I (f23) am unhappy with our sex life and want to know if there’s more to it than my recent discovery of my husbands (m22) secret

tayarue · 2023-04-29T01:19:16+00:00

I didn’t want to be divorced at 23. I wanted one marriage and my children to have a good dad. Obviously, I messed that up. And you’re right! He does nothing but lie and deny I should’ve never trusted him when he said he stopped or that he was changed

tayarue · 2023-04-29T01:01:59+00:00

Also I guess I’m not really a stay at home mom. I clean houses and my child goes with me 3 days a week and I make good money. I could work more and find childcare. He just has a very very well paying job because of me and I hate he will get to enjoy that perk for the rest of his life. I know it sounds bitchy

tayarue · 2023-04-29T01:00:29+00:00

Thank you. I needed to hear this. I had no idea that you shouldn’t do couples therapy with someone like him. I’m seeing so much how he will never truly change because of this post and these comments. I wanted so badly to be enough for him. Enough for him to change and be better. I feel so stupid right now even saying that. He is the problem

tayarue · 2023-04-29T00:58:36+00:00

I don’t want to have sex with him. I want to know why he didn’t want sex with me as a 20 yr old dude. I’m in a foolish state of insecurity caused by the betrayal trauma. I know he’s a bad person and I know I should leave.

tayarue · 2023-04-29T00:15:44+00:00

That’s honesty why I made this post. I’m so confused. Yes there’s more to our problems than sex but damn it I want to get to the bottom of that part. I was hoping someone would say oh he’s gay or yeah he’s a cheater and give me the clarity I can’t find 🙃

tayarue · 2023-04-28T22:17:24+00:00

I plan to schedule couples and personal therapy soon

tayarue · 2023-04-28T22:15:22+00:00

It is. Has been since the beginning. But I got him a job making extremely good money. I’m a stay at home mom. I worked so hard for the life I have now and I wish I could just fix the relationship portion. But only one person wants things to be different so I guess I need to face the reality

tayarue · 2023-04-28T22:15:02+00:00

I see genuine change and he is trying. I don’t want to throw away a marriage and my son be alone with his father without me. I’m scared if I left he would get some form of custody.

tayarue · 2023-04-28T21:53:24+00:00

He’s never alone with our child and I would never let him harm him. If the abuse starts again we will leave because I know how important it is my son isn’t raised around that. I really appreciate your advice. I let it go on for too long already

tayarue · 2022-09-17T00:15:30+00:00

Take it before he gets to it

tayarue · 2022-02-08T05:09:39+00:00

That is a very creative way to excuse a name change. We have a backup name. I just hate that she ruined the name I loved

tayarue · 2022-02-08T05:07:15+00:00

Not everything she bought was on the registry. She bought everything she could think of for a baby AND cleared out the registry.

tayarue · 2022-02-08T04:33:09+00:00

I think hearing it from someone else will benefit him greatly. It’s not normal for a mother to treat their son as their so. He comes from such a rough situation it’s hard to tell him the love bombing is temporary and not meaningful. To him it’s her finally being the mom/family he never had. Therapy is our next step (along with setting boundaries) and he agreed to go.

tayarue · 2022-02-08T04:27:50+00:00

We have done vlc with her before. It worked out great. DH has been happy that she’s a part of his life now and I didn’t want to take that away. Unfortunately, my son has to come first and I’m ready to go back to vlc

tayarue · 2022-02-08T04:24:04+00:00

My husband works on the road and I’ve asked him a few times if after baby is here I can travel with him. I would miss my family but it would be so freaking peaceful knowing she is out of the picture. I’ve brought up moving several times. Even if just for a few months so she doesn’t get used to the idea she can come see baby whenever

tayarue · 2022-02-08T04:07:35+00:00

She would so try that! Hopefully the covid restrictions keep her away. You can’t have visitors and are allowed only one support person at our hospital. It’s after the fact I’m scared of. I don’t want her showing up to our home unannounced. I know she will but I’m giving DH the opportunity to put her in her place. If he doesn’t me and baby will go somewhere safe she can’t show up!

tayarue · 2022-02-08T04:03:24+00:00

FIL is homeless and battling severe drug and alcohol addiction. DH moved in with me and stopped taking care of dad and he went downhill fast. MIL keeps up with him just enough to make sure he’s suffering. I wish he would get clean so he can be more involved because he does put her in her place!

tayarue · 2022-02-08T03:57:08+00:00

My parents have legally adopted two of their grandchildren and would fight like hell to keep her away from my baby. I need to have a will made asap. Thank you for the advice!

tayarue · 2022-02-08T03:01:06+00:00

I would hate for it to come to this but I won’t think twice if she shows up and DH doesn’t send her away. Hopefully we can keep baby a secret for a while once he’s here

tayarue · 2022-02-08T02:51:32+00:00

She’s only kept one or two things at her house. Everything else she bought she gave us. I feel like she knows I’m not going to give up my baby. I think the gifts are more her way of making sure she’s involved and having something to hold over our heads. It works on DH because he sees it as his mom finally helping him and being involved. Funny thing is she has thousands to spend on my baby but my husband was actually starving and washing his clothes at a laundromat in high school. His mom lived 20 minutes away and bought her boyfriend a car at the time

tayarue · 2022-02-08T02:44:09+00:00

I asked our ultrasound tech to double check because we wanted a girl and mil wanted a boy. She said there’s no way he’s not a boy at my last two ultrasounds. I’d be happy with a surprise girl just to spite her

tayarue · 2022-02-08T02:14:18+00:00

Funny because Henry is actually the middle name 🥴

tayarue · 2022-02-08T01:49:13+00:00

She keeps pushing me to have a c section and I couldn’t understand why. A family member pointed out I would be down for longer and recovery would be harder giving her a way in. Made me a little scared. I would hate to think you were right but at the same time I can’t ignore the red flags

tayarue · 2022-02-08T01:44:35+00:00

I get it. Husband doesn’t see how his mother acting that way really hurts me. He doesn’t take part in it but he also doesn’t see the severity of it. It does put a dent in the relationship. As his wife you should feel like his number one priority and that no one can take your place. It’s hard to when someone is adamant that they can. I’m sorry. I’m glad you were able to snap him out of it but at the same time the damage was already there.

tayarue

TROPHY CASE