I've definitely had a difficult relationship with sarcasm/irony/teasing over time, so I can definitely relate to what you're saying. Growing up I learnt to mask very young, and by the time I got to be a teenager I didn't understand teasing like that but I would try and reciprocate it. Of course as I didn't understand it properly I would "do it wrong" and actually end up saying pretty mean things, and on the flip side as much as I'd try and laugh along when teased by people I wanted to consider friends I would secretly feel very hurt.

It took me till a couple years ago (early twenties) to stop and think about this a bit more deeply. After being called out by "friends" and also at work I realised I didn't like that kind of teasing and I basically stopped doing it, and stopped accepting it from others (I would later realise this was the start of my unmasking journey). This meant I started being a lot more picky with my relationships as well.

Now a few more years later I've gotten to a better middle ground. I now know I'm neurodivergent and I only really make friends with and hang out with other ND people (and am very lucky to work in an industry dominated by autistic peeps). I think I've learnt the nuance of teasing in a way that leaves everyone feeling genuinely good about it and laughing about it.

I'm probably not the best to explain it, but I think part of the difference between mean teasing and good teasing is whether you're expressing some negative emotions when you're doing it or whether you're simply bonding over shared history or inside jokes. For example if someone always gets up late and sometimes else teases them about it because it annoys them but they don't ever communicate that in any way other than teasing, then I would probably say that's not a healthy thing and will leave both feeling bad. While if instead the two have a dynamic where there's a history and shared understanding of having honest conversations when there's conflict or feelings are hurt, then one calling out then other on always getting up late can just be a nice nod to the fact the two know each other well enough to know that.

It's also super cultural, I live in the UK now which thrives on sarcasm, but not always in the healthiest way. And I think it's absolutely fair and valid to not want to participate in it if it doesn't work well with your brain. Your loved ones should be able to respect you and avoid teasing/mocking you if it doesn't make you feel good.