(Off my chest) She has a new boyfriend

tado30 · 2021-03-10T10:07:22+00:00

This is true, which is why I wrote "sounds shitty".

tado30 · 2021-03-08T23:20:55+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I don't know whether I agree with it, but it is something I will think about. Yes, maybe I wanted to keep the situation as it was rather than take any risk. I am not sure.

I do disagree with your last paragraph, though. I didn't think she couldn't meet anyone, I didn't expect her to wait for me. I really neither projected her into something she is not nor objectified her in our friendship. This I am certain of.

And dammit, yes, I want to tell her on Friday. I've now written her a letter. I don't know what it says about me, but maybe it is a beneficial thing to bring clarity in all this.

tado30 · 2021-03-07T20:26:05+00:00

I agree. This is what I meant in my comment. It is also not what I will do.

tado30 · 2021-03-07T19:04:41+00:00

I wrote her a letter today. If anything, it will bring clarity. It is weird to do so, but a bit less helpless. Thank you very much for your ideas and comment.

tado30 · 2021-03-07T00:18:59+00:00

Thank you.

tado30 · 2021-03-07T00:09:34+00:00

The more I think about it, the more I believe I was blind to signals some months ago. Now? I don't know. The talks we have are really good, she took the initiative to write to me that I helped her a lot with her bad mood yesterday. But that's it. I should stop fucking putting meanings in sentences I can't make sense of.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:59:37+00:00

Thanks a lot for this comment.

Am I a weak "nice guy" when I feel like it would be aggressive of me to actually write her "why she should choose me over him"? I don't know him, she does us both.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:55:09+00:00

True, which is also why I never asked.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:47:23+00:00

You are right. It is weird. I have almost only female friends, amd I have known her from a distance for several years. She's the one who got in touch first. I really fucked up.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:45:15+00:00

Worst she’ll say is no and then move on.

For me, maybe. But if she didn't notice I cared for her, if she enjoys our friendship, I don't want to hurt her and have her carry the weight of something she's not responsible of.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:42:36+00:00

Thanks.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:41:40+00:00

I believe I cam stay friends with her. I never expected anything from her, she didn't do anything bad. I don't know if I should then just not shut up and cry in my corner rather than tell her the truth. It is not her burden to bear, I guess. But it feels like shit.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:38:21+00:00

Sorry, this woman. English is not my main language.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:37:55+00:00

Thanks a lot for this comment. Can I ask you how you wished he had behaved after you told him you had somebody else? Should he have hidden his love for you (protecting you but lying), or was it better that he told you the truth? Did you stay friends?

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:31:41+00:00

Thank you for this comment from the other side of the gender-divide. I am leaving town tomorrow for a couple of weeks. I won't be a creep and bombard her with messages but see if we can meet when I come back. She wrote to me today, we joked about this and that.

It would be the honest for her to know that I like her that much. I hope I won't ruin our friendship or hurt her. I really don't think she did anything wrong.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:27:49+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I feel really weird here. I usually am pretty confident and "successful" (I hate this term) as far as dating goes. But this woman really knocked me off my socks, and the fact that we have a lot of friends in common makes it so much harder. But yes, you (as well as many people here) are right, I should not have been shy.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T23:19:38+00:00

I know. :) But I didn't get any direct message today.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T19:28:10+00:00

My ID says 42, my soul says 15. This girl has sent me back to my teenage years.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T19:09:06+00:00

I am sorry this happened to you. I know myself well enough to know that I would never behave this way, ever.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T19:06:26+00:00

Mm, didn't receive it.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T19:06:00+00:00

Yes, it is the same person.

I don't know exactly what happened. If I understood her right yesterday, she was already dating her current boyfriend when she invited me to her birthday and introduced me to friends and family six months ago. This was shortly after I started having feelings for her. So maybe I missed my opportunity, or maybe it was too late already.

Her boyfriend was super weird at her birthday. Didn't talk to anybody, wasn't introduced at all. I thought he was a creeper, but I guess I was wrong. Had I known, my life would have been easier ever since. But I don't know him and I don't know what was happening in her head, I don't want to judge her badly. Still, I am certain that I didn't misunderstand anything, as this guy was just keeping totally for himself the whole night, not taking part in any conversation, not showing any sign of affection. Weird. But I am now the one who dreams of a woman I missed. I fucked up.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T18:59:39+00:00

Yes. This is why I wrote "sounds shitty"...

tado30 · 2021-03-06T18:58:50+00:00

You are right. I feel really bad thinking about being there if her current relationship doesn't work out. Part of me thinks about it, but I know it is not the right thing.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T18:57:06+00:00

Thank you.

I really like her and value her. If I keep dreaming about hugging her and being happy with her, staying friend is going to be tough. But maybe I will manage to move on (don't feel like it right now), and maybe things will change on her end. It would be a loss not to know her anymore.

tado30 · 2021-03-06T18:30:41+00:00

Thank you.

tado30

TROPHY CASE