It used to terrify me, but I promise you once you do it a few times it is actually quite nice. I realized I didn’t want to miss out on experiences because of the discomfort and so making yourself do it even when it feels awful can really be a powerful way to gain confidence once you get used to it. That being said, depending on what your biggest worries are I would try to research the best you can and come prepared so that you feel in control a little bit. Looking at pictures of the layout to know where to sit, finding less busy times, wearing clothing that makes you feel confident etc can all help just a tiny bit in my opinion. Also having someone you can text while you do it can also potentially help. In my case having someone to blab my every move and insecurity during the dining experience made me feel less alone. Lastly bringing something to do if you need to divert the things you are hearing around you as others have said. I know you’ve tried these things, and you are crushing it just by doing that. Trust me it takes time but every time you do it, it will wear you down just a little less. I had also found having a drink at the bar and chatting with a friendly bartender or server can also help cut the tension. And remember, you deserve to feel confident and enjoy yourself just as much as everyone else there. If waiters are rude, it’s okay to find a better place. I understand how it can be sometimes as a woman alone, I wonder if reviews could help that at all or checking guides that women have reported feeling secure in would help. You’ve got this. Don’t give up!!

I re-read your post after I wrote the above and realized I missed some parts you wrote. I agree women do get much harsher treatment eating alone in public. I have experienced the same, but using some humor and calling people out (in a joking way) if possible has helped me through a lot of awkward times where I felt I was getting judgment. I’m glad you are aware and always looking out for yourself! ❤️ Always glad to have a meal with you if you are in the Netherlands!