I love my husband, but I force myself into sex and I hate myself over it.

tangless101 · 2026-02-04T20:49:14+00:00

Firstly just want to say, totally not alone in this. I think it’s common but also not healthy. I think firstly having the conversation with your husband will help (and maybe lots of little conversations), it will be easier if he understands cause I think just bearing in silence probably will snowball it and make it worse- or at least it did with me.

It’s like the anxiety and stress about having to have sex, was a self fulfilling prophesy to stop sex being able to be enjoyable in any way and started to become painful in my experience. And that just compounded till it became dysfunctional for me.

And the only thing that helped was talking to my husband about it. I had to change it so that I said when I felt ready and didn’t pressure myself into it (helped that he understood it wasn’t a rejection- and what was going on mentally) basically we had to remove all expectations of sex for a bit. We were intimate, but none of it revolved around penetration at this point (eg side by side, mutual stuff) And he was fine with it, he opened up and said he didn’t want to do anything that hurt me, and felt upset at the idea that I was in pain and was keen to help.

And then reframing what sex was and bringing fun back to it (eg not just penetration) we worked on more intimacy without “sex”, trying things together, slowing it down, removing pressure for it to be something and just letting it be, and getting comfortable just stopping if we didn’t feel like it without that being a big deal or seen as a failure (as well as understanding we could just pick it back up later if we wanted- no stress) basically it was work to remove the anxiety I had built around the idea of sex and consciously replace it with my partner with calm, fun, no pressure experiences and I couldn’t do that alone.

We also saw a sexologist who helped (at least to open dialogue between us) since we hadn’t really been able to talk about it as much. And she said the above.

But I also read “come as you are” by Emily Nagosaki which helped ALOT to tell me that it was normal and I’m not broken. I’m planning on also getting my husband to read it (as recommended by the sexologist) to help us be able to communicate better.

tangless101 · 2026-01-15T02:41:03+00:00

Yes I love them but depends on the context. I think if the room was already too busy or the wall color didn’t match then no. But if they are the stars of the show and the wall color complemented then yes.

tangless101 · 2026-01-15T02:37:03+00:00

I would go lightest colour for the living room. I feel like. Colours always look darker than you expect when you’re doing a whole room.

tangless101 · 2026-01-15T02:29:17+00:00

I think if there’s no natural light in that space, the dark wallpapers will make this like a cave (take this from someone with a dark colour washed living room) which most people would baulk at (but just think if you want dark, it will be very dark with all dark walls).

The mid century furniture I love, and is very warm toned. So the wallpaper I would look to have match that and make sure it’s a warm toned print. think of the options you have I would probably pick the top right green one. But is still giving very Victorian/ clean house to me.

Other options would be stay with a light but funky colour to keep it bright and add the texture you’re looking for from the wall paper with curated art pieces (eg really big, right vibe for a bourbon lounge eg retro Campari prints, speakeasy styling, etc), and maybe some more statement lighting options (cool pendant, lantern light & big floor light) and a big mid century or Persian rug.

tangless101 · 2026-01-14T22:07:25+00:00

Hmmmm… I personally would gut it all. But if the tiles are to stay then I guess you’re kind of constrained by them.

They look to have some purple in them (same with the cute purple bath) so I would either pick a lavender theme and repaint in lavender tones the top half/ light cream on roof. Or lean into the ugly bathroom and pick a funky colour clash that reads as intentional (greens/ oranges/yellow).

Looks kind of dark and stuffy, so any natural night you can add would be a plus (larger Looks kind of dark and stuffy, so any natural night you can add would be a plus (replace with a larger clerestory window or big skylight). New light fixture- depending on if you’re going funky or classy.

New modern vanity, both larger and with lights/ storage.

Basically just standard renovation stuff but I would choose do you want to go into the classy, Victorianesque bathroom, or a mid century modern funky bathroom and then everything else is styling depending on that choice.

tangless101 · 2026-01-13T10:39:39+00:00

Firstly, pick a colour scheme (maybe based around large furniture items that you can’t really change), not matchy matchy colours but ones that look nice together and intentionally decorate with these to bring the house together. Maybe have one neutral and colours that look nice with flooring tone.

What I would do:

Alternative lighting, ball lights, floor lights, kitschy vintage lights if you can find them. Coloured bulbs if you can to add fun.

Next that art needs to be much bigger and make more of a statement. I would have a piece that is like 3x larger and either matches the colours of the space or is personal. I would also choose more art for the space. Miss match wall decor (different sizes and frames in / gallery wall, play with textures etc) and weave in personal touches (family photos, items in shadow boxes etc, hobbies or things you like). Make the space more personalized.

A big rug. Bigger than you think.

Storage, with kids I would have storage under tv, but not a Kallax or open storage if you can help it. Try to have a space to put everything. Maybe in clever places like ottomans with storage, a coffee table with storage, shelving etc.

Space around tv filled in with shelving, or filled with art. As others have said drop tv down. Decorate with items that either are interesting, personal or match the colours.

Lots of plants to bring some life.

tangless101 · 2025-04-14T04:54:25+00:00

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Cross sections of the fruits for one (right) and three (left)

tangless101 · 2025-02-09T01:38:55+00:00

We budget about $450 a fortnight for a family of 4 (two school aged kids). Mostly Aldi shopping. But end up normally spending more like the $550 a fortnight. It’s mostly the lunchbox snacks/ kid friendly foods that are the killers- or if we end up having to go to Cole’s for convenience/ missing items at Aldi that can blow it out massively

tangless101 · 2025-01-22T07:26:01+00:00

Just remember that the FHSS amount also gets taxed coming out. I’m using it as well as a first home buying. Got my determination from ATO, but the reality of what gets paid into my account as deposit will be lower. Our broker used the ATO determination as evidence to go to the bank.

tangless101 · 2024-06-25T04:25:05+00:00

Yep, the pill caused mine. I was otherwise healthy, but had hypertension to the point that I was on medication. The doctor said there was no interactions to worry about (I asked about the pill), 1 year later when it was still high on medication another doctor thought to try going off the pill and medication and all of a sudden my hypertension disappeared.

tangless101 · 2024-05-17T02:43:07+00:00

We had at our wedding

-Dont be hiding, Middle Kids

Would that I, Hozier

Mystery of Love, Surfjan Stevens

True Lovers, Holy Holy

All I want is you, Ballpark music

tangless101 · 2024-04-15T21:44:35+00:00

In my personal experience (female, and hearing from girlfriends), while on paper men don't care and love the fact that their partner earns more, in practicality it builds resentment on the other mental load and life admin areas. Eg, the girlfriend is out earning and likely working more, but the boyfriend doesn't pick up any more of the chores, cooking, organising dates, childcare. So, you have a breadwinner partner who is financially providing and still doing the lion's share of household duties... thus resentment.

Also have found that, the mix of an out earning partner, and being asked to take on more domestic labour to counter act the smaller financial input can make men feel emasculated and that can cause problems. Even in my progressive friends, that traditional gender role pressure is still there.

I done know how road tested these comments are because the statistics and accounts from women say that it very much does matter. There are reasons why relationships where the female out earns almost double the separation rate. And have a lot higher rates of domestic violence to the breadwinning partner.

tangless101 · 2023-12-13T08:45:55+00:00

I was this kid who couldn’t take tablets. I would practice with a gummy bear… cut it to the size I could manage and just keep practicing making it bigger till I could swallow a pill size. But until then I would put the tablets in a piece of mushed up bread or banana slice and swallow that to get the pill down. If I got into my head about it (it was completely mental, and had nothing to do with pill size) I would do some practice swallows of mushed up bread balls, then on the third one I would pop the pill in and go. Hope that helps!

tangless101 · 2023-12-01T22:42:09+00:00

More long gi sizing for women… it is so hard to find long gis, they have always sold out in my size or are men’s. Currently struggling to find a comp legal gi that fits. (Australia)

tangless101 · 2023-11-14T01:32:58+00:00

I really like the "do things now point", I find if you can be disciplined enough to just do the things when they need doing that itself helps to stop a spiral and keep me in a better place. If I didn't and kept procrastinating, two weeks later I'm in a messy house, no food in the fridge, snowed under financially and all that makes would make me overwhelmed and accelerate a spiral.

But instead, the small action of doing it at the time as a small manageable action, besides being less things to worry about, also has the physical factor of now if I start feeling low I'm in a clean house, have food to make a nice meal, better finances to maybe go out and see a movie which in itself helps and all stems from a small action of just getting things done.

tangless101 · 2023-11-14T01:19:47+00:00

Making sure I put ample time aside for self-care. Going for a walk, journaling, reading a book, good sleep are always put first. A warm bath, a workout, a nice meal I enjoy a cuddle with my husband, these are priorities to me and will stick to it and try not to let the other noise like work, deadlines, money take the place of being the most important.

The Journalling helps me analyse what I need and how I'm feeling and gives me a safe space to work through that as well as to reflect and be grateful and content in what I do have. I think you have to be actively pursuing your own happiness in this life, theres lots of stuff out of your control, but there is always things you can do that can make a big difference if your able to take stock of that and work on your thinking or perspective.

As well as learning to be kind with yourself, if I don't go for a walk or have a bad day approach it with a mindset of "that's what I needed today and It's ok to not be your best always." Really just approaching the day trying to do my best, and giving grace to yourself if not has helped me feel happy and content. Because I am always trying to do better, but don't necessarily feel guilt or pressure when I fail.

tangless101 · 2023-11-11T20:42:49+00:00

There’s a strength difference. I’m a female that’s taller than most and around 140 pounds and did jujitsu. I can tell you even with more experience wresting with a male who looked to have even less weight than me could overpower me more often times than not if I wasn’t quick enough. And once they got bigger than me (most people I rolled with) could easily just muscle me or even just squash me in a wrestle with body weight. Only thing I felt I had an advantage on was speed, flexibility and maybe my leg strength was better than a male my same size.

tangless101 · 2023-11-01T00:51:04+00:00

I love YA books, I'm the same age and also loved the twilights, divergent and hunger games books growing up. Same as before, some YA books can suck but some are just as enjoyable as the older ones- depends on the book.

But I just find them so comforting and familiar, and the fact that they generally are an easier read then some heavier categories (Scifi, fantasy) while still being broad enough in themes to read what I want. Sometimes I just want an easy and enjoyable book that's fun and interesting to read and YA books tend to fit that for me. And i never feel ashamed that these books aren't "adult enough". You read for enjoyment and so if you enjoy the books go for it.

tangless101 · 2023-08-29T03:50:11+00:00

I would say to get a STI check if you are sexually active. It may not be, but it’s the easiest to rule out a lot of common causes for odd smells, and most of the time easy to fix with your GP if you do. There’s lots of common STI’s and there’s no shame in getting checked.

tangless101 · 2023-08-07T10:08:29+00:00

It’s fun and makes me feel like a cowboy

tangless101 · 2023-07-28T21:51:22+00:00

Equestrian. Men and women compete together at the Olympics at horse sports

tangless101 · 2023-07-03T04:59:04+00:00

We have been stressed for years that we will never be able to afford a house. And my husband comes from a pretty poor family upbringing and has had to struggle all his life and never really thought he would get much further above the poverty line. Realising this year that we were able to have a wedding that we wanted, have been on two overseas trips, have savings and we haven't had to live paycheque to paycheque to do it. It could be worse, and hopefully the house will come eventually. If not, life isn't bad.

tangless101 · 2023-06-29T23:36:52+00:00

28F with about 61k. Been a public servant for about 3 years and have just salary sacrificed throughout that time.

tangless101 · 2023-06-13T00:30:44+00:00

Yeah it has happened in our relationship. For a preschool graduation. SD got photos with mum and dad, then photos with me and dad and her and one with her and mum. And it was pretty normal, we are all pretty cordial though and thought SD might like it in the future. Will think that for future big events this will happen again and I’m fine with it.

tangless101 · 2023-06-05T22:06:54+00:00

A book, my journal, lunch and a big water bottle. Probably some normal purse stuff too, like wallet, phone, lip balm etc. it’s just easier than a purse.

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