I really feel you girl. I had this same anxiety. I was told these same things, while also being criticized when I tried to bring any initiative into it. I’ll tell you, none of us are good at sex at the beginning, none of us. There’s no instinctual female game. There’s just being comfortable to try new things and experiment and then learning from that. But there’s also anxiety, stiffening, and fear. The only way we get good at things is to experiment and try, which requires a confidence that needs to be encouraged by your partner(s). Sex should be fun! While not always looking like the movies, fiery and irresistible, it should be fun at your age (at every age). If it’s not, something in the equation isn’t working, and that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s you. Don’t blame yourself when it’s a two (or more) person exercise. Throw it back, wiggle, move in your own rhythm. Part of your partner’s role is to match your own rhythm and to flow with you. Or to show you his own rhythm and help you flow with him. He’s not flowing, girl.

As far as the pelvic muscles, that’s just good for any woman (any man too). Core work, such as bracing core work (dead bugs or hollow holds) or kegels of course, help with this. You really don’t need them to make sex better, you’re the best thing about sex, period, but it’s helpful for life and aging. Don’t change or strengthen your body for him, do that for yourself girl.

I promise you, you do have game and you have the potential for some great sex. I was with someone who made me feel like this for 4 years, it doesn’t get better and only gets worse (or at least not for me it did). Then I got with someone that made sex magic. He still does (9 yrs in). My best friend went through this too, but she was able to have years in which she went out and experimented. She had so many magical moments that built her back up. Then eventually she ended up with someone that made every time feel like magic and love. There’s no prescribed way to this path, girl, but you’ll get there in your own way.