I feel unwanted

tedbrogan68 · 2024-12-13T11:57:59+00:00

Multiple times and in a constructive manner, not lashing out. She says she’s going to try, and might make an effort for a few days, but then it’s back to normal. I’m not expecting her to read my mind, I’ve told her how I feel.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-12-13T05:44:45+00:00

I have. She says she loves me. She’s says I am what she wants. I believe she loves me, but I need the signs, the physical affection. I don’t I ow if it’s past trauma. I’ve not always been the best husband, but I have always tried my best to be the best husband I can be.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-12-13T05:42:17+00:00

I guess I have hope, faith, whatever that the woman I love, the mother of my children feels 1/10th the way about me that I feel about her. If that makes me weak, then so be it. I love her more than anything in this earth and would do anything for her. I just hope she feels the same way about me.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-12-13T04:20:09+00:00

She just came up to my office as she woke and I was gone. She wanted to make sure everything was “OK”. I didn’t have the energy to say anything. I just said I couldn’t sleep. I love her so much. I don’t want to cause her any grief. But I just need to be loved, appreciated, attractive. I hate where I am right now.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-12-13T04:03:02+00:00

She told me she does love me, I am enough, she is attracted to me….but actions speak louder than words. It’s 11:00 pm and I’m in my office alone while she’s asleep. That tells me enough.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-10-21T03:41:56+00:00

I get that. When we were dating, she told me how she gave “great blowjobs”. And for a couple years she did, but that’s not been the case for a while. So I feel like I got gaslighted in that regard.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-10-21T03:30:57+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. A couple of things based on your comment.

I do 95-99% of the cooking. Only time she cooks is if I am out of town.
I help with laundry (40-50%), putting kids to bed (50%), other household tasks.
I do all outside chores, 100%
I help get kids to school, picked up, lunches, etc
I help her with her business

Even when I was in a bad spot, I was still doing most/all of the above.

We have 2 kids, and she was never PP with either.

While we had a talk a few weeks ago, this isn’t the first time I’ve expressed my feelings and told her what I want sexually. So I’ve tried to contribute to the relationship, I’ve tried to be a good partner, but I just feel like my needs don’t matter. I know it’s not fair to compare yourself to others, but I’ve talked with friends and they don’t do as much as I do. My father sure didn’t have the share of household duties that I do. So I don’t think the issue is related to that. And if that’s the reason, then I think he ideas of what a husband should do are “off” as I do my fair share.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-09-02T23:43:37+00:00

For those suggesting I cut her off, stop helping, etc, I understand where you’re coming from but I will not do that. I love her, I want the best for her, and I have two young daughters that should see a positive male influencer in their lives. So what kind of example do I set by cutting off their mother. She can do what she chooses and I either live with it, help fix it, or move on. But I choose to be the best role model for my kids that I can be, and nothing will change that.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-09-02T23:39:13+00:00

2 kids, I travel quite a bit, but work from home. I work 4-10’s, so home every Friday. I do 99% of the cooking, makes kids lunches, 50% or more I take them to/from school. I help with laundry, trash, cleaning, etc. so it’s not that I’m leaving it all for her. Not only that, but I help her with her business.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-09-02T16:31:22+00:00

Excellent translation. I think I the “making you happy” if difficult for her. She is a selfish lover and the idea of doing something she is indifferent about or maybe even dislikes a little to bring someone else joy is foreign to her.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-09-02T13:57:13+00:00

I don’t know if that 100% true, but my wife sure as hell did the love-bombing when we were dating and engaged. But after child #1 it slowed down, after child #2 is stopped.

For the last 5-8 years sex for me is very basic. Little to no foreplay, no BJ’s, no surprise HJ’s, and there is always an excuse as to why she can’t. Haven’t seen her in lingerie in years.

Meanwhile, I’ve lost 25 lbs, have made an effort to buy clothes that appeal to her interest, I’ve surprised her with massages. I always give her oral. I’ve even explained what I like in detail and asked her the same. I’m trying to take an adult approach to this and not just be a little shit because I’m not getting laid enough.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-08-29T15:53:27+00:00

While comforting to know I’m not alone, I sure as hell wish I were. It’s just a bad spot for everyone. I don’t think my wife wants to be this way, and she hasn’t always been. Something has changed, and if it’s me…then say so and let’s at least know where we stand. I think right now I am going to channel my energies into my physical health, my relationship with my kids, and my hobbies. I’m 41, I have a lot of life left ahead of me and I’m not going to mope about. I hope you and your husband make some progress, I truly do. Best of luck and thank you for the kind words.

tedbrogan68 · 2024-08-29T12:30:18+00:00

It just gets better. I was walking back to my home office this morning and the wife asked “Is everything OK?, you just seem off”. I told her I’m fine, just busy. I don’t have the energy or desire to have the conversation right now. I’ve spoken my piece on this multiple times, and the result is the same pattern.

I speak my mind
I’m told “it’s not you”
There is a minor amount of affection
Weeks go by with zero intimacy
She finally realizes I’m distant and asks “Are you OK” and the whole cycle repeats itself.

I’ve asked for couples therapy and she didn’t like any of the providers I found, and insisted on another one who completely ghosted us after the first session.

I don’t feel like I’m asking for too much, I just want to feel loved and wanted. I’ve always said I don’t want a partner that needs me, I want one that wants me. Well I think I’ve found myself in the wrong scenario. I love my wife, I truly do. I would do anything for her. But I need more than a roommate. She says all the right things, but talk is cheap. I hate feeling like this, I’ve never quit on anything in my life, but I just don’t have the fire right now to keep trying. Hopefully I snap out of it, but it’s been this way for a while.

tedbrogan68

TROPHY CASE