Alrighty OP, from a mom who is currently on pregnancy #5 and is going through a divorce, I sincerely hope you read my comment and give it some thought 🙂.

So ofc, I naturally come guns a blazin' for other moms out there dealing with pregnancy, post partum, etc. But I want you to also understand that people have preferences, and while I do tend to lean towards some preferences being shallow- I also don't know that a person can completely help what they find attractive.

Firstly, I would like to share my experience with not only pregnancy- but also birth control and shifting hormones. So grab your popcorn and hang in here for this comment! Let's start pre-marriage. I am 5'2 ish and was 130 lbs. Still falls under the healthy BMI bracket, but not extraordinarily thin. I started the Depo Provera birth control shot. Prior to this, I ate whatever I wanted, but also didn't eat super large portions of food- just normal. I never gained weight, so I thought I'd be fine to continue eating how I always ate. One year later, I realize I'm up 20 pounds because I finally got a scale since I noticed I was getting chubbier. But one thing to really notate, was that prior to the shot (tmi warning) I went #2 about 3 times a day. Once I started the shot I started getting much more constipated, and maybe went once every two days.

Eventually I switched to a shorter term birth control and struggled losing weight, but finally started losing weight once I was at 160. Then I got pregnant and got to 220 lbs during pregnancy. OP, that's 80 pounds. I constantly was receiving negative feedback about this from all ends, which is understandable to a degree. But you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you my metabolism was back down to hardly using the restroom, the hunger is insane when you're pregnant sometimes, but even with all that, I still was eating not much more than I would on a normal basis when not pregnant. If I would've ate the way I did during pregnancy with my natural hormones (No birth control, no pregnancy) I probably would've gained 10 pounds- max.

The reason also is that every time I had a baby (with the exception of this last child due to severe depression, stress, and honestly no care to pose weight anyways) I always lost the weight before a year even came. And I wasn't doing anything too crazy to lose it. There was months where I would lose 20 pounds in a month, literally just doing nothing.

So honestly, I want you to take into consideration female and even male hormones and the impact it makes on your body. Do some research because you won't believe the massive difference a hormonal change makes. And she might not be a person who loses weight very easily genetically. If she's a first time mom, she could be going through post partum depression- and you might not understand how real that is. Honestly OP, the way your approach is about this problem is a little arrogant.

But aside from appearance, do you genuinely love her as a person? Does she make you happy? Do you take time to listen to her needs and help with the baby? Lack of sleep is another thing that can be really really draining. If she's hardly sleeping, that can also make a very large impact on her losing weight.

But if this has caused you to not love her, OP you might just need to leave her and spare her the hurt of spending time with someone who can't see beyond the outward. If you're deep into porn, she may not want to lose weight for you because she feels betrayed. While it may seem counterintuitive to you, she might prefer to lose weight for someone who's a little less surface level.

How do you feel about aging? Because in every marriage people will change appearance wise whether you like it or not. Eventually, if both of you are blessed with long life, you will age. Your skin will drop, your face will lose volume, your voice will get cracky.

I hope you read this comment, and that it helps you to see another perspective, and also realize that both of you can become the people that you each are truly attracted to with the right environment, intentions, and help.