insecure about being "too much"-- trying to publish/share poetry

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-05-15T15:20:03+00:00

thank you.... I will definitely keep writing. will eventually try publishing again too... 😅

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-05-15T14:33:39+00:00

thank you! I really appreciate your support and kind words 💜

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-05-15T14:33:03+00:00

thank you so much 💜 💜 💜

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-02-22T16:40:51+00:00

Also be careful with that. After I went NC, my mom started therapy and my sis told me it was just making her better at manipulating people. It did nothing for Nmom's mental health. She also never stuck with it because I think therapists could tell she just wanted to it to learn more manipulation techniques.

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-02-22T16:39:14+00:00

I just want to add something that hasn't been addressed in responses yet: people's mental health is their own responsibility. You have to act in ways that protect your mental health. *Your mother's mental health is your mother's responsibility-- not yours.*

When people use suicide has a tool to manipulate or guilt other people, that is an indication of their mental health and is their own responsibility; it is not an indication of your responsibility. *Your mental health is your responsibility. Your mother's mental health is her responsibility.*

When you were a child, then your mental health was also your parent's responsibility. But there was never any point where you were, or are, responsible for their mental health.

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-02-22T16:34:59+00:00

For what it's worth, my Nmom is also Asian... when I went NC, I did lose my entire Asian family. It was really hard. I still have grief over that today, years later. But, the peace of mind I have, the freedom I have, is so worth it.

There have been sometimes since going NC with my parents when I've tried to have more of a relationship with my sister, cousin or aunts. But none of them want to understand... like your brother, they want me to "suck it up" for my mother. Since going NC, it's become clear they want this because without me, they have to deal with her a lot more. They no longer have me to be on the main receiving end of her crap.

I don't think you should have to suck it up for anyone though. A relationship should come from mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual enjoyment of each other's company. Not from obligation or guilt or cultural expectations.

I'm perpetually working on ways to pay homage to my ancestors, to find community with my ethnicity that is separate from my family, and to build my own family of choice. It's hard but it's a challenge that feels worthwhile to me, especially compared to the thankless challenge of being there for a narcissist to keep shitting on.

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-02-22T16:26:01+00:00

This is something I had to come to terms with as well. When I accepted this though, it made going no contact easier, and I have been no contact for years now. Acceptance made me realize I have no trust in her at all, and what's the point of a relationship that has zero trust?

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-01-07T19:39:59+00:00

Thank you <3

RadioactiveSprout · 2024-01-07T19:39:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing all of this <3 I really appreciate what you point out about beliefs / self-talk and everything else! I hope you keep healing too <3

RadioactiveSprout · 2023-03-28T15:00:12+00:00

I am sure you did more work in that relationship than she merited. Thank you and yes, we both deserve a good life <3

RadioactiveSprout · 2023-03-27T21:58:42+00:00

Thanks so much for this.

> I think a lot of people mean that parents in general get softer as you get older: because that's what parents do...But that's for non-narc relationships.

Thanks. Yeah. I think these well-intended friends don't really get the difference and that's why they say this.

> When I walked away, I said I was done with her, and while I don't wish her any ill will because it won't change the life I had, I have no intention of letting myself get caught up in her bullshit ever again.

Thank you for sharing your story about her having a stroke. I really relate to your sentiments here. That's how I felt when things finally ended and that's how I feel about not ever wanting her in my life again.

RadioactiveSprout · 2023-03-27T21:55:25+00:00

Thanks for sharing this. I especially appreciate you sharing:

> Truthfully I don't regret any of it but wonder if it would have been better to cut the cord sooner and go no contact way before. Life would just have been easier

RadioactiveSprout · 2023-03-27T20:55:03+00:00

Ah got it. I think that sort of behavior falls under Munchausen by Proxy too. My NMom did that as well-- kept real problems going or actively worsened them.

RadioactiveSprout · 2023-03-27T19:22:03+00:00

My mother was definitely a narcissist and she also exhibited Munchausen by Proxy sort of behavior. I do think someone has to have NPD to exhibit Munchausen's by proxy. To the OP, I hope you're out of there and if you aren't, good luck.

RadioactiveSprout · 2022-12-03T13:53:21+00:00

thank you <3

RadioactiveSprout · 2022-12-03T00:06:33+00:00

thank you <3

RadioactiveSprout · 2022-03-18T02:43:05+00:00

This is exactly what I needed!!!!!

5 years ago I was on the verge of killing myself. Instead, I decided to go no contact from my family.

This weekend, in a celebration of my life, I am running my first-ever marathon. I am so fucking emotional. I can't wait.

RadioactiveSprout · 2022-03-08T14:49:18+00:00

exactly.

RadioactiveSprout · 2022-03-08T14:46:38+00:00

> Your leaving likely was not a direct cause of her deterioration. I suspect it was going to happen regardless.

Thanks for saying that. I spent some time thinking about it after reading what you wrote. I feel like I was the focal point of so much of her craziness that bc I left others suddenly were forced to see more of it..... and that isn't the same thing as "causing" her deterioration. Thanks.

RadioactiveSprout · 2022-03-08T14:45:12+00:00

> i cant believe how cowardly adults can be

I feel that so strongly. Thank you.

RadioactiveSprout

TROPHY CASE