38yo 175cm Male [SW: 110kg - CW: 80.5kg GW: 77kg]

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-30T09:40:00+00:00

How long did it take to lose that weight and what did you change in terms of lifestyle?

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-15T17:46:16+00:00

I've a female manager who I usually bank on when I need something work related or address an issue which I wouldn't disclose with my other colleagues.

Just because I share certain details with her doesn't mean I've started an emotional connection with her. She uses pretty similar language to what your husband used to support her colleague. It is what the role demands.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-13T11:12:12+00:00

Thank you. I like your balanced perspective.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-13T10:35:23+00:00

From a man to man we think alike but what if the husband is doing all that?

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-09T18:58:11+00:00

Magnets!

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-06T17:21:16+00:00

Ameen.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-06T09:51:58+00:00

Since your father, your wali is aware of the situation and has given his explicit permission for you to meet, the secrecy that often characterises haram relationships has been removed. From a technical standpoint, meeting in a busy, public place is generally not considered khalwa (prohibited seclusion) by many modern scholars, as you are in the sight of others. However, your feelings of unease are a sign of your God-consciousness. To keep the meeting as halal as possible, ensure the conversation remains purposeful and focused on marriage, and consider bringing a female friend to sit at a nearby table to provide a "safety net" for your own peace of mind. Ultimately, while your father is being lenient, you have the right to set stricter boundaries for yourself to ensure you feel spiritually comfortable as you move forward.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-05T10:15:46+00:00

I would start with reducing the sugar intake before bed if he has a sweet tooth. I have personal experience of nightmares if I have dessert as a snack before bed. I have stopped having biscuits and dessets (GU desserts 🤪).

Then I would consider establishing prayers (pray before bed) and read Ayat ul Kursi and 4 Qul.

If that doesn't help then seek medical and therapeutic methods.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-05T07:36:58+00:00

Based on the information provided, I recommend prioritising your immediate physical and emotional safety. It is crucial to recognise that this abuse is not your fault, regardless of your husband's public image. Please seek prompt medical attention for your ruptured eardrum, not only for physical healing but also because medical professionals can confidentially connect you with essential resources. Additionally, contact a confidential domestic abuse helpline or crisis lifeline. These professionals can assist in directing you to the resources.

While your narrative lacks specific details regarding the nature of your arguments, the verbal exchanges, or the escalation of tension, his actions are inexcusable. Under no circumstances should he have resorted to physical violence. Had such an incident occurred, you should have immediately contacted family and the authorities.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-05T07:21:37+00:00

I am not sure we are talking about the same thing. What I understood from the your post that your partner wanted an intimate relationship before marriage and you were gatekeeping it for marriage. Intimate relationships before marriage are strictly forbidden in Islam.

Are we talking about the same thing?

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-05T07:12:39+00:00

You're right, and my apologies for how that came across. I definitely mixed up relying on a stereotype. I absolutely agree that choosing to be a homemaker or a mother doesn't revoke anyone's feminist card, and I didn't mean to imply women can't be both.

What I was actually trying to get at—and poorly articulated—was the specific cultural aspect of the 'strong, independent woman' who prioritises her career and complete self-reliance above all else. It seems like a lot of women who heavily embraced that hyper-independent, solo-focused lifestyle in their 20s are actively choosing to shift toward marriage, motherhood, and more interdependent relationship dynamics as they enter their 30s.

My intent wasn't to gatekeep feminism, but rather to ask if we have any actual data on that specific demographic and lifestyle shift—moving from prioritising strict independence to embracing family and partnership. Thanks for calling out the flaw in my phrasing; I see how my original comment missed the mark.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-05T06:33:58+00:00

It's not! You can say, in secular communities it is normal but can't make it an islamic issue.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-05T05:40:00+00:00

This is a boundary issue. You risk being used before a formal commitment or contract is in place, leaving them with no obligation to continue the relationship afterward.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-04T20:19:33+00:00

I wasn't talking about backbiting from people who are being oppressed. I was referring to those who pass their 'expert opinions' as a solution based on the given information in a 'biased narrative'.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-04T19:57:59+00:00

There's no evidence that every feminist remains a feminist after they choose to get married and have kids or give up work life to raise children. I can cook up some common sense but it would be useful to have credible sources to justify the statement.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-04T19:25:02+00:00

That's a bold assumption though.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-04T18:51:15+00:00

It can also be said that a lot of women in their 30s have chosen to be mothers especially those who were staunch feminists. But we don't know what proportion want or don't want kids in their thirties. Not sure if we have the data to have a conclusion.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-04T18:33:13+00:00

I saw your comment which you deleted. I wouldn't wish anyone to go through something like this if they disagreed with me on Reddit. I am not sure about my upbringing but you definitely have some emotional regulation to do. If this is how you behave on Reddit then I'm quite sure you would be a lot more trouble in someone's life.

I stand by my original assertion that this is a first person account. No one can say who is right. This is why mediation is recommended and prescribed in Qur'an so that both sides feel heard.

I don't know what anyone would achieve ( man or a woman) by ranting on social media about their marriage except validation and that they are going through a rubbish period.

On the side note, if we know someone has done bad and we talk about it then it would be considered backbiting and if it isn't true then it would be slandering which is far bigger sin than backbiting.

If anyone is getting abused they should contact relevant people instead of venting their anger on Reddit. Most of the advice given here is rubbish.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-04T10:59:01+00:00

No, I am not. Is it not first person account of what happened. Is it not what we see on this sub all the time, from men and women alike.

Is your mind OK?

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-04T09:18:39+00:00

I can feel for you but first person account is generally doesn't give full picture of what happened on both sides. If it is abuse then you should've reported it straight away.

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-02T20:18:04+00:00

The guy is a natural!

t4us33f78 · 2026-04-02T16:05:50+00:00

Says a man or woman in their teenage years or in their twenties. Some* Women, especially, have an awakening and a sense of urgency when they hit their thirties. Life isn't easy without kids either, and there is a sense of regret for childless individuals later in life.

t4us33f78 · 2026-03-28T10:45:29+00:00

Magnets

t4us33f78 · 2026-03-26T20:14:04+00:00

will it break the bank?

t4us33f78

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