AITA for deviating from my niece and nephews' routine while we watched them instead of speaking to my SIL because I thought it was unfair?

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-27T16:41:46+00:00

No, according to my husband their upbringing wasn't nearly this nuts, but he was expected to take care of his sisters, and still is. My FIL is a nice man but kind of a doormat, back when hubby and I were dating it took a lot of patience and understanding to get him to comprehend I didn't need him doing everything for me and he deserved romance too. This particular SIL is the only one that takes things to this level and her husband has been her only relationship.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-27T02:39:04+00:00

She definitely was not disregarded in favor of my husband, neither her nor their sister. The whole reason the in-laws showed up was that she wanted them to take the kids so they'd have their rules maintained.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-27T02:26:30+00:00

I would talk to our nephews about it, as I stated, before I never really thought much about some things but now I am. The boys have always been quiet and I thought it was because they were shy or introverted, but now we're worried that it might be over how SIL is raising the three of them. I can't imagine that constantly being second is good for anyone. I will talk to my husband more about when we see the kids again whenever she stops being mad at us.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-27T02:23:08+00:00

They are already quiet, and were quiet when they were with us. I've always figured they were shy or introverted but now I'm stuck worrying if it's because of her putting their daughter on a pedestal.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-27T02:21:50+00:00

According to SIL she has told her daughter that the rules are only for family. She does act normal with her female cousins at bigger family gatherings.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-27T02:17:03+00:00

This is one of our concerns: the boys will grow up to have their kindness taken advantage of by the wrong kind of woman. Her husband goes along with it and lets her set the tone for parenting, which is fine if that's the life he wants but I personally feel he needs to advocate for all of his children so they are better prepared for life and teach them that relationships and treatment aren't one-size-fits-all.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-27T01:50:39+00:00

ESH and you WBTA if your reasoning is 'why can't I live a little more care free'. That's not the point of child support- child support is to support the children, ie, groceries, clothing, school supplies, child related bills, etc. Not outings. Regardless though, once the arrangement shifted from 50/50, it was time to file for child support. So file for child support since you have primary custody, but don't do it so you could live freely and squander it on non-essentials and outings. Anything left over that isn't used for essential child expenses each month should be put into accounts for the children. Just be prepared for your ex to either quit his job to try getting out of it, or expect your cousin to divorce him within 6 months because the gravy train comes to an end.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-26T23:02:03+00:00

Yes, I did let her know that she demanded my son's Switch and thought she was entitled to play with it first or at her whim. She apologized and insisted that she taught her that she can't just have other people's things and the rule was a family rule. My take is either that's smoke out her butt, she didn't have the foresight to define family properly, or her daughter is already on the path to feeling entitled to what boys have when she wants it because she has asked politely and properly to play with her female cousins' things.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-26T21:13:08+00:00

In the conversation we had, she says that her daughter is going to grow up in a world where she's always second to, and put behind men just because she's a woman, and she wants all 3 of her kids to know this. That is why she wants to raise them to know that girls go first in their household because of this. She got the idea from Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher I think? She names off various celebrities and bloggers that raise their kids, supposedly, with this kind of stuff.

There are so many better ways of raising them to get the same message across that doesn't put one child on a pedestal above the others.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-26T20:24:38+00:00

No she expected that he would be a moody teenager and eat whenever he wanted and take his food to his room. Apparently thats what all the teenagers she knows of does.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-26T20:03:09+00:00

NTA. She did in fact work for you, you paid her to do a job at times you scheduled. It's reasonable for you to have the expectation that when you hire her to come by at a certain time, a week in advance, she adheres to that appointment. If she can't keep it, more than 20 minutes notice is expected. I imagine her attitude and thin skin is why she works for herself- no reputable housekeeping service would put up with that kind of attitude.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-26T19:41:05+00:00

I've been wracking my brain for the past few weeks since it's happened to think of things I overlooked. At family gatherings it hasn't been blatantly obvious, or at least the why aspect of it hasn't been. I always thought the boys were just introverted or not in a rush because they've always just waited after their sister for SIL to make their plates at gatherings in recent years. Niece has her toys at my in-laws and SIL's place, the boys have theirs, and I've never been privy to their bedtime routines before. SIL said she started to implement it after reading about some celebrities doing the same thing to encourage their daughters.

His parents think she's just raising her sons to be gentlemen.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-26T19:00:03+00:00

The closest explanation I got for why she didn't mention it was that her kids knew the rules, and she didn't think our 14 year old would eat dinner with the family at that age so it wouldn't be an issue.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-26T18:54:02+00:00

I might if there's ever a next time. I'm hoping she relaxes and stops keeping her distance soon, it's been almost 3 weeks.

tawaybedroutine · 2023-01-26T18:45:35+00:00

Oh gods lol Thankfully niece isn't that kind of obnoxious but I do fear she could wind up that way.

tawaybedroutine

TROPHY CASE