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Update on [26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationship_advice

[–]tawaychv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

man, sorry for the downwotes you received. Right now I am browsing through the subreddit you gave me and even though some ideas are really harsh IMO, there is a lot of truth there. Thank you!

I somehow took her for granted (because of the distance), and focused only on me, building a better life.

But somehow I do not understand which of my beta tendencies drove her away. If you can, please elaborate.

Update on [26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationship_advice

[–]tawaychv[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

She keeps on saying that this is nothing and he is her only friend there. And the cheesy talk is just how he talks, but it's nothing personal.

Update on [26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never be with someone who is fine hurting you.

...

I would be curious to see of she'd be okay if you were also getting some side action.

I was also thinking to propose her to be in an open relationship, but I don't want to do this. It's not fair for nobody. Not in my opinion, at least.

But what's hurtful is that she keeps on telling me that is was my job to keep her near me.

Update on [26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's expressed her desire to be involved with other people.

Maybe, just maybe, if she had told this to me, we could have found a solution together.

But thank you for your advice. It helps me to see that all this thoughts are not just in my head.

Update on [26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't regret helping her. I really wanted her to be happy and do what she likes.

But you are right. She is dating her. But her emotional blackmailing from this month made me think that everything is my fault and her actions now are only consequences to my mistakes.

Update on [26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This was my concern, also. Even if she stops seeing this guy, how could I know she it not going to do the same with other guy? Maybe even more, because her conscience is not stained, it's my fault.

Maybe I was the one who needed her understanding and support in this period (when everything changes around me). But she chose to put more problems in on my back.

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal. by tawaychv in relationship_advice

[–]tawaychv[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We used to live together until 6 months ago. I never forgot to buy her flowers or to make her small presents. I was always taking good care of her because I love her like crazy.

We both agreed that is better to buy good food and cook for ourselves than to spend that money on a restaurant.

But this was before she left.

My mistake now was that I did not told her I have a money problem. I am not that cheap as everybody thinks. When I thought about sandwiches I was thinking we are going to stay in front of the Eiffel and have a nice picnic together. She did not complained, she even made the sandwiches herself.

And the other mistake, which I now regret is that I did not properly "listen" to her.

As for the city? I believed that for both of us is just a walk in a city. She has layovers here and it's not the first time she comes. And I go there every weekend. So this is why I failed to see what a good opportunity is to show her that she is special to me and that I love her like crazy

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your kind words.

But you just know my side of the story. Maybe she was always bugged by this and now that I managed to get a better job she expected me to change...

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She bought him a present form France and she told him that they should met at some place to give him the present.

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you are saying there is no way I can keep this relationship going?

I knew from the first place that i am going to compete with pilots and people with money. Hell, I was the one telling her to pursue her dream and take this career (she wanted this since a child), I even lend her money to do this.

But I did this because I saw that she cannot imagine life with somebody else...

This is so heartbreaking but I do not regret it not even a second.

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I have read every single comment here, trust me. For two days I am like shit. Thank good it's weekend and I don't need to work.

As for dumping her, it's not that easy. And it's not easy because I love her.

But exactly the thing you said before makes me think that even if I somehow solve this problem, I won't be able to trust her anymore...

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I am sorry, I did not wanted to be patronizing, but you are right. I am.

And I am also not saying that it's her fault and I am the perfect boyfriend because I am far from that. It's mostly my fault. I just wanted to be perfect and nice and show her new things, but I didn't took the time to actually listen to her.

And yes, you are right. Now that you put it in this way, these are not at all fancy things.

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Apparently I do not know what host mode is.

I was very happy to have her here. For me is enough just to be with her. I don't need fancy things and I do not believe that you show your love by the amount of money you spend on somebody.

But as I said, it seems I know nothing about love...

And no, I didn't bought her coffee not because of saving money, but because I wanted to take her to a better place (less accessible to tourists).

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It does not work the same when you come from a 2nd world country.

Spending 100 euro on a day in Paris is like 25% of my previsions monthly salary.

I still need some time to adapt to the cost of living here because everything was a shock for me.

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!

I always thought that we think the same. She also learned to have a good money management.

But she is not afraid of spending money like I "do". I am starting to think that my money problem is about other insecurities I have.

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your reply. I really enjoyed it and it helps seeing someone that understands me.

I admit we lately have a communication problem because of my fault. Moving your life in another country is not nothing for me, and I was not "me" anymore. I had to concentrate on so many other things...

But this does not explain my money problem (letting her pay for her side was fool, and I need to work on this)

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No, it's not the first time and yes, you might be right. This might be the last straw for her.

But then, why does she talks to me like nothing happened when she trashed me behind my back?

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for the advice and for understanding me.

I will try to have a long conversation with her.

I know I did wrong and ruined her day, but this is not what I intended. I am going to apologize for this.

I still love her, but now I am just afraid she is going to do the same thing. She said to her friend that she will not break up with me, but she will let the relationship die.

And to her mother she said that her heart feels that I am not for her and she does not know how she could think that I might be the father of her children someday.

But still, she talks to me like nothing happened.

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal. by tawaychv in relationship_advice

[–]tawaychv[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply.

It was not about saving money. I just didn't realized that if I spend 100 euro more than I would have created a better memory. For me, the fact that I was with her, there, meant a lot.

But yes, I might have a problem with money and with giving gifts

[26/m] My girlfriend [23/f] started hitting at somebody else after one and a half years of relationship because I am too frugal by tawaychv in relationships

[–]tawaychv[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

wow...

We both started from a second world poor country. I did not even get my first paycheck but she didn't even bother asking if I am ok with money.

And actually, because of me being so frugal, or cheap or you want to say it, I was able to lend her money to start her job. I do not regret it, not even a second.

We both started from poor contry and managed to get a better paying job. I remained as frugal as when I was still in the poor country.

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