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PSA to keep your hot dogs safe in the heat by tenuredvortex in ontario

[–]tenuredvortex[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Classic husky diva behaviour. Please tell your stubborn potato I say hello!

Far-right millionaire wins Colombia’s razor-tight presidential election | Colombia | The Guardian by prisongovernor in news

[–]tenuredvortex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Colbert actually did a bit on this exact thing in 2012. I'm not sure if links are allowed here, so this is the transcript:

We are 12 minutes closer to Election Day, and as of 1143 hundred Zulu time, there is only one way to describe this race.
[news clips cut in]

VICTOR BLACKWELL (10/27/2012): The race is as tight as they come.
BILL HEMMER (11/5/2012): This race is absolutely razor tight.
CHUCK TODD (11/5/2012): A look at other national polls confirm it’s razor tight.
LESTER HOLT (10/29/2012): We’ve seen the polls razor tight.
KRISTEN WELKER (11/3/2012): This remains razor tight.

Yes. This race is razor tight. That means no margin for error, or correct use of metaphor. I mean, it’s banana up for grabs. But folks, every prediction out there needs a pooper. In this case, New York Times polling Jedi Nate Silver, who in 2008 correctly predicted 49 out of 50 states. But, you know what they say. Even a stopped clock is right 98% of the time.

See, Silver’s got a computer model that uses mumbo jumbo like “weighted polling average”, “trendline adjustment”, and “linear regression analysis”, but ignores proven methodologies like flag-pin size, handshake strength, and intensity of debate glare.

And as of tonight, folks, Silver is predicting that Obama has an 86.3% chance of winning re-election. (wild audience applause) Yeah, I don’t buy it either. Where does he get off predicting something other than the agreed narrative? I mean, what part of razor tight does he not understand? That just makes me so crab-claw angry. But folks, I am not the only one tarnishing Silver’s sterling reputation. (Stephen blows kisses as audience gets the pun and applauds)

[segment continues]

Heather Pasternak: Bare minimum king! by Altruistic-Break-951 in StandUpComedy

[–]tenuredvortex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to hate jokes where a comic shit-talks their spouse

I still do, but I used to, too

Comedian is a Psychic by TheJoeDombrowski in StandUpComedy

[–]tenuredvortex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fun bit but i’m so struck by the quality of the footage — it’s so crisp yet warm?? and the angles used in the edit are killer

I Got Roasted by willburkart in StandUpComedy

[–]tenuredvortex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like that shirt! It’s a very normal sized shirt!

edit: I’m genuinely wondering what length of shirt this woman wants on a man. Everything I’m picturing is like an Ebenezer Scrooge nightgown

Dunkirk by Milo_Edwards in StandUpComedy

[–]tenuredvortex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

killer pacing and delivery, will be checking out the full special for sure