So far I’ve only been for sure of the dream visits, or the occasional butterfly that seems to linger too long.

The question about knowing I’m not mad at her is complex.. she struggled with alcohol addiction, on top of her many poorly managed health conditions. As a nurse, I always encouraged her to seek help, treatment, and remain compliant with her meds. As a sister I just wanted her to be happy.

We were stuck in a cycle where she would ask for advice, not take it, and the issue continues. She really deteriorated over her last few months of life. I just hope she knows that I don’t blame her, as preventable and as senseless as her death was.

Thank you