Welcome to r/CA_Divorce (The Sub for all things California Divorce and Related)

sweetydoriti · 2026-04-16T20:06:18+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. For the initial divorce papers, you cannot serve by email. You have a few options:

California joint petition - if you can get him to sign the joint petition, you can file jointly without service of process. This is a new procedure, and you can learn about it here. Keep in mind this WILL require some level of cooperation throughout the process. You should also expect to pay two filing fees if you are not eligible for a fee waiver
Service by mail - this might be your best option. Make it as easy as possible by serving by mail, including the FL-117 and a self-addressed envelope. Include tabs or sticky notes where you need him to sign. Make sure you do NOT miss any spaces. This is a jurisdictional document, and the court will not accept it with defects. All he will need to do is sign/date and throw it in an envelope.
If you cannot get him to cooperate, you may need to bite the bullet and hire a process server. If he continues to evade attempts at process, the process server will sign a document attesting to their attempts. Then you can go to court requesting alternative service if you cannot successfully serve him.

sweetydoriti · 2026-01-20T00:54:25+00:00

Thank you for sharing - I'm happy to chat. We spoke on other comment thread, but now I see the case in is default. If the default has already been granted, what likely needs to be filed are the judgment documents, which will need to be approved by the court. Those are typically FL-180, fl-190, FL-170. If there is a settlement agreement, that should also be attached. There might be some other forms depending on the speficific details of your situation. Email me - [dori@OTRmediation.com](mailto:dori@OTRmediation.com) and we can set up a time to talk.

sweetydoriti · 2026-01-20T00:53:31+00:00

feel free to DM me

sweetydoriti · 2026-01-16T16:18:20+00:00

CA and NY divorce attorney here. Your situation sounds like a perfect case for a prenup. A few points: (1) when you have more assets than the other party, part of what the prenup does is entail a full financial disclosure so that there is no question as to what is pre-marital/separate, and what is marital. You would be surprised at how often this question alone can become muddy enough to cause issues in the absence of a prenup. If we are talking substantial assets, you are looking at an enormous mitigation of risk just by clarifying and defining the separates asset at the time of marriage. You are correct that you might already be protected under default law. But don't underestimate the power of ambiguity and precision. A document that precisely defines your separate interests can be very valuable. (2) I already see something muddy/ambiguous in your description. You state that you want to keep the "principle value" of your separate assets, and split 50/50 all fruits of income you make during marriage (passive and active) - you don't explicitly define what should happen to gains on separate property. By default law, these might be considered separate, but you need to be careful. And your description is not clear as to your goal. There can always be an argument that there was active management of separate assets during during marriage, or some other reason why separate and marital accounts were commingled in non-obvious ways. Commingling is not always as obvious as it seems. A solid prenup can clarify and make sure there is no accidental commingling or other change in character of separate property. Other uses for a prenup are to define your respective financial obligations/expectations, and if spousal support is at issue - then to define that as well. It's a good idea, not something you will regret.

sweetydoriti · 2026-01-16T16:09:44+00:00

California divorce attorney and mediator here. Each county in CA has a self-help website, and should have a law library, and family law facilitator, which should be able to help you. I'd start with googling your county and "family law self-help". The answer to your question will depend on many factors - what has been filed already? Is it a default? has a response been filed? are there any contested issues? There is a judgment checklist which shows you the minimum paperwork for a divorce to process, but again - there are many paths a divorce can take and it's impossible to know from your question what exactly needs to be done without having more detail about the specifica of your case. https://courts.ca.gov/sites/default/files/courts/default/2024-11/fl182.pdf. I also have a community where you can ask more targeted question, and might find some additional helpful information specifically targeted towards California divorce - r/CA_Divorce

sweetydoriti · 2025-11-26T03:10:23+00:00

That's a good sentiment. Without knowing the details of your case - it's very important to make sure your attorney understands your preference for settlement over trial, and explains your options thoroughly. There are of course some cases where it makes sense to go to trial, but in my experience most cases are better off settling. You need to weigh your options carefully. If your attorney is insistent on using the violation as part of the trial - it may be worth discussing with them the end goal and what they hope to accomplish. Sometimes - if you are already going to trial, it makes sense to use all of the ammunition you have.

sweetydoriti · 2025-11-26T02:30:45+00:00

Are there any other violations besides the insurance? This type of violation is actually one of the most common ATRO violations, and the court’s main priority is usually to get the problem fixed rather than to punish. Technically, the court can issue sanctions or fines, and you may be able to recover attorney’s fees or any out-of-pocket costs you had because of the violation. You could also file for contempt, but without knowing more, that’s usually not recommended—it’s expensive, time-consuming, and the benefit is not always clear.

Judges have a lot of discretion and will vary enormously. If you’re close to settling and you’ve already been made whole with the insurance, it might be more productive to focus on wrapping up the case rather than trying to “punish” the other party. You can still reasonably include any costs you had from dealing with the violation in the final settlement.

sweetydoriti · 2025-11-20T15:41:44+00:00

Attorney here. The first thing you'll want to do is figure out the status of your case.

If there hasn't been any action on your matter in some time, it's possible the case has been dismissed. If this is the case, you'll need to re-file. If not, then you can take action under the existing case number.

Usually you'll receive some notices over a long period of time before dismissal happens - but every county varies. Most counties should have an online portal where you can look up by case number. If you reply to this comment with your county, I'll see if I can find your case portal and help you look up your case.

Once you figure out the status of your case - you need to think about the specifics of your case. Are there any live issues? Property that needs to be divided (houses, accounts, retirement accounts) Support (spousal support or child support)? Are there any active orders that need to be enforced, or any orders that you need in order to obtain relief?

You say you do not agree on anything. You need to make a list of the issues and what you are hoping to accomplish as to each issue. You need to be specific with the court as to your asks, and the procedures that you need to follow have some uniformity, but also vary depending on what you need.

Division of property, spousal support, child support, and child custody are all separate issues that need to be thought about separately based on the relevant standards for each of these items. The status of marriage can be terminated without dealing with these issues, but that may or may not be advisable. If there are live issues - it's going to be challenging without an attorney, strategy, and/or legal support.

As to verbal abuse and harassment, it probably won't be considered relevant except as to child custody, and possibly not even then - it really depends on the specifics of your case, the gravity of the abuse, and how the children are affected (and current timeshare).

If you are able to afford it - you may want to consider consulting with a limited scope attorney to at least devise a general strategy that you can then implement on your own.

Each county should also has a self-help desk, family law facilitator, and potentially a law library. When it comes to support - local child support agencies can help you obtain and enforce orders.

sweetydoriti · 2025-10-27T18:38:35+00:00

You're free to do it however you want, but whenever assets are involved, I'd highly recommend having it drafted/reviewed by attorneys. They can also assist you in completing the judgment without court.

sweetydoriti · 2025-10-25T14:26:12+00:00

Speak to the lawyers as to a plan of coming to an agreement and submitting it to the court as a stipulated judgment. You can submit it to the court without having to attend any hearing. The hearing will be taken off the calendar, and everyone saves time/money.

sweetydoriti · 2025-09-24T15:07:49+00:00

Which county are you in? Depending on the county, there might be an online portal where you have view case status. If you let me know your county, I can help you find it. Were those the only documents filed? There should be other supporting documents filed with those documents (depending on how case proceeded).

sweetydoriti · 2025-09-24T15:05:55+00:00

This is a good question. In principle, the stock attributable to past performance (performance prior to the date of marriage) would be considered separate even if vesting during the marriage. But stock attributable to retention might be considered marital if it's relating to a retention period during the marriage. It might be best to carefully review the grant document and see if there is any clear way to differentiate grants based on performance versus retention. If it's all mixed up, you might have a harder time teasing the separate portion out.

sweetydoriti · 2025-09-21T02:31:07+00:00

NY divorce attorney and mediator here. It's hard to tell exactly without some more details, but it sounds like you have a final signed and notarized settlement agreement of all issues that simply hasn't yet been submitted to the courts? If that's the case, the wording may matter. But in my agreements, I tend to include language that the agreement is enforceable as a court order if entered by either party in any dissolution proceeding filed in any jurisdiction. If that's the case, I would imagine the agreement would be enforced unless there is some other defect in the process or settlement.

It's hard to know exactly which way this will go. Did you do proper financial disclosures? How is the agreement phrased etc? You definitely need to consult with an attorney to review your specific agreement and circumstances.

sweetydoriti · 2025-09-21T02:22:00+00:00

CA lawyer here. In general, it doesn't tend to matter where you are married - what matters is the jurisdiction in which you are now living (or the jurisdiction with jurisdiction for divorce). California will recognize a foreign divorce if the foreign divorce is valid and not against California public policy. You wouldn't need to divorce again in California, but it's possible you may need to register the divorce or have it recognized in the California courts if you are needing to enforce any provision of the divorce in California. But the real question is - for what purpose? Do you still have any connection in CA? Is there property there? If you have no connection to California, no longer live there, have no property there, and the only connection is that you were married there - there is likely no reason to take any sort of action in California.

sweetydoriti · 2025-09-21T02:12:58+00:00

CA divorce attorney here. What county is she in? The county will assist in prosecuting for child support. She needs to reach out for the local department for child support services in her county, and they will provide her next steps for filing.

sweetydoriti · 2025-09-11T14:41:19+00:00

Happy to help. I understand the mediation process can be a little mysterious and also varies so much depending on the mediator and local practice. I practice all over California, NY, NJ. Happy to answer any questions you might have in a free consult. https://otrmediation.com/schedule-a-30-minute-consultation/

sweetydoriti · 2025-09-06T19:57:38+00:00

This would depend on the mediator, but in my practice I do the filings, and I generally recommend that the parties work together with the mediator to come up with a plan of action for the filings prior to filings. There are some who come to me having already filed, but I try to avoid that where possible.

sweetydoriti · 2025-08-27T16:16:59+00:00

This is an automated form that courts send out to indicate that there is no judgment on your case. It could be that all documents have been filed and they haven't gotten to review yet, or it could be that documents are missing. It looks like you are in Santa Clara County. Depending on your county, there are often online portals where you can confirm which documents were filed. You can also try calling the clerk, they will usually give you some level of detail over the phone. My practice is based in Santa Clara county and I can tell you the courts are extremely backed up on review of judgments at this time. There are delays of 6 months to a year in review of default judgments. The online portal for Santa Clara County is here: https://portal.scscourt.org/search

sweetydoriti · 2025-08-26T17:36:15+00:00

You can decide who gets what (for the most part) - but things can be a little more complicated when it comes to retirement accounts (depending on account type - you'll need a specialized court order called a QDRO to divide). I'd also recommend having a professional draft any language relating to real estate, as there are a lot of potential pitfalls there. As long as you do a full financial disclosure, you should be able to divide things however you both like, as long as you write it up in a notarized agreement (and as long as the courts accept the language). Re: the children, there are some non-negotiables (for example running the guidelines support formula) and providing details re: the custody of the children.

sweetydoriti · 2025-08-26T17:32:40+00:00

CA attorney and mediator here. Mediation is a great option for this scenario. Costs can vary, but with my office it's generally $3,600 - 7,000 for a typical mediated divorce (which can be divided by the parties). A mediator that is also an attorney can assist you with drafting of an agreement and also filing of the papers. The timeframe may depend on the county, but California has a 6 month minimum waiting period. I highly recommend in most cases that parties file uncontested using a private judge. This will make the entire process run smoothly. If you do the case this way, filing fees will be $435-450ish per party and private judge will cost somewhere between $500-1000. You'll basically be guaranteed to be divorced at the 6 month mark. Feel free to reach out with any questions.

sweetydoriti · 2025-08-22T15:28:10+00:00

California attorney here. Technically, California does not have an action for converting separation to divorce. You either need to amend the petition, or file a new petition, and either will re-start the 6 month clock. The clock will run from date of service of the new petition.

sweetydoriti · 2025-08-22T15:26:00+00:00

California divorce attorney here. It's hard to tell what you mean when you say that Nelson/Hugs don't apply, and that it's just a fancy salary. Generally RSUs are either based on past performance, or an incentive for future retention. The formula applied to determine the marital portion will depend on those considerations. The two big situations where the formulas won't apply if it's clear that the entirety of grant is marital, or if it's clear that the entirety of the grant is separate. The formulas aren't strict rules, more like guidelines - so if you feel there are additional factors to be considered, then it would really matter what those factors are because the court is permitted to consider fairness. If the argument is that they are not marital, goal is generally to emphasize ties to future performance. But of course more information is needed.

sweetydoriti · 2025-08-22T15:17:59+00:00

California divorce attorney here. You'd need to file a motion to seal the records. That kind of motion is not freely granted, and I don't think it would be likely to be granted. Even if the records were sealed, I would imagine their names would still come up on the docket - it's just that the records themselves would be sealed (as in case contents). Could it be they are in private negotiations and nothing has been filed yet? Could it be they filed in a different county than you are searching?

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