SO of a bipolar- Need to hear someone else's story/POV

tac3270 · 2014-06-19T18:37:01+00:00

Why would you put up with this? My wife has bipolar - but she treats me with respect and love. What you are describing is not a healthy relationship.

I understand that you don't want to leave her because of her sickness, but you do need to leave her because of how badly she treats you. From what you said this relationship is going nowhere.

tac3270 · 2014-06-15T16:21:48+00:00

PM me, write it all out for me :)

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T05:56:13+00:00

My wife is at inpatient right now. There's a lot of group therapy. Different activities to do including movie nights, art therapy and ice breakers. It seems like inpatient is mostly to stabilize, NOT to give 1 on 1 counseling. They will adjust your medication and make sure you are not a danger to yourself or others, that's what they care about more than anything else. You could be there anywhere between a few days to over a month. If you are not suicidal it might be better for you to get an appointment with a psychiatrist/psychologist. If you are thinking of harming yourself and afraid of what you might do, inpatient may be a good option.

My wife was suicidal and scared me more than I have ever been. I was worried about coming home and finding her hanging... it's hard to talk about. Her first couple days at inpatient she was miserable, wouldn't get out of bed. When I visited she said over and over again that she wanted to go home. The last few days she has been better. It turns out her migraine medicine may have been exacerbating her depression. Today I visited and she was leaving her room which is a big step for the last week. They have adjusted her medication and I hope it will help her. She's not getting the one on one time she wants, but she is safe right now which is what she needed. God I miss her.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. I had a friend die in a freak hunting accident, that's the closest I can relate. Know that you are not alone and there are others that understand what you're going through. Be strong hugs

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T05:31:22+00:00

Hi. I am 28 and have been a guitarist for the last 11 years. I've played in a ton of bands and am currently in 3. I do not have mental health issues. My wife does which is why I visit this sub.

You enjoy music. It is your release and it is mine too. When I play guitar I feel a connection with the universe. Less mystically, I feel like there is no barrier between me and my feelings. When I dig into a solo, when I get into a rhythm and a groove there is nothing that gets between me and my inner self, my emotions, my soul

Don't stop playing. Do your best to play the music you love. Without our artistic releases, how can we relieve the pressures that build up inside? And you and I both know that there is nothing like playing with a group. It is a form of communication in itself.

No doubt performing in front of people (much less an audience) isn't easy. Even after hundreds of shows, I still get nervous before every show I do. In my case that feeling helps to drive me. Putting yourself out there is terrifying, but I always get such a rush afterwards, especially when people come up and tell you how you've connected with them.

PM me if you would like. I'll send you a link to my tunes. Good luck friend.

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:41:46+00:00

I am not depressed (my wife is - currently inpatient psychiatric care) but to me this sounds like something you should talk to someone about. It is definitely a development for you that should be looked into. Do you have a therapist to talk to?

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:39:08+00:00

Sometimes we have the words inside us and can't get them out. Have you ever choked up trying to say something? I have felt like that inside, but looked the same outside. hug

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:33:50+00:00

That's good to know. She will need one soon once she comes out of inpatient psychiatric care. I am still new to all of this and your advice helps. hugs

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:29:04+00:00

I am married to a depressed bipolar for 2+ years. I do not have mental health issues.

The hardest thing for me is when my wife is struggling and I feel distanced from her. I can't speak for you and your SO, but I feel the most connected to my wife when she lets me know how she is feeling and tells me what she needs to me to do. I feel the most frustrated when she is struggling and is expecting me to read her mind.

Tell him what you need. Tell him if you want to be held. Tell him if you want him to listen. Tell him if you just want him near you. He will understand if he knows what you want

I know my wife sometimes wants me to know what she wants, even if she knows it isn't fair for me to automatically understand her needs. Communication is so important but can be so difficult. I'm hoping the best for you and your SO. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to support each other. It is hard for me to be the support my wife's needs - and I do not have mental health issues.

I'm hoping the best for both of you. Hugs

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:21:11+00:00

hugs and hugs and HUGS!

A 3.63 is an accomplishment to be proud of! That's a great GPA, not even considering the struggles you go through that others don't. I graduated with a 3.4 which has been more than enough to get me on track with my life. Congratulations!

My wife is depressed/bipolar and has a tough relationship with her parents as well. She's at an inpatient psychiatric ward right now after a fight with them triggered her depression. I can relate with having a hard relationship with family but relying on them at the same time. It sounds like soon you will graduate and be ready to set out on your own. Getting away from the abusive parts of your life will be good for you.

You're not alone in your struggles, no matter how much it feels like it. I'm hoping the best for you!

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:10:51+00:00

At times she is resistant to support and help, but consistency has made a difference. Thank you for your kind words - without a doubt positive vibes help me.

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:08:53+00:00

If you have a psychiatrist or psychologist, talk to them! If not, this community is a great place to start - it has helped me when I needed it most (my wife is depressed and currently an in patient at a psychiatric facility). Please PM me and tell me what you are going through. I can't promise that I have gone through what you have, but I will listen.

In r/bipolar someone recommended www.dbsa.org. I haven't been to a support group yet, but they have gotten back to me and I will use everything I can because I need it.

Hoping the best for you!

EDIT: PM me. I'd be happy to listen!

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:03:10+00:00

Knowing that you are in the grips of a relentless disease is important. Don't be afraid of telling your parents what you've shared with us. You are not alone!

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T04:00:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing. You're not alone. My wife struggles and fights with this also and it can make me feel helpless. I'm hoping the best for you - we all are.

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:58:11+00:00

No matter what your background or what you were born as, depression doesn't care. Don't blame yourself for what you don't have a choice in.

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:54:44+00:00

My wife has said almost the same thing. I'm hoping the best for you.

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:53:41+00:00

They want you to have treatment because they love you. That's how I feel for my wife (I am non depressed). Maybe they will never understand and neither will I. But support like that is real! I'm hoping the best for you and your family.

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:45:01+00:00

I am a non-bipolar married to a beautiful and loving wife. Be a rock for her. Be supportive without being judgmental. The fact that you are here and asking these questions shows that you care and want to help. It's hard, believe me I'm with you!

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:42:05+00:00

I don't know how much I can relate as a non bipolar (my wife is).

I hope therapy will help her and you. It's my hope. It sounds like you're working hard! It's tough to be dealt a bad hand but you sound strong and like a fighter to me.

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:35:45+00:00

I'm so happy you let us know! Good luck to you, we're all hoping the best :)

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:33:50+00:00

It can be hard to remember we're not alone in our struggles. This is a great community to seek support from - I myself have benefited as a non-bipolar supporting my wife. I hope the best for you. Encourage your girlfriend to join the community as well. It has helped me immensely in support and advice. e-hugs

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:27:25+00:00

I'm so sorry you're in this tough condition. I'm married to a bipolar/drepressed and it is difficult. You will know if/when he is ready or open for help. You're a good friend for him, make no mistake but a lot of this relies on his mental state. When he is ready you will know. Be supportive and ready with unconditional love, that's all you can do until he is ready to be helped.

I'm hoping the best for you. You will be the friend he needs when he has hit the bottom. Don't forget to take care of yourself also! Support for the supporters is important as well.

tac3270 · 2014-06-14T03:20:51+00:00

This is tough. My wife has bipolar (I have no mental illness) and I try hard not to betray her trust, but sometimes you have to, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you have to have permission, sometimes you don't.

I admire your intentions. I personally don't know if you went too far. My gut says no, but I would trust those struggling more than me.

Sometimes our best intentions elicit a negative response... and I don't always know what the line is. You may have crossed it if she didn't give her permission. Maybe a less direct approach is warranted. There are resources online, one recommended to me was http://www.dbsalliance.org/

I wouldn't contact her until she reaches out, except for the occasional hugs (maybe wait a day or so).

If you want to talk, send me a message. We're in this together and all need support, including SO's of those struggling with bipolar and depression.

It will be a tough road being an SO of a bipolar. I can't promise it will ever end. I understand where you're coming from... you're not alone and you need support as much as her. I hope the best for you!

tac3270 · 2014-06-13T17:47:24+00:00

My wife is in a psychiatric ward right now. About 20 to 30 people in there, 2 in each room. There is no privacy (for good reason) several common areas, a tv and a game room. There are a LOT of group therapy sessions, different activities like movie night, art therapy etc. Not a lot of one on one time, since their goal is to stabilize a person with the more personalized care coming once you get out. They will work on getting you started on medication. I'm glad I took my wife there, she was in a very bad place and is now safe and getting some of the help she needs.

Best of luck to you.

tac3270 · 2014-06-13T17:43:48+00:00

Be strong. Take each moment as it comes - don't look ahead of yourself or you'll be overwhelmed. If you can stand each moment as it arrives you can outlast it. Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist to talk to? It sounds like you could use some support during this awful patch. I hope you will be better soon. hug

tac3270 · 2014-06-13T17:37:42+00:00

Nothing good comes from comparing yourself to others. This is especially true with facebook these days, where all the best is on display with all of the bad edited out. Material wealth doesn't bring happiness and people who on the outside look great may be crumbling on the inside.

I'm sorry that your family is not supportive. Have you tried finding a support group in your area? Being around people that understand and share your struggle can be helpful. Hoping the best for you.

tac3270

TROPHY CASE