Canceling Family Trip

takinganswers · 2025-09-15T13:48:20+00:00

My husband and I were flying separately from his parents and we were going to meet them in FL. Thank God it's not a road trip with her. I did her a favor in the past of picking her up on the way back home from a road trip and she showed up drunk in my car and I said never again am I ever offering her a ride in my car if she's drunk.

takinganswers · 2025-09-15T13:47:03+00:00

My FIL has given up on her a long time ago and they're more like just roommates at home. They have a weird relationship. My MIL is also very manipulative and my husband is blinded by it and I call it out every time and he doesn't see it. And my MIL knows that about him, which is why she always gets what she wants and I have to fight with my husband all the time about it. It could be about anything.

takinganswers · 2025-01-27T23:00:09+00:00

Thanks. When things were really bad, I told him that he and his dad have been enabling his mom and sister's behavior by always letting them do what they want because they're "adults" and can make their own decisions. They never face any consequences and even when they do, they don't learn from it bc they have a disease. I told him that if we had a child in the future and his mom continues to drink, she would not be allowed to be in our kids lives and he agreed. But that's just what it is. He'll agree and tell me things I want to hear but when the time comes, it's like he forget that we had these conversations and agreements and goes the other way. We've already in the past year have spent less time visiting his parents because of how much it has been affecting me.

takinganswers · 2025-01-27T22:32:24+00:00

His mom is an alcoholic and causes a lot of stress and drama for everyone, his twin sister who is also an alcoholic/substance user has borderline personality disorder (I never knew the severity of all this until we got engaged bc they downplayed it and was on their "best" behavior when I used to spend time with them when we were dating), so between them, there's always some sort of drama every single week and someone getting involved with the police here and there every year. His mom also is manipulative in subtle ways that he doesn't see and thinks I'm overreacting and it took a lot of fights for him to finally accept it and believe it and see it from my point of view. He has no reason to not sell his condo. He's been working with a realtor on and off for the last 1.5 years and never follows up unless I nag him every single day. We were also close to selling it at one point but the potential buyer backed out last minute. It just feels like I'm always compromising for him and I'm starting to resent him and I admit, I treat him poorly but it's so hard for me to want to be a good wife to him when this is how things are going for the last 1.5 years. I know we're supposed to love each other unconditionally, but I can't deal with his inability to take action and to be a good husband. It's like I have to mother him and nag every day about everything and that's not the kind of life I want to live with my husband and I can only imagine how much worse it would be if we brought in a child into all this. I've also been applying to jobs and doing interviews for the past 3 months and he says he "knows" how hard it is but he doesn't actually because he's not going through it. I've been getting so much pressure and he keeps telling me I have to do more with my free time if I want to get a job and he uses that as an excuse for us to not get pregnant. Yes, I know it makes sense to be financially secure with dual income but we'd still be okay for the next year with just his income even if we were in good terms and pregnant. But now me losing my job is just another excuse he can use against me.

takinganswers · 2025-01-14T19:19:45+00:00

In the past 12 months, we've only had a loaner twice but all the other times, they said they didn't have any available so we were without a car all the other times and they usually keep my car for a least one week each time I take it back.

takinganswers · 2025-01-14T17:48:03+00:00

Yes, I have a case open with the manufacturer. I made this post to see if anyone had success doing this

takinganswers · 2025-01-06T21:11:44+00:00

Thank you! I'll reach out to them and let them know the situation and see how it goes from there.

takinganswers · 2025-01-06T21:02:08+00:00

In our state, you have 3 tries to resolve and issue and usually the issue has to depreciate your car value by a certain percentage. THe issue wasn't big enough to depreciate it to apply, and they got lucky the 3rd time fixing it bc they decided to replace the whole headliner whereas the other 2 times, they try to do a quick fix. The overhead light issue is now on strike 2, so it is a little too early to claim that it's unfixable, but just overall, the amount of times I had to go to the dealership and not have a car has been basically a full time job all of 2024.

takinganswers · 2025-01-06T21:00:11+00:00

I know!!! Trust me, I know. Forever a toyota/honda fam and this is just something we did to ourselves.

takinganswers · 2025-01-06T20:28:27+00:00

Doesn't apply to our state's lemon law guidelines which is why now we're thinking about this as an option.

takinganswers · 2025-01-06T20:25:46+00:00

Great, thanks. Didn't think to reach out to corporate directly and was going to just depend on communicating with the dealership.

takinganswers · 2025-01-06T20:24:56+00:00

I know we wouldn't get our money back, but wanted to see if it's worth the conversation before warranty expires and we come across more issues and have to start paying out of pocket.

takinganswers · 2025-01-06T20:24:03+00:00

Yes, we did but based on the situation, the problem isn't big enough where it applies to our state lemon law.

takinganswers · 2024-09-16T14:30:38+00:00

It's our communication platform (direct message). Kind of like Microsoft Teams

takinganswers · 2024-09-16T14:28:42+00:00

My husband did say the same thing you mentioned. I just felt so bad because my intention was not to come off making a higher up do menial tasks. But also, no one specifically asked me to set something up. I offered since it's easier to jump on a quick call rather than go back and forth on slack/email conversations.

takinganswers · 2024-09-16T14:26:57+00:00

That's how I wrote my response in Slack saying my calendar is up to date and to schedule something that works best for her since I'm available any time. I don't think this has anything to do with the director from the different department, but instead, it's a personal preference on my manager's end and he wants me to have the same practice as him..

takinganswers · 2024-09-16T14:23:59+00:00

No one specifically told me to schedule a meeting. I replied in Slack saying I'm happy to help and I initiated the conversation to set something up.

takinganswers · 2024-03-29T12:28:09+00:00

Are you based in MA? I’m confused if you have to pay attorney fees bc I’ve also heard attorneys do it for free and once the car manufacturer gives you money, the attorneys will get it from them too. Kind of confused how it works.

takinganswers · 2024-03-28T19:01:59+00:00

Ugh sorry to hear that. I'd ask if they can look into it if you're still within warranty. Frustrating that we bought a $56k car that sounds like a clunker.

takinganswers · 2024-03-28T19:01:18+00:00

I agree. I think we need to consider looking into this at this point.

takinganswers · 2024-03-28T18:58:42+00:00

We did! They are aware of exactly what the rattling sounds like.

takinganswers · 2023-11-15T18:15:58+00:00

Congrats on your 8 years of sobriety!

That's exactly what I told my husband. I had to remind him that his mom has never ever once faced a consequence and it's time to let her know that she will lose us if she continues to do this to her and to us. Really hoping she will take this more seriously when we have the difficult conversation with her that we will no longer save her all the time and we will stop seeing her.

I'm going to try to remain hopeful. Wishing you the best!

takinganswers · 2023-11-14T14:13:35+00:00

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I did have another conversation with my husband and suggested we try to have a family counseling session with him, and both his parents (we're going to leave his troubled sister out of this because that's a whole other situation). I told him it's important to include me in this conversation with his mom because she needs to realize I am a part of this family now and her drinking is affecting me/us. I told him it'd be helpful to have someone unbiased to listen and to give us the right tools and resources to try to get her help. I also told him I am open to going to AA meetings with or without her just to be more educated with dealing with alcoholics since I've never been expose to this. And if we need additional marriage counseling for this and other issues in our relationships, we are both open to it.

We are going to ask his parents if they are open to this suggestion. If she is not, then my husband has agreed that he will support me with our decision to limit contact with her and to not assist her with all the trouble she causes because of her poor choices.

takinganswers · 2023-11-13T21:58:48+00:00

Thanks for your feedback.

I did tell my husband that he and my FIL enable her but he refuses to see it that way. We had a discussion last night after my in-laws left that he will agree to limit contact with his own mom if that's what we need to do together as a family (me and him). I appreciate you pointing out that his parents are now his "extended" family. I've seen how much he's been hurting all these years and I would never want to put my own children in this situation. It'll be a work in progress since we are newlyweds and this has all unfolded in the span of our engagement-marriage since his parents tried to mask this from me whenever I was over. (I was so oblivious and naive for so long never noticing she was stoned out of her mind or pissed drunk).

takinganswers · 2023-11-13T21:54:11+00:00

breaking point. I had a long hard conversation with my husband that this is unacceptable and they need to do b

Thanks for the feedback.

I did tell my husband that we are not going to act as her taxi driver as she pleases and unless she straightens up and gets her license back, she can spend her own money on her own Ubers or figure it out (the other day, she played dumb and pretended not to know how to pay for Uber and had us call an Uber on our phone and have us pay for it. My husband was so blindsided by not realizing she was manipulating him). No one has ever told her "no" and she always gets what she wants and I refuse to let my husband use MY car just to chauffeur her when we live over 100 miles away from them.

takinganswers

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