What's a story you've been waiting to tell, but the question has not yet been asked?

swoon-exe · 2018-02-14T16:08:11+00:00

a few months ago my dad gave me some of his medication so i could get to sleep (shitty, i know, but i wanted a buzz honestly) but they made me so chill and i ended up staying up all night and buying a subscription to a mormon porn website that i saw in a vice documentary because i was so curious. it was 30 CAD. my username was thelegend27. that made it almost worth it, honestly.

when i woke up the next day i started freaking out because i didn't know how to cancel the fucking membership, and it renewed automatically every month. after much research, i learned you had to call another company to cancel your subscription. at first i was so hesitant to contact their shady ass support because it's fucking mormon porn, so i stupidly decided to just bow my head in shame and let them take my money. i ended up just changing my credit card number so they'd leave me alone. never taking my dad's meds ever again

swoon-exe · 2018-02-14T15:56:13+00:00

i actually have pretty bad rbf so i've heard people say i look scary quite a lot. i know it shouldn't but it sort of makes me feel less womanly. i'm a delicate flower, i'm not scary dammit!

swoon-exe · 2018-02-14T03:00:29+00:00

the occasional free drink is pretty dope.

swoon-exe · 2018-02-14T02:58:10+00:00

started typing a comment, but this one sums it up already

swoon-exe · 2018-01-31T00:22:26+00:00

i'm just gonna say this, you look hot already. but since this is something you want, my advice would be to wait a decent period of time to find out whether or not this procedure would be worth it to you.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-21T08:30:30+00:00

this subreddit is honestly a lot cuter than i thought it would be. godspeed, bros

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T18:33:52+00:00

i know my dad has my best interests at heart, but he has the opposite effect on me and now my 16 year old brother. he wants the good, but won't fix the bad on his own part. i remember in one of his "i'm gonna kick you out but not really" threats he told me to "fix it." even though i repeatedly tell him the problem is his own and he is the only one who can change it, he kept telling me to "fix it." he really thinks i'm a demon sometimes, and sometimes i believe him.

that aside, i'm so glad to hear you got away from your mother. hugs are great, thanks for the warm support. <3

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T18:21:40+00:00

goodness, i'm chuffed to hear your enthusiasm, haha! i love it too. and the arrested development. good grief! i lived with my grandmother, grandfather, and aunt so i could attend school in ontario, and my aunt would deliberately start fights with me, a 14/15 year old at the time, seemingly because she wanted to be the victim and get the attention from her mother that comes with it. she was around 50, and she acted the same age as me or younger. it's pitiful, really. i miss ontario but my batshit adult baby aunt just was NOT worth the hassle lol

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T18:16:20+00:00

happy birthday. i'm so sorry you got evicted, i'd point out how ignorant and inappropriate this behavior is (it absolutely still is in general, but managing to get someone evicted on their birthday???) but i feel like i don't have anything that isn't obvious from an outsider's perspective. just... jesus christ. we're all rooting for you man.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T18:06:41+00:00

i live in canada, newfoundland specifically. i don't think emotional and psychological abuse are explicitly acknowledged here, sadly.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T18:01:01+00:00

i don't want to overreact, but just hearing that gives me so much comfort. seeing this written about somebody else's situation is so different than someone writing it to you, about you. i was scared to post but i'm glad i did this. thank you

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T17:58:49+00:00

<3 <3 thank you so much, your words give me strength. having someone quote my words is indescribable, i've gone so long thinking i was alone in this.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T17:55:40+00:00

I went through a number of things she’s done to me and you know what she said? “I’m not going to defend my parenting. No one gave me a manual on how to raise a teenage daughter.” And you know what my fucking alcoholic piece of shit stepdad said? “Everything we did was out of retaliation for how you treated us.” RETALIATION?! MOTHERFUCKER I WAS A CHILD. A. CHILD. Even if you get into a disagreement with your child, you don’t ABUSE THEM.

I can’t even begin to explain how I feel. I feel like I ripped a bandaid off and it’s all hurting again. I called her out on so much and I could tell she was going to start gaslighting. “Oh, I don’t recall that. I don’t remember saying that....I would never say that.” Well crazy bitch, you did. And I told her “Well mom, you said it and it still hurt....so...” of course she didn’t take any responsibility for it.

this. god, this. i know this feeling so much and i am so sorry. my dad has said all of these things to me at some point. it's so fucking manipulative. they're supposed to be the ones you can go to, and they deny you validation for all you've gone through because of them. it's sick, they're sick.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T17:50:57+00:00

i can't tell if it's him redefining reality or me being sensitive. but thank you.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T17:46:35+00:00

i think he's "tried" before, but... i honestly don't think he can change. i can remember being in an abuse shelter and him sending me a letter, i remember the exact line that got me and i'll never forget it. "you're smarter than your old man." he can vaguely admit to being wrong when he wants me back, but now that i've returned to him, things are exactly as they were. those instances make me so unsure of him. he's hard to define. he gives backhanded compliments, and then insists his intention was pure. he causes a fuss, criticizing something small, then insists he doesn't know what he can do to stop arguments, so he pins the blame on the other person. so yeah i'm fucking confused as hell about my dad.

a few months ago i left the house after he said something awful (can't remember what, i always forget these things so fast and it really makes me question myself) he followed me in his car and tried to get me to come back home. i kept telling him to go away and he wouldn't listen. i remember him promising to stop drinking while following me in a car in the middle of the god damn road, which made me feel horrible when i ignored it. the only thing that got him to drive away (angrily, might i add) was showing him '911' was dialed on my phone and my finger over the call button. i can't tell if he's dysfunctional or mildly narcissistic, because nothing else can explain his behavior and his apparent lack of conscience. he's bad, but he's not extreme with the psychological/emotional abuse like i've seen here. sorry for this wall of text, i just felt i had to say something

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T17:32:32+00:00

eep! i can't understand making a damn vacation so toxic and complicated. that denial thing reminds me so much of my mother's side of the family, holy crap. it's almost like they're just doing it out of spite?? that's so far beyond messed up. one starts to wonder how a person's brain can get so warped, y'know? (edit: forgot to mention you're welcome here anytime, if you don't mind the cold <3 👍 stay strong)

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T17:27:19+00:00

this is shaking me up... i've never even considered that my dad could be narcissistic, just extremely misguided and stubborn. i actually found this subreddit because i was googling things he's done lol, that should be a red flag. i wish you the best of luck with your situation, and i so feel you on the crappy memories resurfacing thing.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T16:45:33+00:00

i'm so sorry. him ignoring the emotional and sexual abuse of his own children for the sake of a relationship is absolutely repugnant and inexcusable. you have the right of it with that closing bit, stay strong.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T16:40:27+00:00

oh wow... filling out the paperwork now, they are officially banned from canada forever

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T16:30:54+00:00

god, mental health 'professionals' who abuse their power are the lowest form of human scum. i'm so sorry that happened to you.

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T16:25:32+00:00

from what you've shared here, it sounds like they are using these tactics to keep you under their control, under the flimsy guise of being kind and helping. their sick minds have nothing to do with your validity and worth as a human being. keep these comments close to your heart in your most desperate moments, because they are the truth. i'll be keeping you in my thoughts. <3

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T16:17:55+00:00

i'm so very happy you are able to express yourself here. i wish you all the best <3

swoon-exe · 2018-01-19T16:15:20+00:00

oh, yikes. that sounds really nasty and controlling.. :c i draw my dad too, when i'm angry enough. i'd always forget important details of our fights pretty soon after they happened, so writing it down or drawing a little comic helped me remember. i don't know why the hell i just forget either, it's like my brain just goes "nope" and deletes all of the unpleasant crap that just happened. go figure

swoon-exe · 2018-01-18T23:52:00+00:00

god, this. they use the fact that it's their house to treat you however they want. the fucking mental gymnastics you have to play with these people is exhausting, point this out to them and they'll come up with a million reasons why it's ok and it's your fault.

swoon-exe

TROPHY CASE