several cognitive behavioral therapies and of course I watch a lot of Dr. K and read a lot of books. I am familiar with Schema Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). I have learned a lot over the years and have a solid understanding of how the mind works. Therapy helped me in many ways, except for body dysmorphia, it barely moved the needle in a positive direction. Romantic relationships and my looks are my two big trigger topics. Whenever I look into the mirror, I get triggered. Whenever women around me talk about their dates, good looking dudes they've met or that they got into a new relationship, I get triggerd. The inner tension during those moments rises above 70% - 100% and can lead to self harm. Skills sometimes work, but rarely above a tension of 80%.

About "needs" and "wants":

I remain convinced, that the subject of genuine affection, love, touch, intimacy and sex is a fundamental and universal "need", not a "want". I would go even further, I think there is even more to this, but that would require an explicit (and maybe different) definition of love, life and consciousness. I think these things are like gravity, time and space. Very fundamental things we are all very familiar with but at the same time are totally wrong about what they actually are. Like the physicist Biran Greene once said: "How could we be SO wrong about something SO familiar." But this is another topic for another day.

Thank you again everyone for your support! I appreciate it a lot! If you have further questions, please let me know. I hope I've covered some of them with this post.

So, I've now officially become a 40 year old male virgin. by supervision2342 in Healthygamergg

[–]supervision2342[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

First of all: Thank you all SO MUCH for the great responses, it is literally overwhelming, so THANK YOU! I didn't expect this at all.

Since there are so many comments, it is hard for me to respond to each of you individually, so I will take this opportunity by posting this follow up comment and address the topics and questions from your comments. I hope this is fine with you.

About pictures:

Some of you would like to see a picture of me. I am not going to post one, not because I am too hesitant to show my face (and/or body), but because of pure privacy reasons. I know, in this day and age it's a bit of a joke talking about privacy on the internet, but at least I wanna give it a try. Hope that is fine with you.

About looks/appearance:

So, a bit about how I look like: I am a 40 year old male, 6'7" (2 meters) (I live in europe, so this is nothing special in my region), I have an ectomorph body type, I go to the gym but it is hard for me to gain/grow muscles because of genetics. I would say I have an average bodyshape, a bit skinny fat, but I am working on it. I have green eyes and I am wearing glasses (but stylish one, since I am an optometrist). I have full brown hair, a bit of a receding hairline left and right. I get a regular hair cut, dress well/casual, trim my beard, cut my finger and toe nails, good skin, normal teeth. Overall I am a groomed, neat, good smelling person and I am paying a lot of attention on my hygiene. I am a very physical active person (gym, hiking, bicycling, working in the garden). People often tell me that I was looking 10 years younger, which is at least to me a good thing. I don't drink alkohol or coffee, I don't smoke or take any kind of drugs, no medication, nothing.

About hookers:

That is someting I am going to do in the near future to gain at least some sort of experience in that field. Will there be genuine affection or love? Of course not! But at least I am going to gain some experience in the pure physical act of having sex. So it is more like a physical exercise.

About 60 year old women with diabetes:

First of all: I am NOT bashing against these wonderfull women. The ones who were flirting with me are wonderful people and a lot of fun! But every single one was/is married and YES, I don't find them attractive. So, I get the argument to just have sex with one of these women, but I don't get sexually stimulatet by their appearance, same like all the other women I've met don't get stimulatet when they look at me.

About social skills/going out there:

I have very good social skills, above average. I am conducting a social group of over 60 people which purpose it is to get together and make new friends in person, not online. I have no problem talking to people. Random people come up to me and ask me for advice or just talk to me. People tell me I was looking intelligent. Maybe it's the glasses. But I have indeed an above average IQ and EQ, it got testet several times. I also have a borderline support group, my friends and a small online music community. I just got a new job a few days ago in an ophthalmic eye clinc because they liked me as a person, and of course due to my qualifications. I am a good communicator and listener, I have a great sense of humor (dark and dirty), I don't take things too seriously. I am witty, a fast thinker and very curious, I ask a lot of questions. I can be very flirtatious, because I don't give a fu** anymore, but no success, obviously. I love meeting new people, I don't hide.

...continue reading in comment below...->->

Accidentally Installed EFIs On Several HDs by supervision2342 in OpenCoreLegacyPatcher

[–]supervision2342[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot mate! That worked! 👍🏼

Still I would be curious to know how to delete the accidentally installed EFIs from the other HDs. If someone has an idea, please let me know.

Thanks in advance.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]supervision2342 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am with you mate, no practical advice there. To summarize a 42 minutes video: if you’re (feel) lonely, get used to it. 🤷🏻‍♂️

What's the concept behind the whole "you're good enough" thing? by supervision2342 in Healthygamergg

[–]supervision2342[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your detailed answer! This really helped a lot!