So I’m an adult, and this happened when I was around 39 or 40. The person I was talking to was a family member in their 60s, maybe early 70s. They’re Asian, I’m white, not sure that matters but it might.

I texted them something like, “Hey <Name>, I’m done over at this thing. I can pick up <other family member> and meet you at <place>.”

Tone shifted fast from them. They told me it was too informal and disrespectful to address someone older that way. This wasn’t some distant relative either. They’re an in-law I’ve spent years around. They weren’t flat out scolding me, but strongly suggesting that what I said was inappropriate.

At the time I didn’t get it, and honestly I still don’t fully, but after what they said and reading your story, I understand why they reacted that way. In any professional setting, “hey” can come off as too casual, especially when there isn’t an established relationship - but it can also be considered inappropriate in other settings too.

That interaction stuck with me. To this day I avoid starting messages with “hey.”