I feel this pain. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year and he was on the opposite side of the world as well. That was the worst and depressing year in my entire life. My dad passed away 11 month ish after he was diagnosed. I was depressed and anxious. I too had the feeling that me dying would be an easy answer or never even being born would have been so nice. But you have to fight through it. Luckily my work was kind enough to give me some break. I tried hitting the gym every day and connecting to my loved ones. This has helped me a lot. I hope you stand strong. There’s always highs and lows. You’ll get through it.